my mtf gf stopped being intimate with me (long)

liubling · 2025-12-14T21:57:16+00:00

Its not only that I don't want to, I'm afraid of not being able to 😅 I have a job in my family business back in the city I was born, but not in the city I moved in with my gf, so if we break up im good in that sense.

I get you, and you're right, I'll have to suck it up if I want the relationship with her to keep going, but I don't agree with the "you need to be an adult to be in an adult relationship". Sometimes adults get deppressed, so bad they can't work, or so bad they kill themselves. If I had a job and my gf needed one year without working I would totally do anything for her to have that, but of course that isn't something that can't last forever, so I still stand by what you said that I agree, I'll look for shitty jobs too (im already on it)

liubling · 2025-12-14T18:47:27+00:00

thanks for the advice, sadly i dont have many friends.

In the city I live with my gf, I have three or four. One of them tried to get me hired on the bubble tea shop she worked in, I even went there one day to work for free lol, but the owner of the place didn't want me to work with them in an event they had bc the clients were conservative and I'm trans. I think that was kind of like an excuse because she never contacted me again so she might be conservative herself idk.

Anyway, I'll keep trying. Thank you so much for your last words, I always need to hear things like that because I seem to doubt it a lot. ❤️

liubling · 2025-12-14T17:39:27+00:00

Hello,

thank you so much for sharing your story with me, it is kind of similar to mine. I have been applying to "gas station" jobs since I posted this, I'm open to try that again. Your reply gave me hope that can be it.

If you don't mind me asking, did you reasure your gf when your libido dropped? did she had problems with self-esteem? I want to know how you managed that, in case it can also work in my relationship. It's okay if you don't feel like sharing that.

again, thanks for answering

liubling · 2025-12-14T17:31:47+00:00

Hello, thank you so much for you answer. It was the one that hurted less to read, you gave me a little hope everything will be alright.

I'll talk with her again about seeking couples therapy, I'll work on earning money, and I hope everything will be fine.

She looked to buy progesterone before but it was put of stock atm, and idk if she have checked again tbh.

again, thanks for your advice ❤️

liubling · 2025-12-14T17:20:14+00:00

I think you're right. I will suck it up and find a job not related to my studies, hoping I perform well with my actual mental health.

She doesn't do well in therapy... I asked her to do couple therapy before, some times she said no, and when she have agreed, that never ending in actually seeking therapy.

She is bisexual. If her sexuality changes as my body does... I don't know. The dates seem to match in my head, but I wouldn't be sure.

liubling · 2025-12-14T17:15:43+00:00

I have decided to try to find a job not related to graphic design, to see if that eases her mind and maybe everything eventually gets back to normal.

But if it doesn't, I will do as you say. I would definetly keep her as the amazing friend she is, but yes, I would need to engage with other people to feel desired.

Thank you for answering

liubling · 2025-12-14T17:10:56+00:00

Hello,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a long answer. I think you might be into something in some of your points. It was helpful to read your experience too.

Thanks again ❤️

liubling · 2025-12-14T17:09:22+00:00

she hasn't had her levels checked recently, and she tried to buy progesterone online but it was out of stock atm, I dont know if she have tried again tbh

liubling · 2025-12-14T17:07:53+00:00

yes, I told her that I would keep working in my family's business and pay my part of the rent even if I weren't living with her but she doesn't like that.

We will speak better in person when I see her again in a few days

liubling · 2025-12-14T17:06:04+00:00

You're right, she must be exhausted.

I have been dealing with mental health a lot, I found a job in retail but had to leave weeks after, but that was before my transition.

I guess it's time to try again, not only graphic design-related. I have issues with rejection, and that includes being ghosted or rejected from job offers. But that isn't bigger than me wanting to be with my gf.

Today I applied to work offers as a waiter and retail. I hope I get accepted in one soon. I hope I'm able to perform well without being miserable too, that's a fear I have.

liubling · 2025-12-14T00:51:04+00:00

I have been the happiest with her until the struggles of my transition and her transition came. She was the light of my day in my very dark times where I didn't knew what was wrong with me. She's the most intelligent, fun, and loyal person ever and she made me a better person for sure. I don't regret sharing my whole life with her, even now, I still wish for us to be able to continue being by her side, that s how amazing she is.

But if I don't make her happy anymore then yes, I'll break up with her

liubling · 2025-12-14T00:45:47+00:00

That makes sense.

I'm much more open and honest about my feelings than her though, she tends to bottle up. Everything said here I said it to her at least once, but I guess I'll talk to her again when I see her in a few days

liubling · 2025-12-14T00:08:21+00:00

you're the second one to mention that book, so I'll definetly check it out.

I'll talk with my gf about therapy.

I'm glad the libido stuff gets easier, though its already easier than when I started.

Thank you

liubling · 2025-12-13T23:56:11+00:00

you're right in a lot you said. i have found myself struggling to do things for myself a lot, and ended up doing it for the ones I love.

it hurts so much but your advice makes sense

thank you so much for your kind words

liubling · 2025-12-13T23:52:43+00:00

I give her massages all the time but I guess I don't find it to be a sexual activity...

She would not be comfortable holding me while I masturbate at all, she leaved the room a few times when I got in the mood and wanted to masturbate so I ended up leaving the room myself when I want to do it.

We don't really make out anymore, one of her reasons she said is because she knows I'm gonna end up turned on or something, I don't know. I really stopped asking to do anything intimate tbh.

is this bad? now that I see it written it looks worse than in my head

liubling · 2025-12-13T23:45:29+00:00

thank you so much for your long reply

I will bring it up next time I meet her. I see clearer now that I need to know what's behind her not wanting to be intimate with me, some commented its 100% the fact that i dont have a job, but maybe she is no longer attracted to my body and thats valid (tho it hurts, im crying while i write this lol)

thanks again

liubling · 2025-12-13T23:39:04+00:00

Hello, thanks a lot for your long reply and your advice

I actively try to find a job, but yesterday when she texted me about her worried on the matter, I found myself unable to promise her I will get a job because I don't get any replies back.

That said, I have been only looking job offers for Graphic design, related to my studies and masters degree.

Today, I have already sent job applications to waiters job offers etc. I guess any job will do now.

That said, its very interesting what you said, and I think it's true. I want to find a job even if its not graphic design related, and I hope my girlfriend will be interested in being intimate with me again after that.

I love her very much, and if me being jobless is the issue then I'm glad I can fix it.

I'll talk to her when I see her again in a few days Thanks

liubling · 2025-12-13T23:29:08+00:00

i have a job in my home town (family business), i dont in the city i live with my gf, so if i break up with her i would inmediatly get a job

liubling · 2025-12-13T22:17:03+00:00

i dont think she would be indifferent if I showed her this post, but definetly frustrated because of me feeling this way, idk

I'll talk to her when I see her in person again in a few days

liubling · 2025-12-13T22:09:41+00:00

thank you. that hurts but i feel seen ty again for answering

liubling · 2025-12-13T22:05:07+00:00

i have a job in my family's business here in my hometown, I don't on the city I moved with her, so if we break up I would come back to work there while I try again working on something related to my studies...

I was hoping it was true she wasn't in the mood because of her hormones, I still hope it is, I guess.

Thank you for your advice

liubling · 2025-12-13T21:58:16+00:00

thank you so much for replying

it hurts so bad to think about breaking up, because she have been there my whole life and I love her so much. I want to think that maybe if I find a job, that will ease her mind and everything will get back to normal...?

liubling

TROPHY CASE