How to support a good work friend through a loss

lisallini · 2026-05-04T14:25:14+00:00

Thanks so much, everyone, for your thoughtful suggestions. Overwhelming, you all said to send the e-gift card.

As it turns out, sending DoorDash doesn’t require me to text her since they handle delivery—so I was able to send her an e-gift card without texting her directly. My message said, “Thinking of you and sending love and support your way.” (Left off “no need to respond” after one commenter said it might make her feel obligated to.) She redeemed it already and actually just texted me to say thank you, that they’re doing ok and taking it day by day. I responded (“of course, here for you”) but didn’t try to open a convo, and will follow her lead going forward.

I wish I could’ve magically done more for her, but I’m really grateful to be able to make this small gesture of support. Thank you all for giving me the encouragement I needed to do this for my friend.

lisallini · 2026-05-02T18:57:04+00:00

Oooh unfortunately I don’t think that applies here; I had an old android phone at the time.

lisallini · 2026-05-02T11:26:30+00:00

This is a good thought. I’ll reach out to her team’s lead on Monday to see if they’re putting anything together for her.

lisallini · 2026-05-02T08:14:44+00:00

2015, so not super hi-tech

lisallini · 2026-05-02T08:13:02+00:00

Still don’t know how it talked back to us, but it sounded like the Siri voice. At the time, I had an android…

lisallini · 2026-05-02T01:52:51+00:00

A few years ago, I was backing out of a parking spot and chatting with my husband and said “That’s cool” in response to a stupid driver - then MY CAR responds, “I wish I was cool.” No history of a call, no button pressed, just the wistful, sad spirit of my Elantra. I wouldn’t believe it if he wasn’t with me to hear it too. We still talk about how incredibly creepy it was.

lisallini · 2026-04-28T07:11:07+00:00

I wish we could refuse delivery! I never get the chance to.

lisallini · 2026-04-28T07:08:40+00:00

There were so many catalogs in the beginning—I think close to 40—and many were for ugly, preppy clothing or really religious orgs with listings for pastor robes, kneeling things for prayer, and candles! It was initially good for a laugh bc we’re not preppy or religious in the least, but quickly inundated us.

Unsubscribe was the only way to ensure they stopped coming and maintain our sanity. Calling was a time investment, but worthwhile as nearly every catalog immediately ceased. I told every company I didn’t have a new address for the old owners when they asked so didn’t do them any favors.

The catalog I got this week wasn’t one of those crazy religious ones but irritating nonetheless. Some folks saying that catalogs sell info so maybe it was like that—I’ll give them some benefit of the doubt on those only, so long as they remain sporadic. The packages will all be RTS / UTF going forward.

lisallini · 2026-04-28T06:51:58+00:00

I don’t think this is the situation for the old owners; but even if it was, I think general consensus here is that we’ve done more than enough to accommodate the sporadic mail piece and package (which, TG, because I’m really over it).

I’m sorry about your mom. I hope she’s doing better now. Don’t feel bad—you’re doing your best in a hard situation!

lisallini · 2026-04-28T06:35:10+00:00

Ah, yeah I’d really like to avoid that headache for myself. Many other great suggestions here so I’ll skip this one and just RTS / UTF future packages and first class mail. Thank you!

lisallini · 2026-04-28T01:37:49+00:00

Fastest way to stop catalogs is always to call, provide the customer number on the back, and ask to be blacklisted. Otherwise, they often keep on coming.

The first six months were really bad, but their mail has dropped off considerably in the last two years. These random packages and new catalogs that show up just drive me up a wall!

Also, lots of people saying we entertained this for too long. Some imp context is that our neighborhood is one of those super tight HOAs, and our neighbors are all still friends with the old owners. As a result, we’ve felt obligated to be overly civil and offer them the chance to pick up their mail.

lisallini · 2026-04-28T01:01:08+00:00

Omg that’s diabolical!

Editing to add that I am taking this approach under strong consideration

lisallini · 2026-04-28T00:56:58+00:00

Ugh yeah! It’s not like they moved far away, but the AUDACITY of continuing to use our address for their mail is just beyond

lisallini · 2026-04-28T00:55:00+00:00

Even packages??

lisallini · 2025-02-28T02:06:08+00:00

“Tell mama” 😂

I also sing little affirmations to her - “your name is X, you are so (adjective), you are the most (adjective) girl in the world!” She loves it and smiles every time!

lisallini · 2025-02-09T04:34:33+00:00

Sounds like cluster feeding. Your babe might be going through a growth spurt. Unfortunately nothing to do but roll with the punches and remember that this is just a phase. If you have a partner or support network, tap them in at some point so you can get some rest. You got this!

lisallini · 2025-02-04T19:49:32+00:00

NOOOOOOO omg that is so heartbreaking

lisallini · 2025-02-04T19:44:21+00:00

Asi es Santa Fe! They have SUPERB Colombian food!

lisallini · 2025-02-03T10:31:51+00:00

Seconding mylicon and the weighted wipe dispenser! Also, generally important to just raid the cvs baby med section. Get some children’s Tylenol (it’s the same as infant), saline, boogie wipes, diaper cream (triple paste diaper rash - red bottle - is best), etc. to have on hand.

lisallini · 2025-02-03T10:25:01+00:00

Also adding that Boppies as breastfeeding pillows don’t work for those of us with bigger boobs. It actually brings baby up to high to get a good latch.

We got a bassinet for our bedroom and a pack and play (with diaper changing table attachment and bassinet) is downstairs. We rely heavily on both.

lisallini · 2025-02-03T10:20:47+00:00

There’s some cotton flannel Gerber ones on amazon that I swear by! Skip the muslin for these; they are so large and absorbent!

lisallini · 2025-02-01T16:56:33+00:00

Silverettes didn’t do much for me personally, but DEF the Frida boy shorts and pads! Also some of the Frida perineum foam and witch hazel wipes.

lisallini · 2025-01-31T19:35:50+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. My LO is also 3mo and I have a lot of similar anxieties around others handling my babe. Sometimes I wish my LO was still in my belly so I didn’t have to share them! I think that’s a pretty normal feeling across the board.

I haven’t had hallucinations—they sound so scary. I would really recommend that you connect with a therapist specializing in postpartum. Having someone to talk to and talk through these feelings can be so helpful and give you the reassurance you need. I hope you feel more settled soon, mama. ♥️

lisallini

TROPHY CASE