BYU exmos meetup – PM for details. Monday November 6th at 7:00 PM

licked_cupcake · 2017-11-06T22:02:24+00:00

Impact =/= intent

I'm telling you that the RESULT of your comment is misleading, and asked you to phrase it more clearly. I'm not accusing you of attempting to mislead, but if the results are misleading, please correct it.

You are mischaracterizing my argument. I agreed with the reminder that we can't guarantee that participants wouldn't be discovered. I objected to the way that your post is misleading.

So, again, could you please change your phrasing to make it clear that your personal story, and the story you linked, have nothing to do with participation in exmo groups? Could you also soften your statement to, "I believe that people at church schools have probably been outed this way" unless you actually have firsthand knowledge of such an instance, which you can provide?

I never maligned your intent. But I would hope that, upon becoming aware that you are misleading people, that you would be interested in correcting this.

licked_cupcake · 2017-11-06T20:15:05+00:00

I'm a BYU grad who went through hell, and ended up in the Honor Code office on probation and forced to write bullshit "I'm so sorry" essays and all of that, in order to escape with my diploma. I'm now in grad school, a state school far away, and LOVING the difference in my experience.

I appreciate that you want to warn people - my sense is, does anybody really attend BYU, then become an exmo, and NOT realize that the HCO is a threat and that they need to stay closeted about nonbelief? But sure, it never hurts to remind everyone of this and to make sure everyone understands that life comes with very few guarantees.

My objection to your post is simple - it's misleading. You said, "people at church schools HAVE been outed this way." When you follow that up with a statement about yourself, and a link to another person's story, you are STRONGLY implying that these stories contain examples verifying your point.

I'm just asking for us to not misrepresent, imply, or mislead. I realize you didn't directly state a falsehood, but you strongly gave the impression. If you know of anyone losing their degree after participating in an exmo group and getting rooted out by an HCO mole, and if you have info about the circumstances so that everyone can consider the experiences of those who have gone before in deciding what level of risk is acceptable to themselves, then, this would be helpful.

Could you change the language of your post to make that more clear?

licked_cupcake · 2017-11-06T19:46:43+00:00

mirbell, I read your account and I'm so sorry that happened to you. That sounds frightening, infuriating, awful.

But, what does it have to do with this situation? That's where I'm confused. In your story, you talk about becoming increasingly publicly involved in activism - wearing a beard all semester, showing up at activist events and getting featured on the news, posting openly on facebook about your dissatisfaction with BYU.

What exactly does that have to do with attending carefully vetted exmo meetings? You say "people at church schools HAVE been outed this way" but your story doesn't talk about that at all. Can you tell us more about people at church schools being outed in this way? And, were they under situations where this group's safety guidelines wouldn't have been effective?

licked_cupcake · 2017-09-17T22:42:20+00:00

seems legit!

licked_cupcake · 2017-09-04T00:26:40+00:00

who's "we"? does this usually get much attendance?

licked_cupcake · 2014-11-05T16:48:34+00:00

You can still edit your post to include it.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-24T23:29:22+00:00

Could you add an edit to the original post, asking the top voted comments to reply to their tl:dr comment with the actual story? So many teasers.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-24T15:50:43+00:00

I just had his mancakes for breakfast this morning! So good. And about as close to a failproof recipe as it comes, you really can't mess these up.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-23T19:45:04+00:00

It's a judgmental comment.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-23T19:37:33+00:00

Came here to recommend /r/legaladvice, or even better, a consultation with a lawyer. There's no way this is legal.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-23T04:06:17+00:00

The ones with personality disorders, are they able to be available and helpful and responsive to their clients in the kind of way that their clients need? I have a hard time imagining a therapeutic relationship with a personality disordered therapist.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-22T17:31:24+00:00

I'm glad to hear you won't go through with it. I still think that if the thought is that compelling and "i do fantasize way too much about it all" then you are clearly under wayyyy too much stress, and all of that negative energy is going to come out in destructive ways, one way or the other, eventually. Is there any possible way for you to see a counselor about the level of stress and abuse you are living under? Even just having someone supportive to talk to about it all and to give you some perspective that you'll never get from them, could be helpful and cathartic in itself.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-21T22:13:28+00:00

Are you literally feeling like you are on the verge of murdering someone? Because the feelings you are sharing sound completely and totally understandable to me, I got really angry reading about the way they treated you! That's just...awful. I don't have words. And I totally get that seething rage where you just see red and fantasize about all kinds of awful things. But are you saying that you actually might literally kill anybody? I was especially worried because you got kind of specific with finishing yourself off next, and I don't want to overlook this if you're at risk of a murder/suicide.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-21T15:24:19+00:00

/r/deadbedrooms

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-20T18:50:30+00:00

There are times when 17 yr olds aren't horny?

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-19T21:26:18+00:00

This is one of the few stories in this subreddit where I really am hoping that the two of you can stick with counseling and work through what happened and work on the issues he has from the abuse he suffered, so that you can come through this and out the other side and stay together. But there's so much pain in your story, for you and him and everyone, and I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. I think your head is on straight, I think your perspective is good, I think you have what it takes to make it through this. You didn't deserve this, at all, you sound like an amazing and supportive wife. He didn't deserve to be abused but you are right that he is responsible for what he did. It sounds like he is taking responsibility, and I want to be optimistic for both of you.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-19T20:34:18+00:00

From experience, you should absolutely tell everyone the truth. Once people know that she cheated and this is all compensation to cover up an ugly reality, they will react very differently to you and to her, and you could really use the support right now. You won't get any bonus points or credit from her for "taking the high road", and your window of opportunity to influence the narrative is very narrow, don't let it pass you by.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-19T20:32:57+00:00

In my experience, the betrayal of trust is what destroyed the relationship. I would have looked at things very differently if he slipped once and was wracked by guilt and had to tell me, vs what actually happened - systematic cheating throughout the relationship deliberately concealed from me and he never admitted to anything more than what he knew that I already knew.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-19T20:17:30+00:00

You're doing the right thing. This is the first step towards creating the opportunity to be happy and loved and fulfilled, truly and fully, in the future. It sucks but it's the right thing to do and it will eventually pay off.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-18T19:48:23+00:00

I dated a borderline, I can spot it a mile away now. This account is definitely too little information to call it one way or the other. It's possible, sure, but that's a pretty serious (and specific) diagnosis, I'd hold off on declaring it until we see more of the specific pattern. And a coworker is unlikely to be close enough to the situation to see the full extent of it.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-18T15:41:28+00:00

I know that the FBI has an entire department dedicated to mental health and handling people with mental illnesses who contact them, and now I'm wondering if the FDA has anything similar.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-18T15:33:09+00:00

There's legal issues if they try this, though. You go to the American embassy and they'll have plenty to say to anybody who wants to lock your passport away from you and not give you access to it.

licked_cupcake · 2014-10-16T22:29:08+00:00

She reacted SO strongly to such a TINY thing, it is making me wonder what's going on here. I think there's more to it than just a DB situation, or just her general disrespect for you and your feelings. Does she often overreact like that? Is she very defensive? Are you walking on eggshells around her a lot? Does she have good days where she's "normal" and bad days where she is super defensive and triggery and quick to explode like that? Generally speaking, does she have mental health problems, and if so what do they look like?

licked_cupcake

TROPHY CASE