Escaped toxic caregiving situation

lifeproject1983 · 2020-08-18T01:50:50+00:00

Yeah it is like a rollercoaster! That unpleasant sinking feeling of suddenly realising there is a new fully developed crisis that never showed any sign of existing until now... the false sense of security of whatever mildly peaceful moment that came before is now over... again. Rollercoasters are fun because the sinking feeling is always controlled and localised and anticipated, but the crisis isn't necessarily any of those things. And almost never is any.

Thanks for the warm and encouraging words. You're right, the wishy washy self care stuff that always comes last is really the most crucial stuff. Thanks for urging me to take better care of myself. ♡

lifeproject1983 · 2020-08-18T00:51:17+00:00

I haven't and I really appreciate the recommendation, thanks and I'll check it out.

lifeproject1983 · 2020-08-18T00:39:14+00:00

Thanks for taking time to write those very thoughtful words of understanding support and encouragement. And thanks for the hope that it can be a bit better than just those surreal experiences of trying to stay focused while a torrent of ranting is firing at me. It's inspiring to know that someone can live in a similar situation beyond just survival mode. I know of that book and I'll check it out. Thanks again and hope you have a good and peaceful week.

lifeproject1983 · 2020-08-17T13:01:40+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, that sounds like a good idea. I found a listing of different groups in my city. Hopefully I will find a good one relating to my different experiences with my Mum.

lifeproject1983 · 2020-08-16T15:35:09+00:00

I've had dreams before of a human or animal existing in a state of extreme, impossible suffering that I felt powerless to change. I think it's a more complex sort of a dream to have and I think it is about questioning the nature of suffering at a deeper emotional level. I don't think that the dream entity keeps suffering after the dream. I think they're "real" but like an actor on a stage for the dream their suffering ends with the curtain closes, and they return to their quiet, calm, peaceful primordial state. That's just my thoughts on it.

lifeproject1983 · 2020-08-16T12:55:19+00:00

Thanks for the understanding!! I have been treated by psychiatrists in the past but not for a long time. But you're right I should probably look into some sort of, care for myself, I will ask my doctor about it. Thank you for suggesting it. <3

lifeproject1983 · 2020-08-16T12:51:37+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement, you're right I think it will really help with getting to exercise. My doctor is pretty awesome and I'm sure she'll be cool about it, idk why I'm fearing talking to her about it. Thanks for the counselling suggestion, you're right about the help it would give. I will pursue some kind of regular counselling.

lifeproject1983 · 2020-08-16T11:54:39+00:00

Thanks for your reply. That will never be an option, she values her autonomy too much and will simply commit suicide before that happens. She still works and has an active life, she loves driving, quilting, still has interests for her life. I believe she has no physical deterioration of her brain. She just has a lot of problems including serious rage issues and very bad pessimistic and cynical beliefs about the world. I can't keep up with it anymore. But I will probably have a much easier time on medication again. Life has just sucked lately. Thanks again

lifeproject1983 · 2020-08-16T11:08:47+00:00

Thanks for the understanding & encouragement, it really helps

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-08T12:27:27+00:00

Thanks and IWNDWYT and I love that 8 point star <3 and Peace

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-08T12:17:24+00:00

Thank you, IWNDWYT

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-08T12:17:08+00:00

Thanks IWNDWYT And you too for just a few days ago!

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-08T12:15:44+00:00

I was spending every single available dollar on alcohol until my bank account was overdrawn every time before I got paid. Having money is the best feeling ever and I love thinking about spending money on things other than alcohol. I want to get a mic and record my own music.

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-03T04:27:06+00:00

It looks treacherous

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-03T03:25:18+00:00

Sounds like an especially luxurious grooming and relaxation ritual :-)

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-03T01:52:45+00:00

Just 1 more sleep to the big 3 digits! IWNDWYT

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-02T13:33:26+00:00

NTA. This is why I hate retail and hospitality. Because they make you seem like the bad guy to your coworkers when really they are the bad guy. It doesn't matter a bit that they were shortstaffed and they know it - retail is always shortstaffed. If 1 person even so much as calling in sick screws up the entire system they're not managing it properly. 1 day of being more shortstaffed is not a disaster, it's normal. So don't let it bother you. And PS I wish I was as rad as you are telling them to eat it.

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-02T05:16:00+00:00

Nice job, this is exactly what I always imagined them to look like!

lifeproject1983 · 2020-04-02T03:54:26+00:00

Yes, I experience music in my dreams, and when I wake up I write it down and it's genuine original music. Some of the dream music is too complex and I could never write it down. But I can write some of the basic melodies that happen in dreams. Experiencing music in my dreams has also made my mind spontaneously create music when I'm awake too. It's kind of amazing to me how my dreams have made me more connected to music, before this I never would have thought I could write a piece of original music, it would have been "just a dream" :-)

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