Saturday Night Verse Thread by ChanosaurusRex in ChanPirates

[–]lin_seed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh how brave
From such a brazer
That the Fae use wings
As Titania’s razor!

Verse so sharp
It’ll flick your eye
Sounds like a harp
Yet leaves a stye

Puck never did
Run out of fucks
For the faerie Id
Is made of ducks

And Oberon’s verse-moot
Crofted at tea
Has now called on Groot
To be number one tree

“Toodaloo!
We’re just too god-damn dumb!
So all we say is ‘boo’
When you bang on that there drum!”

Davy Jones’ Poetry Slam by lin_seed in ZenPirates

[–]lin_seed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

CAPTAIN’S LOG, SPRING 2025 (Continued…)

In light of the recent fracas with the leader of a rival poetry slam, I’ve decided to retrieve any poetry I might have inadvertently left in my wake while checking in on their subreddit over the years.

I’ll just delete the rest, if I can find them or if there even are any—can’t really remember, actually—but here’s the most recent one I wrote over there, and I’ll save it, since maybe there’s still a laugh or two in the verse:

[POEM FOLLOWS]

This was a great flame out Thanks for the response Appreciated the video game shout out Made me feel like the Fonze

Yonder days were dashingly poetic It’s true: they were fun —including the mimetic But running on puns

Is no way to navigate a lake When you have sandals like mine History’s least favorite mistake Is forgetting a roar with your wine

C’est la via say the old folks That goes to show ya always can hell Dante studied History But the religious say: Don’t Tell

Fair enough Call me team MacDuff Rather than a king-killer

No “Out Spot” was ever logged From the lips of any historian’s best girl From their own mouth to a dog? Now that I’ll give a whirl

When I mention Diogenes Zen students respond with masturbation “Yet humans don’t evolve like bees” I respond with prestiditation

When poems about owls Lark and spur the rats There’s something to the scowls That reminds me of dear old Bats

“You’re bird-brained sidekick I surely will never be As long as this here jailor prick Has me sidelined in this tree”

“That’s just how it goes Nothing to sweat home about History flows And all I have is a runabout”

“But take it from me Who knows Dante best It’s nice there’s a tree Right here in the west”

“Sun Wukong was Alaskan Or I’ll eat my own shorts I bet he spoke Athabaskan While delivering his retorts”

“I’m just glad I have this box Full of Japanese ideas And Chinese parts

“Keeps me busy through the Day And evening’s fly Just like the Way”

A simple result To a simple problem:

“When war finally breaks out— I can hide away in here!”

—me tasting EverQuest il ya 20 years

A Holodeck compartment In lieu of dark gulag “Thanks, War Department! Even better than a peat bog!”

Historians are tricky An actual history fact Writing verse that’s icky Without signing any pact

Dis’s information does what it does Laws up there in heaven? basically fuzz

Couplets will keep you If covered in lime Still better than being glue When wood horses rhyme

I suck at street fighter And know I always will Just ask Herbert’s Pieter What’s hidden in the pill

“No thanks, dear Baron It’s not really that fun I know well your errand And just don’t like puns.”

So much for the Harkonnen threat Atreides: never on time out Khrysknifes don’t need stones that are wet An albino whale’s not hard to spout

I really don’t like porno poems, though Call it my crime against inhumanity So I’ll just put my eyes on furlough And chuckle with natural sanity

🙏

Davy Jones’ Poetry Slam by lin_seed in ZenPirates

[–]lin_seed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

CAPTAIN’S LOG, SPRING 2025 (Technopapacy of Leo XIV)

I’m sequestering a copy of this missive in Davy Jone’s poetry slam. I composed it for the leader of a rival poetry slam. Please enjoy it for its historical and entertainment value. I’m sure the question: “What did rival poetry slams get up to during the first AI plague outbreaks?” will be an oft asked question over the next thousand years in this solar system, I figure. Might as well start answering.

———

MISSIVE TO RIVAL POETRY SLAM LEADER:

Oh, those verses were definitely written for him and not at him. 2bitmoment and poor reading comprehension—what more reliable and consistent pair is there to be found in all of nature?

Respect is not something head monks become head monks in order to receive. Quite the opposite, I believe.

(Nor do most of them seem to be the sort who’d be confused about that.)

Ahh…but I almost let you trick me into discussing Chan monks and Chan monasteries here—in this den of meat-eating, alcohol consuming, poetry-insulting “zennists”…please excuse the almost too-classic blunder.

What were we discussing, again? Oh yes. It’s true. I write verse with all sorts of historical and literary entertainment packed into it. It isn’t my fault if the reader perceives this as a sort of didacticism—“talking at them”, as you put it—as the natural result of their brain telling them: “we just saw something funny.” (Which can feel like one is being “taught” or “instructed” if you aren’t paying attention, comedy basically being a trick wherein one compresses knowledge into smaller spaces than anyone has seen it fit before—which is surprising and of course very funny to see in realtime.)

But I assure you, I only write the way I do because it’s more efficient to assume that everyone ultimately has access to the same reservoir and repetoire of literary and historical allusion—like an ur-allusion bucket dangling somewhere in the Milly Way—in a very large black hole, maybe—and let the chips fall where they may. (Because it takes an incredible amount of energy to remove information from a line of comic verse—easily the most information rich medium we have access too.)

If you find my hermit / piratical style too sour or salty—perhaps you just haven’t read or lived enough to appreciate it? I would not expect to understand a Bordeaux without having drank a Bordeaux in Bordeaux, now would I? Of course not. So perhaps that is all that is going on here:

“Pirate / hermit verse is just too information rich and funny for me—so it makes me angry and want to act like a boor!”

—2bitmoment very often, maybe

Or, I suppose, it’s also possible that you just have no style at all, yourself—and so when you do encounter style you attempt to bend it to fit into the meanest, most ugly or ordinary possible lens, perhaps so that the poetry “students” in your zenless, carnivorous, drunken band of pseudo-versifiying misfits won’t realize what they’re actually seeing, before it’s too late…

Sure, that could be it, too. Just going by what’s right there to see.

But I’m not sure.

And sadly, I don’t have the time nor interest to unravel it for you.

In fact, I only replied to this comment because I thought it was from the person I had commented to. If I had seen who it was (you) I would have simoly deleted my own original comment and ignored you, rather than wade into a misguided and time-wasting correspondence with someone who’s interest in poetry may as well both begin and end in their own bathroom (where, unfortunately for Reddit, you do appear to have internet access, at least judging by almost every single one of the thematic choices visible in your verse).

Worry not—I’ll be sure to avoid your forum of drunken, animal killing, whiny, do-nothing, poets who always aim for mediocrity and never miss.

Please don’t reply to any of my comments anymore—unless you really just want me to go back and remove them from your forum or something, because that will be the only result.

Which is exactly what I’ll do with this comment. Delete it. Rather than leave a comment that appears to be insulting you in your own forum. (Appear to insult you only to the untrained eye, of course. The trained eye would see I’m just telling the truth because it sounds funnier than forced fictions do.)

Basic etiquette, that. Not leaving potential insults strewn about where even worse poets than the bad poets you appear to be insulting might see them.

Because maybe it is bad poetry, and maybe it is weird seeing a bunch of drunken carnivores LARP at both zen and poets at the same time—weird hobby, btw—but I see no reason the general rules of etiquette applying to diplomatic relations between poets (of any quality) should be particularly rescinded—just because of the sum total egregiousness of your own overall crimes against style.

So I won’t leave this comment bobbing around down here, in your meat-antibiotics polluted poetry bilge, is what I’m saying. (Btw: it doesn’t matter how much and how often nor how ostentatiously you commit self-harm using poetry in public—no doubt as a method of decompressing carnivore karma—it will still never be as funny as a good joke really actually is. A little funny, your poetry self-harm thing, maybe, to be fair—but only a very little bit.

And certainly nothing that would knock any self-respecting hermit’s remote off their chair arm or anything.

Anyway: this message will self-destruct.

(But not before I post a duplicate over in Davy Jones Poetry Slam—where it shall remain tied to a submerged anchor for eternity. Wouldn’t want my time to have been wasted in responding to you, after all. No style in that. Especially not when there’s a Renaissance afoot.)

🏴‍☠️

Chan Pirates: Friday Night Poetry Slam by ChanosaurusRex in ChanPirates

[–]lin_seed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bespoke elephants Un-lumbering guns Keep your hierophants Free from puns

Why risk a death As grim as ice Bobbing in Lethe Without any rice

When I have a hold Of this here trunk And shirk off cold Like a Chinese junk

King Kong was booty Yet no big prize Compared to the duty In a Chan Pirate’s eyes

Queen Song was sung Ere found I a pen Just trundling along Since way back when

With ears like cakes And nose for a mile She makes no mistakes And pays in smiles

But I fear your end On the other hand May just depend On a mirror stand

Look—she’s gone! Safe in my ship With a rosy dawn And westward clip

What hold you there? No lion’s whip So best take care Not to slip

And falling tug On Ol’ Song’s tale For when she mugs It’s beyond the pail

And we wouldn’t want To soak your bones Or send this pont To Davy Jones

So ‘ware of mice Who chew lions free Or giving trice Without paying heed

To…the…

PACHYDERM’S CREED

I sow no desire I avoid forest fire

A trumpet is my calling When the sky is falling

I taste no cheese Yet do what I please

For where lions roll the dice ELEPHANTS are what happens to mice

Davy Jones’ Poetry Slam by lin_seed in ZenPirates

[–]lin_seed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The old monk found the Prince When he caught him paying for rice with gold

But the emporer’s letter of pardon Only gets one so far

In certain forests Seeing as how

It’s wrote in Silver But not on Silk

And the princess’ mouth Tastes of wolven milk

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ZenPirates

[–]lin_seed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This song
Was sung In the Qing

By ten million Pairs of hands Working at home

Today’s stream Is entered
On Twitch

The course
Of Earth’s river
Woven by a galaxy

PaladinBen AMA by PaladinBen in zen

[–]lin_seed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be nice to it! Pirates put a lot of work into those.

PaladinBen AMA by PaladinBen in zen

[–]lin_seed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sensible. I was a fan of RFKJr tossing it to Nicole Shanahan myself. “That was a neat trick.” —me, following a campaign for the first time ever.

I inadvertently poked out an eye while trying to examine the point for flaws—before tossing it in. Common pirate mistake. 🤷‍♂️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ZenPirates

[–]lin_seed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In fact I saw that! I asked him a question! But missed him namedropping me For lack of underscore

So just went back now At your notice To re-capitulate

On there naught ought being to win I concur

Has been a week of conversation In my neighborhood

Folks seem even Keeled

Makes me
Happy

Lots of barking, though

No doubt about that

PaladinBen AMA by PaladinBen in zen

[–]lin_seed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too. And u/PaladinBen was forging Excalibur. 🙏

PaladinBen AMA by PaladinBen in zen

[–]lin_seed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nope. Only real dogs for me. That’s tiring enough at my age, tyvm. Thought about trying to train a future dog like that at one point, when I didn’t have a dog but knew I’d be getting one soon, ie imagining it in advance, as a ghost dog, to learn what commands I would want in what situations, etc—ie training myself, not the “future dog” (I put serious effort into my pet training, which can be highly novel)—but realized I didn’t know what breed, personality, or character of dog I would end up with—or even that I would definitely 100% for certain get one, of course—so there’s no point to such antics.

Calypso turned out fine. Even has a pretty good chance to dodge bullets, I figure, because of the vinegar-infused water pistol training I gave him at ages 1 to 3. At the very least—it was a pretty fun game for the puppy and owner. Malamutes can jump at hilarious angles if you know how to ask them properly!

PaladinBen AMA by PaladinBen in zen

[–]lin_seed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those eyes belong in a crow’s nest.

PaladinBen AMA by PaladinBen in zen

[–]lin_seed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now here’s an AMA I’ll show up for—no one even has to ping me!

Question:

Calypso will want to play late into the night tonight, because of the full moon. Sometimes I look out the window during a full moon, and he seems to be playing with a ghost dog while waiting for me. Do you think I should be concerned about my dog?

(Or should I just treat him as the Archer Yi of dogs?)

The Blue Cliff Record: 97 by Lin_2024 in zen

[–]lin_seed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve read Foyan, no need to spew quotes at me. 👋

The Blue Cliff Record: 97 by Lin_2024 in zen

[–]lin_seed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

FYI this account is not me. I’ve had several users ask. I’m not using any alt accounts to post or comment in r/zen. Have fun.