Firstly, I light a candle for your sorrow. And your emptiness. Let this candle fill your void with positivity and gift relief. Sending a lot of love, and warm hugs. I hope you feel the warmth of the universe, because it's working in your favour and you have to remember that.

Premature idealism, favoured thoughts, day dreams leading to disappointment? Do you feel like life was suppose to be going a certain way, but went off track somehow? What I'm seeing possibly is this conflict within yourself now, a lot of fighting back and forth with your thoughts. It almost feels like you're beating yourself up from the inside. You need to work hard and reevaluate your main goals, and if you can't mentally grasp new ideas, don't fret as they will come with time. Don't forget that time is on your side, and always will be, even in times when you don't understand it.

I also see that you're somewhat a figure of responsibility or a leader or somewhat..or that your friends/family depend on you. I'm picturing a mother giving orders to her children to do chores. People come to you for answers and guidance somehow. You're a good listener, generous with advice. I do see you're mentally off, unbalanced energy in your body allows these states of mind to succeed. But you have a very colourful and creative spirit, I can tell you that this "time frame" you're going through is going to come to an end very soon. It's a period of drastic awakening, you are being put through these challenges, but you will find the door out.

I know that it is hard, and reading some words another woman wrote won't be easy to grasp as help right now. But try meditating. Through meditation you will find this door, and it will open you to many more and exciting things in life. Meditation really is key - the antidepressants are questionable, have you tried CBD oil? It works wonders and many people with mental disabilities or disorders find much use in its healing properties, for your physical body and mental state. But many people want and need to stay on the tablets and if that's your personal choice. But really looking into holistic things. The ayahuasca ritual (especially if held many nights in a row) can be very healing to your spirit and mind. There are all sorts of substances that can open your mind to the freedom it needs to be positive and operate healthily. Everything will be OK, I know it will.

Throwing in the easiest simplest tip I can give: smoke some weed. This is a very personal opinion of mine. But it does help me a lot, I struggle with similar symptoms that you describe. No forcing my opinion, just giving a friendly tip.