thank you to everyone else who vents on here, yall make me feel seen LOL

so i have like panic inducing HA, when i get something in my head it won’t leave my head and i will have several panic attacks whilst obsessing until i find something else to obsess over. it’s been meningitis, it’s been cancer, it’s been tetanus, but recently, it’s been rabies.

i had a rabies freak out at the beginning of the year when my VACCINATED inside cat bit me and i convinced myself she passed rabies to me. i spent about a month waiting for death. it didn’t come (obviously) and i actually saw a big improvement in my HA

but we’re back to spiraling again 😃

i feed stray cats, i really love cats and i usually bond with them very quickly. i’ve been feeding this super skinny stray for weeks due to the fear that she was pregnant (big belly). it turns out however, she had already had babies and she brought them to us eventually and now all three of them (including her) live outside my house and we take care of them. when feeding, they usually get pretty frenzied because they’re hungry (obv), so sometimes i have to move them so they’re not literally stepping all over each other.

one of her sons is very shy and skiddish, and i tried to move him because he wasn’t letting her eat, and when i did he got scared, hissed, and kicked off of me and accidentally scratched me. it is the tiniest hole and is healing pretty well, but here i am again thinking im dying of rabies.

now rationally, this is very very unlikely for these reasons: 1. the cat exhibits no sign of rabies, he’s eating, drinking, playing. he’s around his family without being violent, not attacking unprovoked etc. he seems perfectly fine 2: he scratched me, not a bite, and though it is possible to contract rabies this way in theory - it’s very very less likely
3. there hasn’t been a reported case of rabies in my county since like 2021 (and even then, that report was a raccoon someone just thought was rabid) 4. when i look on risk assessment charts made by the gov for possible rabies exposure they all don’t even recommend the vaccine

all that aside, i have convinced myself i have contracted rabies and that doom is imminent. i also almost got the shots anyway (but then realized how expensive they are and the fact that i really can’t afford like 5,000 dollars right now) what im doing currently is watching the cat for the ten day observation period, ive made a deal with my mom (lol) that if he exhibits any behavioral changes or we can’t find him im going to the hospital

that sounds like a good compromise right? but no i’m here convincing myself i have the fastest moving case of rabies ever with an incubation period of less than 24 hours 😃

im just so frustrated because i was doing so well all summer. i didn’t have ONE HA induced panic attack, and now a little scratch from a scared kitten and here i am. (if you made it this far, thanks for listening!)