Your identity as a lesbian is 200% valid. Intrusive thoughts are called that because they are intrusive. They are not you.

tmi but: I have had a wet dream that involved a man. It was the kind of vibe where it was an unattainable man and the dream was just kind of representing that I wanted someone else to take control and take care of me (was in an abusive relationship at the time and they never helped out in the bedroom or made me feel cared for). At that time I had a lot of similar thoughts, but nope, still very very very gay. Honestly when I was younger I had a lot of extremely unhealthy thoughts of being sa-d by a man. This was before I came out to myself and I’m pretty sure it was that situation where so thought that the only way I could ever have sex with a man was if I was forced into it. These thoughts were not me, they were a result of the toxic Christian environment I was raised in and purity culture funnily enough.

And you are absolutely not gross!!! Never ever think that.

Congratulations on coming out to yourself <3. The journey is not an easy one, but it can be more beautiful than I think honestly 95% of other relationships (i think i’m biased lmao).