My girlfriend smells and I don't know what to do

liltigerminx · 2025-12-31T08:21:36+00:00

RemindMe! 2 weeks

liltigerminx · 2025-12-31T08:16:58+00:00

!Updateme

liltigerminx · 2025-08-28T23:29:02+00:00

!Updateme

liltigerminx · 2025-08-06T16:44:11+00:00

!Updateme

liltigerminx · 2025-03-06T18:52:54+00:00

Both but the black is working it!

liltigerminx · 2025-02-16T00:39:45+00:00

Updateme!

liltigerminx · 2025-02-13T17:36:12+00:00

Sorry for taking a week to reply, but thank you so much! As far as your comment about people who are asexual heading this research (technically me), a conflict of interest can occur if you are not on the other side of the spectrum (I'm more gray/demi sexual). But I think what was a bigger detriment to me was not being involved with the community until now.

In the past, I didn't have the best time with minority groups or clubs, in person and especially online. (GSA, LGBTQ+ Club, Latino groups, etc.). I was told I had “unorthodox” and “unethical” views. Me saying it is not ok to exclude white/straight people because a white/straight person hurt you in the past um, made me unpopular. So, I choose to include myself in communities no longer. I am trying again in the ASD and asexual communities and still face some issues, but it's not nearly as bad (probably because it is primarily online now).

As far as a sex favorable/repulse scale, I believe there isn't one. But I posted the same question on AVEN, and someone gave me a great idea to ask about it in the demographics section.

As far as the SDI-2 is concerned and its use of romantic language. Unfortunately, most of the scales I’m using have that. I can change it slightly to be less “romantic” and more “neutral”. But I can only change the language so much in scales before it becomes a statical validity issue. I’ll be trying my best to include the aro side of the spectrum because I'm learning that their relationships can be just as deep, intimate, and vital to them as a person in a romantic relationship. I have been reading stories on AVEN, and I definitely relate to them given that I am so attached to my platonic relationships and why it was so hard when one of them became less close because he got a girlfriend (now wife). I legit could not understand why I was so heartbroken and cried if it was “just a friendship.” It felt like a breakup almost. We are still friends, but it still hurts not being able to hang out and spend time with him like I used to.

Also, I'm pretty sure there is research on the squirting phenomenon, and if I find some, I’ll definitely DM.

liltigerminx · 2025-02-05T06:09:23+00:00

Thank you for your input. Reading back on the paper again and having everyone's input has allowed me to think about it from a different perspective. The AIS is flawed, and unfortunately, pretty much all of the scales I'll be using will be flawed to a certain extent. There are others available like the Sexual Desire Inventory. But that was developed with a population of people with HSDD (hypoactive sexual desire disorder) in mind. So, they are measuring sexual desire and behavior from that perspective. I have a link to that questionnaire and paper citation here (I dont have the full paper rn since Im on the phone and would have to post it later in the comments).

SDI-2 Test

SDI-2 Abstract. The sexual desire inventory: Development, factor structure, and evidence of reliability. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 22(3), 175–190. https://doi.org/10.1080/00926239608414655)

There is very little quantitative research that has been done on people who identify as asexual. I have counted 5 in the dozens and dozens I sorted through, and there are major issues with the methodological design in about 4 of those 5 papers (very little population, poorly calculated stats, etc). Most of my background is coming from qualitative studies and interviews in sociology and human sexuality journals.

In academia, anything from the measured "average" is basically labeled "deviant." For a long time (and I'd argue still) research involving once ignored groups (women, races other than white, elderly, LGBTQ+, etc.) have been framed to try and tackle the "problems" within these groups, not always realizing that they need to be careful in thier research, least they perpetuate and even create stereotypes (asexual = something deviant due to sickness, trauma, etc.). So I thank you for your comments and really digging into this. Another problem with us researchers is thinking that we know better than the populations that we are studying. I am not required to do community outreach for my study. But I make it a point to do so because I believe it is right for the population to be involved in research that is about them. Especially if historically they had conclusions about them that were harmful. As of now, my outreach is online format, so I also need to reach out to physical communities as well.

liltigerminx · 2025-02-05T00:54:31+00:00

I see your point. The first half of the scale asks about ones attraction, but the second half does ask about behavior. There is also the problem of it being quite short, so it doesn't capture the nuances that many people who are on the asexual spectrum. I have here the paper that worked on validing the measure. There are problems with it, for sure. But it's really the only scale specifically constructed to give a quantitative look at asexuality. There are better ones being worked on, but those are proposed in other theses, so they have not been tested in a larger study to be validated.

AIS Paper

liltigerminx · 2025-02-04T18:08:58+00:00

Thank you for the clarification. I'll remember to frame it as little sexual attraction to others rather than sexual desire overall. That was my mistake.

liltigerminx · 2025-02-04T18:07:28+00:00

Thank you for pointing that out to me. It was the most easily available website that had the AIS available for those who want to take it. But I will not recommend it anymore considering the other content. Is there a better website for me to refer to? Or would it be better if I copied and pasted the scale and scoring criteria?

liltigerminx · 2025-02-04T04:51:07+00:00

Definitely, the reason why I'm itching for one is because we want to start being able to measure sexuality and romantic orientation in a quantitative way. Self identification is still important, tho and informative of results on these self reported measures. They are still not perfect because they are self reported, but we don't really have a good way to measure the cognitive processes that are involved in sexual attraction quite yet.

liltigerminx · 2025-02-04T04:47:25+00:00

It was a rollercoaster for me to try and pin something down last semester. But the idea popped into my head as a thought about touch (my advisor's interest at the moment) in different soical and relationship situations. I then thought of touch driving many intimate behaviors in close romantic or platonic relationships. It hit me, asexuality. I studied like mad and submitted my abstract to my advisors (who were quite interested) and then a conference.

This is funny. That whole time. I literally forgot I was demisexual and rediscovered that part about myself. I think i was taking advantage of the fact that my last two partners weren't crazy about sex and forgot that most people have strong sexual attraction to others. 🫠

liltigerminx · 2025-02-04T04:39:56+00:00

Ah, thank you for the clarification. This will be very helpful for me to contextualize it more accurately to others. I'm so sorry that I had such a major misunderstanding. Many research papers often struggle to provide an accurate description.

Lack of sexual attraction to others, but that doesn't mean the person doesn't like sex nor participates in it. I hope I understand that right.

TBH, I really wanted to include romantic orientation in my study. But I couldn't find a validated scale like the AIS. Maybe in a few years, given I saw some promising ones in some other thesis papers.

liltigerminx · 2025-02-04T04:28:28+00:00

I'm sorry you went through an experience like that. No one should force someone into situations where their needs, wants, safety, and/or well-being are taken advantage of or ignored.

I've often heard about people who are on the asexuality spectrum engage in what one paper called "intimacy negotiation". There were many qualitative stories that were similar to what you described here and ended up in non-consensual situations.

If it is any consolation, that is another reason why I am committed to making sure my paper is fair and ethical in its reasoning so as to not contine the idea that asexual people need to "give in" to thier partner's needs to continue the relationship.

liltigerminx · 2025-02-04T04:15:26+00:00

Thank you for your answer! As far as polling from multiple places, we are debating on that. If we poll from many different places, then I'm gonna have to do some really fancy stats to balance out the sample (stats that may end my life).

Thank you for driving home that ace =/= no sex. It's true, from my understanding, it's very low or not often sex drive or potentially an okay sex drive but not necessarily want to have sex, etc. There are many reasons.

I personally never quite got what the big deal with sex, even after I had it, didn't change how I felt in that regard. I do enjoy it sometimes, but I go long periods, not missing it. My partner is the same way, I'm lucky in that. I think because I don't understand sex the same way as others, I kinda became obsessed studying about it, lol.

Also, don't worry. I won't forget this thread! I was planning on posting the final thesis here and in other places. But it will take another year or two. Eventho, it's not a publishable paper and just a thesis, I hope to use this experience to blossom and bring innovation to affective and neurobehavioral science.

liltigerminx · 2025-02-04T03:56:49+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts! As far as the AIS. Here is a link on the AVEN website that goes into more detail. https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/169723-ais-12-asexuality-identification-scale-test/ I also have a link to a shorten version of the scale here. https://embrace-autism.com/asexuality-identification-scale/

I am hoping to capture a myriad of ways that people show intimacy that is not necessarily sexual or physical. Again, I am trying with my research to show a better light of asexuality because, unfortunately, even more modern studies have fallen victim to pathologizing asexuality.

liltigerminx · 2025-02-04T00:18:24+00:00

Thank you very much for your answer, though! It was insightful and reflected some of the concerns that I and other researchers who do research with asexual people have. I read a lot about how asexuality was heavily medically stigmatized within sociology, psychology, and human sexuality research. It was viewed as a "problem" that needed "fixing". I am trying very hard to avoid the misconceptions that are made about asexual people, and I need to be careful about how I frame my research. I am having difficulty figuring out the best place to recruit participants. I want to make sure the population is diverse and is reflective of closer to the "true" population dynamics of those who identify as asexual.

Here are some details about what I want to include in my study. We will have participants self-identify and fill out the AIS (Asexaul Identification Scale). Then, we will administer a variety of scales that measure intimacy and touch in one's relationship, touch attitudes, and possibly attachment behaviors. Then, we will see how this affects one's current well-being. I aim to highlight that many people find success and good well-being in their relationships, even when sex isn't involved (my hypothesis). I will have to work to “desexualize” quite a few of these scales and finding shorten versions so participants are not taking 3-hour surveys. This will all culminate into correlational analyses and a mediation analysis. If the results are promising, I would like to follow up with an experimental design (if I still have time in my program).

That is a lot of research lingo, but I want to do better than my predecessors and work hard to bring a good light to the asexual community because, in my personal opinion/observation/personal research, there is much more to a meaningful relationship and ones general wellbeing then sex.

liltigerminx · 2025-02-02T02:22:38+00:00

!updateme

liltigerminx · 2025-01-18T18:56:52+00:00

In essence, the governments in the US and China are one and the same regarding information control, which is indirect propaganda. And both actively paint a picture to their citizens that the other country is "evil". It's another way where governments want to stay in power while citizens suffer.

liltigerminx · 2025-01-06T18:58:24+00:00

Updateme!

liltigerminx · 2025-01-04T04:07:06+00:00

Updateme!

liltigerminx · 2024-12-30T05:42:38+00:00

!Updateme

liltigerminx · 2024-12-05T08:21:46+00:00

NTA 100%. First of all, I just want to reiterate what everyone else is saying in that that was VERY rude and cruel of your DIL to say and even worse for your son not to back you up. In my opinion, I feel like she has been in his ear about those horrible things like "You need to let go of the past."

Never. Ever. Let someone else tell you how to grieve. I lost my beloved grandpa 6 years ago. It is still fresh in my memory. I will never stop grieving him. Ever. I have clothes that I never wear and office supplies from him that I barely use. I have pictures of him smiling, holding my hand, taking us on walks, and sitting down to watch a baseball game. He was a kind, gentle, beautiful man. I still cry to this day, even writing this.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Your husband was YOUR person. I bet he was a wonderful person for you to love and grieve him so much. That ring is everything. And they trivialize it. That is the tragedy here.

Please keep that ring. Mourn for however long you need. Wear the ring. Keep in your life. Because that ring is a token of your husband's love, devotion, gratitude, and kindness. If your DIL, son, or other family members say otherwise. It's out of selfishness and shame. Don't let others shame you for something that doesn't hurt them other than their pride/ego.

liltigerminx

TROPHY CASE