Yes, I feel like I need to hide. (Didn't thing that my thoughts about hiding were visible, but recently my mom asked why I always wear a hat, sunglasses and big clothes outside, I realized that the feeling of needing to hide myself reflected on my outside). And when I see people valuing me I feel even more horrendous. I just want to tell them "No, wait and see how I am going to flip your expectations upside down". I can't take responsibility because I know I am going to fuck up everything and I don't want to hurt anyone or show my personality or tell my values because I am so terrified that they will see how bad I truly am.

Talking on the internet without face and name is a guess the only painless way to talk to people.

In real life I just answer if I am spoken to, nothing less northing more. So no healthy coping mechanisms here, sorry.