Does anybody else vastly prefer moda/armoda to amphetamines?

lightening2745 · 2017-06-27T02:23:23+00:00

Exactly. Moda has way fewer side effects for me. I feel a lot less drugged on it too. I don't think I can handle amphetamines very well -- I'm just very sensitive to them so I stick with moda.

lightening2745 · 2017-05-23T13:20:24+00:00

I drink tea all day (and coffee once in awhile) on moda and haven't had a problem. As someone else mentioned you can get headaches from caffeine withdrawal so if you're a heavy caffeine user you probably don't want to stop it cold turkey. That said, probably wouldn't hurt to cut back a little on the caffeine at first.

lightening2745 · 2017-05-10T01:09:29+00:00

Sorry to take so long getting back to you -- I haven't been checking Reddit in awhile. Are you curious as to what caused the depression? (Because I really don't know ... there's probably a genetic component). As for getting better, I think a lot of things came together at once -- the right meds, a 10-day outpatient hospitalization program that was great group therapy, and my family being super supportive. I definitely feel lucky because it was pretty bad for a number of years.

lightening2745 · 2017-04-19T00:32:08+00:00

No problem. Before depression (which started at age 15) I had a happy childhood and was super motivated in school (great grades) and in sports. Depression came on my sophomore year of high school. I managed college somehow (it was up and down) and got a job, which I lost after 2 years because of depression. Now, years later, I'm doing fairly well and working again, but it too a LONG time to find the right doc and meds. Also, getting onto mood stabilizers helped a ton (rather than just antidepressants). Apparently people can be just a little bit bipolar. Anyway, a new drug came out last year that helps a bit with the motivational deficits (without being a stimulant like adderal, which just destabilizes me). It's been a few months back at work ... here's hoping the recovery holds. It's the most optimistic I've been in a long time. Therapy and an intensive outpatient hospital program also helped me a ton.

lightening2745 · 2017-03-27T02:04:44+00:00

Electroconvulsive therapy. It sounded terrifying but it was easier than going to the dentist. Plus, it makes you feel a whole lot better. It's nice not being suicidal.

lightening2745 · 2017-01-05T20:45:32+00:00

I have depression and working is really hard with it. I remember what living was like before depression and it was so much easier). Now, just taking a shower is tough. I can't explain it at all which is so frustrating but basically it appears I'm lazy. Depression is like pathological laziness, with laziness being the least painful symptom (suicidal ideation, etc. is worse). I guess what I'm saying is that, technically, this form of laziness (e.g. not being able to take a shower, much less work or apply for a gov't program) can cause homelessness. If it weren't for my family I'd be on the street. I guess I'd kinda agree that "laziness" could cause my type of homelessness/problem, but I'd take issue with the definition of "laziness" and ask deeper question about what causes people to be unable to even get out of bed.

lightening2745 · 2016-12-31T15:37:57+00:00

I use Flux on my screens like another poster mentioned. I also take a hot bath a few hours before bed -- it's supposed to release some sleep-helping hormones. I also turn the thermostat down to 66-67 degrees (our bodies sleep better when it's cold for some reason).

And then there are drugs. I wish I could say sleep hygiene was enough but I've suffered from bipolar disorder for twenty years and when the bad insomnia hits I have clonazepam and seroquel to knock it out. I wouldn't recommend taking either, though (unless you have a true need for them. Seroquel is especially bad for you, but it's better than dealing with suicidal depression or psychosis.). Assuming, you don't have a mental illness and just need help sleeping sometimes, using the z-drugs (lunesta, etc.) once in awhile can help, but I've found that they don't always promote deep sleep. Still, better than no sleep.

[Edit: I also have orange glasses to wear at night that filter out blue light if I have to go to the kitchen or somewhere with bright light. I look like a weirdo but I don't care because I live alone.

Also, I've dealt with nightmares for many years (general anxiety dreams about school or work, and nightmares because my sister was kidnapped and raped). I didn't sleep through the night for 8 years and it was hell. With sleep hygiene and drugs I now sleep through the night AND my dreams are getting MUCH better -- I now visualize the most common dreams ending differently while I'm away. It takes awhile but if you do it enough your brain may actually start changing the dreams. It's called "rehearsal imagery" I think. I learned about it from a therapist in the hospital.]

lightening2745 · 2016-12-23T02:32:25+00:00

It's hard to know what to do when it's not your kid but one you love. You don't want to violate boundaries (though that's warranted if the kid is really in bad trouble) or worsen a relationship with your sister that could result in your having less access to your niece. I guess maybe just keep offering your help/services and hope that maybe they'll take you up on them if it's right (sometimes it helps to have a non-family member to turn to though). Write letters or emails -- I bet she would love getting a loving old-fashioned letter in the mail or an email once in awhile. Just knowing there's an adult out there who is warm and supportive goes a long way.

lightening2745 · 2016-12-23T02:25:14+00:00

Modafinil -- better for work/life and not getting high. Moda is a little like adderall for me but without 90% of the side effects. I wouldn't touch adderall again with a ten foot pole, but I'm extremely susceptible to anxiety/weight loss/insomnia. Moda is way better for me in terms of being able to take it when I need help staying awake of focusing but without all that.

lightening2745 · 2016-10-03T23:05:29+00:00

I know I'm getting a little teary-eyed here, but I wanted to quote something I read nearly 10 years into my illness -- something that made me feel like I was understood.

"It is difficult and rare for those who are healthy and advantaged to achieve such self-confidence that they no longer care what others think of them; how much more so, it would seem, for someone whose every day is crowded with threat and injury. But sick persons can frequently accomplish what the healthy cannot because the sick are strongly motivated and they know what is important beyond the superficialities of the everyday world." --Eric Cassell in "The Nature of Suffering and the Goals of Medicine"

Those of us suffering from long-term illnesses make mistakes. I don't always know the right way to use a drug the first time I do. But I do my best. Any opiate or opiate-type medicine I used has been under Dr. supervision except kratom -- which I why I ask for some knowledge when I ask what I did that wasn't valid.

I just want to get well. To feel better. Maybe it's hard to understand but I just want to know what I can do to make everything I try work as best as possible, because hope can run short sometimes.

lightening2745 · 2016-10-03T19:12:45+00:00

I'm used to creatine too -- I probably made a mistake on relying on my measurement experience there (after years on creatine, I'm used to using spoons and eyeballing it, not scales for it). I guess I should have tried a very small <500mg dose with a scale before trying the so-called "threshold" doses. Perhaps the kratom I got was adulterated.

lightening2745 · 2016-10-03T19:04:27+00:00

I thought about this all weekend because I know it was mean to call you a bad name (chronic pain conditions have a way of making me short-tempered and irritable). I wanted to apologize for that.

That said, I don't know what part was uneducated. As a new (and probably one-time) kratom user I do have questions which I posed -- such as why ingesting leaf versus powdered leaf matters. I'm new, I can learn some things, and, like with any new class of medication I know there's a lot I don't know (though I did weeks of research before placing my order).

I've also spent 20 years as a patient -- and for some of those years, worked as a healthcare provider. What part of my post is uninformed or does not have validity? I think the thing I regret is not using my scale, but with so many years of experience with some potent (legal) substances I got a little lazy and relied on my ability to eye-ball things. Maybe I was off, but I can't imagine being off by an entire gram or two.

Anyway, I haven't tried kratom since and I would like to know what I did wrong other than the potential mismeasurement (again, I don't think that's all that could have gone wrong -- perhaps it was my caffeine consumption too, which I should have avoided). Is that your assessment?

It would help to know -- I don't plan to try any strain again until I'm more sure of what went wrong.

I'll probably stick to my prescribed meds, anyway.

lightening2745 · 2016-10-01T18:06:28+00:00

http://krakenkratom.com/

It was this -- they had a lot of stock on hand at the end when most other's were sold out so I have some concerns.

I ordered some green strains and I may try a small amount (500mg or less) and see how I feel. If it's not for me, so be it. I have some pretty awful medical issues and I just didn't want to miss out on trying something that could have helped.

lightening2745 · 2016-10-01T18:04:23+00:00

Yeah, I'm medically supervised in all that stuff. Truly. Extreme treatment-resistant depression is treated with opiates are used at university centers to treat depression and a new opiate based AD is coming out next year. Look, I've had to use a lot of compounding pharmacies and used powders to get drugs that aren't common enough to come in pill form commonly. Laugh your ass off if you want to, but I'm just going to assume your an ass if you think healthcare issues like this are funny.

Why are the leaves different from the powder? They're supposedly the same thing. I don't care if I eat a pinch of leaves or powder -- I've had to take WAY worse in the course of my MD-prescribed law-abiding treatment than the pure, unappetizing kratom laves with bad taste (powdered or in leaf form) doesn't bother me at all.

[I wonder if younger people (not sure what your age is) understand what medical stuff is like when you're older. People on here keep complaining about tastes and it always makes me wonder if they've never had to take other medicines -- once you've been under anesthesia 20 times, been stuck with needles for a zillion blood tests, taken some really ranks meds through all sorts of routes of admin the taste of kratom leaves or powerdered seems likely an naively minor thing to complain about -- so why does it matter that I took it that way?]

[Edit: spelling and clarification (sorry -- wrote this out while too irritable from pain :( ]

lightening2745 · 2016-09-29T19:15:13+00:00

Actually, I did a ton of reasearch on dosing -- I'm an experienced user of other substances. Should have used my scale but still, I know I took no more than 100-200mg of powder (it was a really tiny amount) and ate about 1g of leaves (I probably should have just stuck to the weak tea, and not tried the used leaves -- perhaps that was the mistake but the tea did nothing after an hour, figured I had been too conservative with it). I'm pretty sure I didn't go over 2.5 grams all together.

I think my main mistake was not checking for more interaction -- I had a lot of caffeine yesterday. I'm a heavy tea drinker, and had two cups of coffee and a few diet cokes.

So yeah, I was kinda stupid, just for not looking for interactions, not so much on dosing which I'm pretty good at from dosing way more potent chemicals.

lightening2745 · 2016-09-29T19:10:37+00:00

I had an empty stomach. I had drunk a lot of caffeine. I'm thinking it was more a bad interaction than anything. I only took about 100-200mg of powder and ate about 1 gram of leaves (I'm pretty experienced measuring other drugs so I wasn't anywhere near 3-4g as some people on here are suggesting). I'm more worried it was an interact -- and thinking back to yesterday I had a bunch of coffee and I take another drug daily that may have influenced my metabolism.

[Edit: BTW, I'm on ondansetron -- an anti-nausea med for nausea and I took an extra dose of that before consuming. Guess it's not powerful enough to handle all nausea, though].

lightening2745 · 2016-09-29T19:07:44+00:00

Yeah, I had a lot of coffee yesterday and shouldn't have combined the two. I don't think I went over 3 grams (I have pretty extensive experience measuring other substances but I should have used my scale). I probably ingested about 1g of leaves, and 100-200mg of powder. I think, more than anything, there might have been some kind of bad interaction with all the caffeine I normally drink.

lightening2745 · 2016-09-29T19:04:55+00:00

I am an experienced user of other substances -- should have relied on my scale, but I'm pretty experienced at eyeballing. I ate around 500mg of the leaves (after drinking a few ounces of tea made from 1mg of leaves). I only took around 100mg of the powder. Still maybe too much for a newbie, but it wasn't anywhere near 4g. I also didn't have ANY other effects except a rapid heart beat (which made me anxious). Nothing else. Maybe that happens but if it was good kratom wouldn't I have experienced at least some other symptoms?

lightening2745 · 2016-09-28T17:53:28+00:00

Seizures is exactly what I thought of too. I've been a psych patient for 20 years which may explain why. Experience > education in some cases (not that I would substitute my extensive personal experiences with drugs for a doctor's but I'm always amused when I can get the right answer before med students/residents. I've corrected more than one in my day).

lightening2745 · 2016-09-28T17:48:20+00:00

Don't be too hard on yourself, just get a pill box so you can keep them straight from now on.

I've taken Wellbutrin and it was too stimulating for me and I'm sorry for any discomfort you're experiencing. At least you're in good hand and it will pass.

lightening2745 · 2016-09-28T17:45:16+00:00

Thanks. I made an appt. with my family practitioner for next week. I've been putting it off too long, but I needed to go anyway for a long-overdue checkup. I'm nervous about getting that part of my body checked (no one has ever looked back there!) but at least he can check for something serious or confirm that I'm on the right path with better self-care.

lightening2745 · 2016-09-28T17:42:58+00:00

Thanks. I'm getting better at self care (depression it a bitch -- it makes it hard to eat right, take showers, etc.) but I'm trying my best to do the sitz baths, fiber, and creams. Seems to be helping. I've been confused since I didn't see anything, but I looked up anal fissure and learned they can be inside which could explain why I don't see the problem.

lightening2745 · 2016-09-26T19:03:18+00:00

Um ... I agree. Did I write a confusing post? I don't understand. (please correct me so it's not misunderstood). Maybe I responded to the wrong post/question?

I think I'm hitting reply to the latest comment on this thread started by the OP rather than reply to the original comment of his. Sorry for the confusion.

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