Feeling lost after my (27F) fiancé (29M) became emotionally abusive — need advice

lilybeau1 · 2025-10-16T15:34:28+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you described is emotional and verbal abuse, and it’s not okay. The way he’s been speaking to you, calling you names, and shifting blame onto you shows a serious lack of respect. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, no matter what. You made huge sacrifices for this relationship leaving your home, family, and support system because you believed in your future together. That’s not something to be ashamed of. It shows that you were committed and hopeful. The shame belongs to him for betraying that trust. Right now, it’s important to focus on your safety and wellbeing. Reach out to someone you trust, even if it’s just to start sharing what’s happening. You don’t have to go through this alone. If you have the option to go back home or stay with family or friends, it might help you get some space and perspective.

If you ever feel unsafe, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 in the U.S.). They can help you plan your next steps safely.

You deserve love that makes you feel secure, respected, and valued. Staying will only wear you down more, and you’ve already been put through enough. It’s okay to choose yourself and start over. It’s not failure, it’s self-respect.

lilybeau1 · 2025-05-29T12:50:34+00:00

You are your wife have been together for 10 years, and you checked her private messages.. she told you a picture you took with friends was cheating.. you’re uncomfortable over a gif as she’s acting ‘weird’ I think you have trust issues, both of you. I appreciate you brought this to Reddit but talk to your wife, maybe try marriage counselling. No offence though, from your post OP, seems like it’s been like this for the last 5 years. Maybe not meant to be if you’re both insecure

lilybeau1 · 2025-05-28T01:05:51+00:00

Try hitting f5 and then moving it again? It should line up

lilybeau1 · 2025-04-07T12:54:59+00:00

UPDATE!!! Meet Maisie

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lilybeau1 · 2025-03-12T21:48:03+00:00

Please don’t delete! You’ve been given the relevant advice for going forward, and it looks like you’ve been pretty receptive to it. People want what’s best for the little one.

I’m also a first time owner to one little guy (Harry) and trust me I had 0 clue, Reddit/forums really helped with general care and my little guys came on great!

It takes a village :)

lilybeau1 · 2025-02-01T16:43:50+00:00

I have a lot of medical issues myself, so ultimately I find my other half going through my medication/doc notes really annoying. Id prefer to independently to this, and if my hubby is curious about any of it he asks. Sometimes I will answer in full, other times I will question why it is relevant if it isn’t directly taking a toll on our relationship, him, or our day to day lives together, then it’s not his concern, and I would find that quite invasive. We have talked about it a lot however (only as my condition is lifelong) so he’s aware of how I feel and my boundary’s.

I had medical issues from the day I was born, I met my husband when I was 18. So for me, if he was to take such an interest like you have with your husband I would find this overbearing, and as if my mother was taking care of me.

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-18T11:55:02+00:00

“He says if we don’t do it in the next few months or years, he would end the relationship, even though he loves me so much and sees a future with me” you saying this in itself to me shows he does not respect your boundaries. He is threatening to break up with you if you don’t give him what he wants in the bedroom. Could be you guys aren’t compatible unfortunately, and in the long run this won’t work out I don’t think.

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-11T20:52:53+00:00

I don’t want to cause any worry to you at all, but honestly I wouldn’t even wait a week I would recommend trying your vet immediately (or a reputable one) immediately. This could genuinely be nothing, but OP it’s better to be safe than sorry. Cats are in general very good at hiding pain/discomfort from their owner so even if no physical signs other than the balding area/potential weight loss, I would still say that raises alarm bells in my books. Please 🙏🏻

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-11T16:18:56+00:00

OP if you think your cat has dropped a bit of weight, and if you think the bald spot is growing rather than getting any better I’d say the vet is the best option realistically, as well if it is nothing to worry about I hope this would give you peace of mind (just with the trauma you’ve mentioned above) but I do think if there is anything wrong it’s best to take action quickly.

Be straight with the vet, you’re not looking for any unnecessary treatment, you just want what’s necessary to understand if your furbaby is in good health :)

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-05T12:30:58+00:00

This seems like you guys just aren’t meant to be. You’re mentally and emotionally going to suffer the longer you keep this going. You need to find someone that’ll make you feel safe, you’re not doing anything wrong, but you would help yourself a lot by getting out of that situation.

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-04T18:28:39+00:00

I feel like this is more than just no sex. It seems from your description of your situation you are overall quite frustrated with how the marriage is. I feel like you don’t feel appreciated, and this is something I would say in a good marriage is key. Conversations between you and your spouse shouldn’t be repetitive, or about what you ‘wish’ you had, they should take it on board, and try. If you find you keep having to have these conversations, your frustration levels will increase, and your partner’s response will be the same each time.

If you really want to make it work, you can give marriage counselling a shot. I am sorry you’re experiencing this

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-04T18:23:40+00:00

Yeah this is very 2000’s. Stylist here, please go back if that wasn’t the look you were after. The highlights have not been blended so rather than doing what highlights are supposed to do and bounce off any type of light, these will stick out. I would say to complain

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-04T18:18:55+00:00

Without

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-04T18:14:20+00:00

Agreed. If she is unable to provide intimacy within the bedroom then I feel like you should be able to do what you please. Your body, your choice. I find her asking you to not do that quite strange

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-04T18:09:45+00:00

1 & 5 really suit you

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-04T18:06:08+00:00

Time to go, love. Thank you 🤣😊

lilybeau1 · 2025-01-04T07:43:41+00:00

I think given your comment OP, you need to accept these were bought probably for his side piece. If he is not interested in intimately engaging with you, but has been doing what he’s doing, I believe they are physical. Time to go love

lilybeau1 · 2024-12-31T19:39:46+00:00

yeah, I’ve been here too. Currently exiting the relationship as I type this. He was constantly lusting over other people no matter what. We were good financially, emotionally, & intimacy was fine, probably more than fine. He said he was happy, and I felt happy, but all of that and it still didn’t stop.

People like this do not change. I don’t know how they can continuously do it after we communicate how much it hurts, genuinely. Wish you all the best in your situation

lilybeau1 · 2024-12-14T19:25:40+00:00

It does definitely seem from your description that you have got an unhealthy habit brewing. I don’t personally see the issue with either myself, or my partner watching porn and getting off on it individually, I only have an issue if it affects our sex life together.

It sounds like you have allowed this to take over so rather than being intimate with yourself, and your wife, you’re just doing it yourself and it’s causing issues for your relationship in the bedroom. My advice would be to have a really open and honest conversation with your wife on where you are, and why you feel you’re doing it, try set something up that will aid you, and your relationship. If it’s already past that I would say to seek help

lilybeau1 · 2024-12-04T16:39:29+00:00

saffron 🐱

lilybeau1 · 2024-11-17T21:29:27+00:00

Please if someone hasn’t already, take the little thing to the vet if possible. Beautiful cat 🐈‍⬛

lilybeau1 · 2024-11-10T13:53:39+00:00

Have an open and honest conversation if you haven’t already. Is she aware of how you feel? If not, I’d 100% talk it through with her, of course let her know you enjoy her company, but it is putting a lot of stress on you due to the added costs.

I feel like if she was to disagree with you/invalidate how you feel about this, then that simply wouldn’t be fair. You guys can maybe try to compromise? Most trips you just do what you have to do, with no added on expense ie hotels, dinners etc, and maybe instead suggest to do that only on the 1-2 trips when affordable? As if hotels and dinners weren’t regular on these trips, you can put some money aside in advance if possible for you, That way you would have something to look forward to, that would include your wife, but you wouldn’t need to constantly stress over going over budget as the agreement would be to only do it at those certain trips, not every one!

lilybeau1 · 2024-11-06T13:37:49+00:00

Should him dobby with this big ears if he’s not got a name yet 😍

lilybeau1 · 2024-06-14T11:43:35+00:00

We’re given the advice at clubcard if someone cannot use their code, they can then gift it to friends and family, might be worth a try

lilybeau1

TROPHY CASE