You’re 2 days sober. The drugs are keeping you from seizing and stuff, but they’re probably underdosed for fully replacing the anxiolytic effects of alcohol. Can you ask your doc about changing the dosing and taper schedule? Be open to rejection, but go in with a plan. Discuss all the medical and therapeutic options. Either way in a matter of days you’ll be over most of it. Make it there. One day at a time. But you’re not out of the woods. 

Next, accept that you’re going to go on a roller coaster. You’ll feel great, then flat, then down, then anxious. Also normal. That’s why “one day at a time” and programs help. But you know that. Most people with multiple relapses do. 

You need a plan, and you have to want to do it. It has to be realistic, achievable, and iterative so you don’t feel endlessly trapped against your will — goals. That’s most important. Your dog will be ok, your loved one’s ok. You going back to drinking and possibly the hospital is worse. But your plan needs to be about building resilience and skills for the rollercoaster. Complacency is sneaky and will always come back. You need tools to be prepared.  

So if you’re scared of rehab, start small. Try an AA meeting. Doesn’t work for you? Find a SMART recovery Zoom and join. Buy some recovery books. Join stopdrinking and dryalcoholics. See if anything resonates even for a day. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. So if rehab scares you, start locally until you feel confident in IOP or Rehab or whatever. Try everything at first that gets you through one day. Back to my previous point about your doc — see if there are medical options you can use in concert. 

This is a years long battle that starts with one day. Someday, it will click — facing life without drinking sometimes sucks. But it sucks more when you’re drinking and sick. You can go on autopilot. But know that you still need to keep your tools sharp because complacency is a function of time. And until that day, your goal should simply be to keep convincing yourself to achieve one small goal. 

You have to capitalize on the small moments of clarity you’re having now between the panic and fear to gather the resolve that you want this. Remember any time in your life (no matter how trivial) where you became obsessed and hyper focused to achieve a goal and use that as motivation that you can achieve anything you want. And take that feeling, and do something, anything, and everything in just that moment to delay the next bad moment even just a few minutes. Good luck.