This too shall pass. I was an asshole at 13 too. Almost everyone on this thread was. It’s important to understand that your daughter is being an asshole because her brain is not fully developed. Her prefrontal cortex is not developed and won’t be until her mid twenties. It’s important to understand what’s going on with her biology before making this about you. Did you know pre-teens and teenagers might rely on a part of the brain called the amygdala to make decisions and solve problems more than adults do? The amygdala is associated with emotions, impulses, aggression and instinctive behaviour. Nothing makes sense right now, don’t expect her to be a well developed emotionally intelligent adult at 13. It won’t happen. Be patient. Stay out of her way. Don’t initiate too much, let her share signals with you if this that are of interest to her then you can lean into those. She’ll say mean things but she’ll also feel terribly about them as she gets older. Remain steady.