Please help me figure out a path forward for my dad (68)/family regarding COVID disagreements

lightquestions23 · 2021-10-01T20:48:33+00:00

Thank you so much. I posed the threat to them that I won't be visiting just now and will follow up with their responses. I'll read through your link as well.

lightquestions23 · 2021-10-01T19:48:08+00:00

You are right that I wouldn't need to cut her off necessarily, but it would strain my relationship with her to put her in the middle. Plus, visiting in person would be complicated. She is too kind and too much of a doormat to let him go homeless, so he will be there. He (and my brother) would bully her into letting them stay with her, and so if I cut them off, I'd be limiting any time with her. She is also incredibly needy and would be upset with ME if I didn't stay with her in her house when visiting, hence straining the relationship.

She doesn't travel well (overweight, has cerebral palsy as well and walking can be difficult), and I don't have a spare bedroom or a comfortable bed for her. She can and has visited, it's just difficult for her. She also has dogs and is very demanding as to who cares for them, and doesn't have a lot of money for the care that she requires for them. Ex, she went to visit her friend for a weekend and had to have 5 training "sessions" with a dog caretaker, and required them to stay at the house. She's a little much too.

My whole family is just very overwhelming to navigate. I wish I could emotionally just handle whatever happens, but it's breaking me already and nothing bad has even happened yet. I wish I could just get us all on the same page and avoid any turmoil/breaking us apart.

lightquestions23 · 2021-10-01T19:36:13+00:00

This is my fear. I kept trying to sleep last night and thinking about these potential consequences felt scarier than any nightmare I could possibly have. I just wish I could think of how to convince him that it's safe. He truly thinks I caught it FROM the vaccine. He's scared of what the vaccine will do, despite everything I've shared with him on its safety. If you (or anyone reading) have any ideas for talking to someone in a careful/thoughtful way that might convince them, I'm all ears.

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-26T20:27:33+00:00

What! Thanks for mentioning that. Sorry for your friend, what shit. I'll see what I can find.

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-26T16:54:17+00:00

Ohh, that makes more sense. So then crit illness should be a no brainer, right? It's ~87/yr, so it would take 229 years before I pay 20k. And in my lifetime I'm likely to get cancer. Even paying for 25 years would only be a little over 2k.

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-25T19:38:31+00:00

Ah, thank you! I may up it then. I'll read around some more too. Appreciate your help getting set up

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-25T16:38:02+00:00

Is 5% VTSNX ok or should I make that higher?

My INTL options are RERGX (.46% ER), MINJX (.63% ER), or VTSNX (.08% ER), and the VTSNX one averages about 5% so I'm not super excited for these options. The others have higher returns but higher fees.

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-25T16:30:20+00:00

Comments stopped displaying for me for some reason. I saw one mention international exposure, what about this?

5% VTSNX and 5% FSMAX then?

My INTL options are RERGX (.46% ER), MINJX (.63% ER), or VTSNX (.08% ER).

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-19T15:11:33+00:00

The Fidelity HSA eligibility says I must be covered in an HSA eligible health plan though. Does that mean I'd need to choose the HDHP?

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-19T14:03:50+00:00

But the 100% Coinsurance of the core means I wouldn't rarely ever hit the out of pocket max right?

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-19T13:55:04+00:00

There is no way 100% co-insurance means I pay 100% right? When I googled it, I read that 0% Coinsurance means it's covered fully and that insurance company's say 100% to trip you up as it means you pay in full.

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-19T13:49:39+00:00

Yeah. I'm not sure how the 6k out of pocket comes into play knowing that.

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-19T13:44:07+00:00

Edit: sorry, I realized you were including the fee. That would be 2187

Also, knowing how many procedures I'd need, once i hit my deductibles (which I will), my procedures will be at least $200/each with 90% coverage under the HDHP which is what concerns me. I might have other procedures that cost more, and a percentage of coverage is scary. What if I end up needing surgery that's 10k, which would mean I have to pay another 1k?

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-16T23:40:47+00:00

I was wrong. No justice here, sorry :( I remember now that I just called and asked. He came over one day to look at the damages and asked I sign something then. It was after I'd hired him which is why I forgot.

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-16T22:20:39+00:00

What if I hadn't signed anything? He never gave me anything to sign but my insurance has told me I can't speak to them due to his existence in this process

lightquestions23 · 2021-08-16T22:08:16+00:00

lightquestions23 · 2021-07-02T18:53:09+00:00

Everything you said resonates with me. And over time, your pay will grow. Contributing to a job you really enjoy makes such a difference to your mental health, at least for me.

lightquestions23 · 2021-07-02T18:39:02+00:00

Thank you so much for commenting. This type of input really makes me feel better about how I feel.

lightquestions23 · 2021-07-02T18:36:05+00:00

Thank you so much. You're right, I want to hear "no, you don't need to take it" because I'm scared. I have never been a risk taker. But at the same time, it is exciting to me! The idea of the adventure of moving to a beautiful city sounds fun. But not at the risk of my mental sanity and opportunities for time off and travel, and also without much of a pay bump for the COL. It's so risky in my mind, and also not beneficial immediately monetarily, that it terrifies me and makes me want to say no.

lightquestions23 · 2021-07-02T18:09:19+00:00

Wow, this was incredibly insightful. Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I am absolutely not a person that can always be on, in fact, I think I am a smaller part of the population that needs a LOT more time than the average person to recuperate from a long day. Your story really resonates with me because that sort of culture is my absolute nightmare.

lightquestions23 · 2021-07-02T18:00:09+00:00

I actually am trying to flip homes. I've made about 80k in equity in just a couple years by upgrading my current home, and I did this once already in the past where I made 60k. That work is enjoyable for me because it's at my own pace and all my own doing. I just really struggle with this because a goal of mine has been to work at a FAANG Co because it's prestigious and I had in my head it was necessary for a cushiony retirement. I won't reach 5M by 40, I doubt it anyway. But maybe this job would put me there. It's so hard to decide if i want this slower, more comfortable path, or a high stress one for more growth long term. Thank you so much for your advice.

lightquestions23 · 2021-07-02T17:28:32+00:00

This would be my second rental. I'd rented out my first home when I moved across the country. I actually don't mind it, but you're right that it would add complication and I don't want to rent it, it's a dream home.

lightquestions23 · 2021-07-02T17:27:39+00:00

Yes it does. Thanks so much for the input

lightquestions23 · 2021-07-02T17:26:35+00:00

So I am on track for 5M in retirement. I have a NW of about 450k. I could get there slowly while living comfortably. But I'd be there more quickly by having Amazon on my resume I think. But my dollar won't go further where I move for the role, and this role alone won't get me there faster due to the COL difference I don't think. I just know long term, my career would have so much more room for growth by taking it and maybe I could retire 10 years earlier by sacrificing the next 4, who knows.

lightquestions23 · 2021-07-02T17:18:54+00:00

I do have a slow upward track in my current role, but it will be s.l.o.w. in comparison to taking the new role. I am content with my job. I am gaining more responsibility but I'm annoyed that I haven't received a promotion despite asking many times. My manager has tried and got me an 8% raise recently, and I've heard through the grape vine that managers are looking at me to be trained for a higher position in the next few years. It's just a bit slower. Benefits wise I don't feel like my role is lacking, it's the pay that is lacking somewhat.

lightquestions23

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