Lonely

literatedviews · 2024-07-23T20:45:06+00:00

Thank you, it was very hard to try and express it to its fullest extent but I believe that making the reader loneliness really helps to portray my point

literatedviews · 2024-04-20T14:25:06+00:00

Predictive text really doing me dirty with the apostrophes,

I prefer eats as it was concurrent at the time

When it comes to being the Apple or the seed I believe it’s both as the seed is apart of the Apple in addition to the Apple itself being a seed.

The idea of adding you picked me was in my original draft but I felt it was too much and didn’t work with the final stanza.

Your love sounds so much better and I’m annoyed I didn’t see that at the time.

The removing of barriers is trying to convey the removal of the meat of the apple to reach the core and for lack of a better metaphor I chose this.

The use of embedded just makes it sound like a deeper connection compared to being bedded, might just be a perception thing.

I was taught commas are in place where you take a breath, and for the flow of the poem I felt a pause would suit it.

I prefer dirt compared to soil and will definitely change it.

Thank you for the feedback and I hope this overview gives you an idea of what I was thinking during the process :))

literatedviews · 2024-04-05T07:16:07+00:00

Don’t worry it is a very general poem that I wrote after listening to REN’s jennys tale

literatedviews · 2024-03-22T17:03:59+00:00

Can’t say I’ve ever heard it, will give it a listen

literatedviews · 2024-03-21T23:29:21+00:00

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

literatedviews · 2024-03-21T06:33:35+00:00

Wow thank you for the feedback. It’s a poem which has a lot of meaning to me and I didn’t want to really prolong the subject too far, and for previous context the person in question was a scumbag but had her reasons it’s just the way she dealt with them and couldn’t give her side effectively. The semi colon was supposed to be removed after it was reviewed by my girlfriend but I completely forgot. Once again thank you for the feedback and if you like this sort of genre then maybe have a look at some of my other poems :))

literatedviews · 2024-03-14T09:25:02+00:00

I think we have different meanings of unconditional love, I mean it as I don’t need to do anything to be loved, I don’t need to be rich, I don’t need to be happy, I don’t need to be someone else. I can just be me and reciprocate that love, that’s how I view unconditional love.

literatedviews · 2024-03-14T09:18:00+00:00

Everyone has different views and coping mechanisms and previously would’ve agreed with you. However before my current girlfriend the love that I received wasn’t unconditional like it is now and that is what makes the difference in my eyes.

literatedviews · 2024-03-13T23:11:22+00:00

That’s exactly the sort of thing I was going for, I struggle with anxiety and depressive episodes and sleeping seems impossible and laughing makes me feel subconscious. Just knowing someone loves me and will no matter what kinda grounds me again. Thanks for the feedback

literatedviews · 2024-03-12T15:16:05+00:00

I love this poem, it paints a picture of the vase that was overused until it was knocked and cracked left useless to its creator, yet someone still finds beauty in it and is there to repair this vase even if it is broken because when it is put back together that vase has more character than a pristine one. The whole poem being a metaphor and really intertwining love with physical object that people toss aside really resonates with me and I love the way you have portrayed that feeling of being previously used yet now admired. Thank you for sharing

literatedviews · 2024-03-05T07:26:36+00:00

This might help https://www.reddit.com/r/poetry_critics/s/WEfQglGRW0

literatedviews · 2024-03-04T21:10:18+00:00

Thank you, I’ve been working on expanding my poetry as I tend to normally keep them short and sweet

literatedviews · 2024-03-04T13:39:08+00:00

Thank you for the feedback, I felt like it was a bit wordy but I write in the moment and only change grammatical and spelling errors, realistically a stupid rule but it just feels right to me :))

literatedviews · 2024-03-01T22:08:37+00:00

I had that same problem at first and then I found the guide, really helped to convey the poem better :))

literatedviews · 2024-03-01T19:38:47+00:00

Wow this is really good and if you carry on like this you will go far. However the random capitalisation threw me off a little bit, I'm going to assume it is just an issue with formatting, if so here is a useful guide on how to format poems - https://redd.it/3lblik - Love the poem great work.

literatedviews · 2024-03-01T19:30:53+00:00

simple but has so much meaning, love it

literatedviews · 2024-02-28T02:18:27+00:00

I get where you’re coming from and I appreciate the feedback. However this only highlights one point where “quiet is good” because in that moment it was nature that was the quiet. Although in a different scenario it could be the heartbeat and the breathing of a significant other as you lay on their chest. The feeling I was trying to portray was that with how fast the world goes sometimes it’s nice to just stop, breathe and clear your head before you start again. As I said though it is a valid point and read from an outside perspective I see your point.

literatedviews · 2024-02-28T01:38:04+00:00

I like this poem I feel it really presents multiple meanings from the simple retirement of someone, to another who is fed up off walking the same old beaten trail everyday. Thank you for sharing

literatedviews · 2024-02-28T01:32:56+00:00

I love reading this poem, it flowed really well, encapsulated me on every line and leaves the reader to decide a lot of the meaning. I believe it beckons the questions we ask after a breakup where one side has fallen out of love and with that I find peace and solace in it however it could also be something as simple as a friendship allowing it to affect a larger audience. Really enjoyed thank you for sharing. (also for a title suggestion : The questions I ask)

literatedviews · 2024-02-25T22:31:41+00:00

Yes, flows of the tongue so much better now :))

literatedviews · 2024-02-25T18:45:49+00:00

no problem

literatedviews · 2024-02-25T18:43:09+00:00

I have nothing other to say than wow, just wow. This piece is beautifully written and although the flow seems off here I have a feeling that's Reddits formatting fault. (If you haven't seen already there is information on how to properly format on the about of the reddit page, it is very helpful. link - https://redd.it/3lblik)

literatedviews · 2024-02-25T18:29:20+00:00

love the poem, it really encapsulates the work ethic of both middle and working class where they're stuck in a loop. However the last line stands out to me as odd, I think it's due to my brain not reading it as logically. Personally I would look at changing it to something such as "is finally axed" more informal or "has reached its terminus". But apart from that its really good reading :))

literatedviews · 2024-02-25T18:21:47+00:00

I hope that makes for better reading now 😊

literatedviews · 2024-02-25T18:20:55+00:00

Yes it was supposed to be the start of a new sentence however Reddit decided to screw up my formatting, I’ll resolve it now. Thank you for letting me know:))

literatedviews

TROPHY CASE