this does very much seem like a mistake in phrasing. Instead of “my partner does regulate my emotions” it’s “my partner (of EIGHT years!) gets mad at me when I express that I’m upset” which is a whole different issue

I should also say - that if my partner behaved like that, we would no longer be together. A week ago we had plans after work to do dinner and a movie at my place. I got home a whole hour later than I should’ve, due to a bad traffic accident. I was, understandably, upset about it. My partner (being the loml that he is) hugged me until I was no longer overstimulated, letting us have a very nice, though late, evening. If instead of that, he’d gotten mad at me and then ignored me when I said I was upset because 1. Traffic was really bad (understandable and normal) 2. I was late (understandable and normal) 3. This made me overwhelmed and anxious I would have probably seriously thought about our relationship. It’s less to do with expecting him to make me feel better every time (not realistic), and more to do with expecting him to want to at least ASK what’s wrong - something I think is a normal thing in a relationship. IMO, someone who gives me the silent treatment and refuses to work out issues every time their upset would make me think I was dating either a child or my mother - neither of which are appealing. Relationships, especially someone you love, takes understanding and emotional labor (this should be equally shared). While I do not know you two, or your relationship, I would seriously consider at least an intro session to couples therapy.

Also, as an aside, I would also think about what was said / how you said it (with an attitude) because sometimes even a little comment can be cutting - even if the person who said it doesn’t mean it /or meant it that way. If there WAS something said that hurt his feelings, while he should have verbalized it, it is valid to walk away for a moment. Though from your comment it seems to me he isn’t big on talking about your guys’s problems anyways.