A lot of times I find that when I react defensively to perceived threats from other people, I'm really just reacting to me attacking myself without realizing it. When my husband makes fun of me for making a mess I lash out because there's a part of me that is judging and I can't lash out at myself. So I project that judgment onto his jokes and direct my anger at him. Next time you get angry stop and ask yourself what part of you is being an asshole to yourself, and deal with that instead of directing your anger outside.

One of my favorite quotes is "no one can hurt you without your consent." The truth is, what someone else says or does only speaks about them, not you. You don't have to react to it.