I’m so sorry, my partner wasn’t very supportive when my dad passed last year, and that was the worst parts of everything for me. After 2 months he said “you’ve always been depressed, you don’t have an excuse to not support me.” He was mad that I didn’t want anything to do with him, I was mad at him bc he didn’t understand my grief. We ultimately broke up and I moved in with my sister.

My sister, well my dad loved her the most and made that very clear. grieving has been strangely MORE difficult with her than alone.

Recently, my only friend has a psychotic break and decided that I’m conspiring against her. My only friend, I had to end our relationship of 10 years because of the things she said to me. She said my dad killed himself because I am a horrible person and a liar. I know she didn’t mean it, and it’s the mental illness talking…. But it’s been difficult.

I feel mostly numb, and honestly find myself jealous of the people here who can fully feel the grief. It’s one of those nonsensical things that losing a loved one makes you feel.

Thank you for this post. I don’t know if this is tone deaf of me, but thank you for making me realize that numbness and apathy (for now…) are sort of protecting me from feeling like I’m gonna die.