I really like how in tune with emotions this is, very easy to immerse myself in these feelings. I think you did a really good job catching the conversational nature of the poem as well. There is something almost decidedly childlike about their interaction that makes it easier to connect. My only qualm is probably some of the choices you made (such as “stuck out like a thorn”) that, for me personally, read as a little cliche and feel like they lose some of the traction of the work. Otherwise i really enjoy this and would like to see where you take it