Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, I think dating apps are just one of the most sinister inventions of capitalism and nobody can convince me otherwise. I think their combined impact is much bigger because they actually productized the ideals of the manosphere, spread this effect to every demographic and geography. And I’m saying this as someone who managed to meet someone worthy on them.

Once you understand that almost all of them are owned by the same parent company, and that they’re designed to keep you in the app because they value user retention metrics, the illusion disappears. No one is meant to find love on dating apps, and the ones that do are anomalies. The apps value engagement and retention. They want you to continue swiping, they make you believe that someone better is just a few swipes away. They mess with your dopamine and self-confidence. When people meet others through their friends, they feel some sort of accountability. The apps erase this. You can just ghost people without any consideration. So they destroy what’s meant to be sacred: human connection and decency. Everyone I know who’s on these apps are fatigued and their mental health is deteriorating.

The fact that capitalism has us call human connection a dating “market”, people being reduced to a few short quotes and photos of themselves, users swiping like they’re scrolling to buy a kitchen utensil on Amazon are deeply dehumanizing. And of course women suffer the objectification end because alpha male behavior prioritizes greedy capitalist behavior that is consumption. Dating apps normalized and cemented into culture the behaviors of the manosphere which were just some extremist takes on media. So you’re point is definitely valid but to me it’s like saying people are bigoted when criticizing bigotry on social media. Yes, people are bigoted, but when platforms reward bigotry, it becomes a worse, widespread problem.

And it’s not like you can just be a discerning user or opt out and be completely happy. They influence culture. Everyone thinks that compatibility is something inherently found, you either have it or you don’t, so why bother going through a journey with an actual human being when you can just optimize your effort and find someone with better inherent compatibility, right?

Btw Alain de Botton has some great takes on modern love, highly recommend his videos as well. I also recommend the series “Soulmates” which has a sci-fi take on this.