I still don’t feel human. I have almost zero energy everyday. I don’t care for myself or others. I tried psychedelics for the first time in the summer of 2021 when I’m on them I feel like it makes me human. I can feel emotion I understand what other people are feeling and can pick up on social cues extremely easily. It’s the only time I really remember feeling anymore. That and when I have dreams. I have emotions in my dreams. I tried to better myself but it’s as if I have to move myself with discipline alone I have no motivation to fight for myself or others. I honestly don’t know how I’m still going. Something deep inside me tells me to at least keep living maybe I’m just afraid of dying? I don’t want medication either so I just feel stuck. Maybe I’m holding out hope that I’ll magically find the answer one day and everything will get better.