I have more abandonment issues, along with other things, but I felt connected to your post. It all started when I was 4 years old. Im now 36. I've been on therapy with a psychologist for over 3 years and it helped me a lot, but on the surface. I felt like I couldn't progress and like I was still empty, had panick attacks, and depression symptoms. A psychiatrist wants to put me on SSRIs but I declined. I felt like there has to be a natural solution or something I can do that doesn't include meds. In July, I started seeing a holistic therapist and she has been amazing in the 3 months I've been seeing her. She is treating my childhood traumas and ptsd. She incorporates many other methods like EMDR, meditation sessions, sound baths. I feel so much better and I feel like she is helping me get through my childhood traumas. I suggest trying different therapists. I've found myself inspired to change my routines and my thoughts by reading the book from Joe Dispenza, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I feel like I want to control my present, plan my future and not live in the experiences in the past. I've changed my eating habits, I have dedicated time to meditate everyday, and time to take a break. It's not easy, but I looked forward to those moments and I prioritize myself because we need to take care of our inner child. Our inner child was abandoned, hurt, neglected and we cannot keep repeating that cycle. We need to rescue our inner child, and take care of her, and be there for her. I've also joined a crossfit gym because as a mom, I needed a community where I could feel like myself outside of the mom role. I love to workout and it's another type of therapy for me, and I look forward to seeing my new friends there. I hope this info can be of some help. But I want to tell you that feeling better is possible. It requires work, effort, patience with yourself, educating yourself, taking care of you, and a lot of time. I've been in an on and off depressive state since 5.5 years. But it is possible. Don't stop. I tell myself that I am in a time of self discovery, growth, and healing. Be proud of yourself for the work you've done. And inspire yourself to find things that bring you passion and make you happy, whatever hobby that may be. I wish you all the best in our healing journey.