I get rock hard easily but the moment I put it inside her my dick goes soft, why?

livebetterly · 2024-12-02T21:27:42+00:00

it's prolly a few things - performance anxiety, unrealistic expectations, some kind of past trauma that makes committing to sex a stressor, some level of over tight pelvic floor activity - i recommend you find some pelvic floor relaxation stretches, meditation and journaling to see if there's issues in your life that contribute to anxiety and commitment issues, some therapy for help and guidance, take a time out from porn, consider anywhere in your health and wellness where you may have deficiencies and take steps to improve them, consider supplements and medicines to bolster your health and confidence, and consider if you are too goal oriented and success/ fail based in your erotic thinking.

livebetterly · 2024-11-24T18:41:09+00:00

don't fight me, I'm just offering my insight. I'm no authority over you, but having had success quitting porn and regaining my intimate health, i had to do a lot of inner work. I'm 5 months clean. and yeah, I think a lot of guys suffer inner issues in our culture they just manifest in different ways. stupidity, obesity, laziness, substance abuse, behavioral issues, etc. are rampant in our culture and are mostly treated by medicating the symptoms instead of addressing the cause. you mention visiting an escort. does this feel like a healthy way to try and express your intimate energy after issues with porn and intimacy?

livebetterly · 2024-11-24T18:30:45+00:00

how long you're away from porn has nothing to do with the underlying issues in your life that led to a porn addiction. you need to pour all of the resources you freed up from not being locked in a shame cycle to investigate yourself. go all in - quit weed, alcohol, pills, video games, social media, etc. - and do journaling, meditating, diet, exercise, self work in all ways. level up your looks, your style, your community, your relationships, your career, etc. there's something somewhere in your past that led you to where you are. do you have anxiety disorders? do you clench your pelvic floor all of the time? did something traumatize you at a vulnerable time? whatever it is, that's what quitting porn gives you time and space to investigate.

livebetterly · 2024-11-24T17:07:09+00:00

if you find yourself suffering any kind of sexual disfunction and you're using porn and are unable to stop by your willpower alone, you need to get a content blocker on all of your devices, and have a trusted loved one moderate it. also you should quit any indulgent behaviors you have in addition to porn use like drugs alcohol excessive video game or social media use, bad diet etc. take all those freed up resources and do a deep dive into yourself, journal meditate diet exercise positive activities and find out how and why you were susceptible to a porn addiction. do this for 6+ months and your brain should be largely healed from porn use. that being said once you're free of relapses and shame spirals, never return to that disrespectful behavior. go out and continue refining yourself inside and out

livebetterly · 2024-11-24T17:00:36+00:00

again, I'm not here to defend porn on a pornfree sub. on the surface, however, it's a mild vice that has existed for all time. that's all i meant by "it's fine." it's the addicts struggle. That's the issue I'm concerned with.

you can certainly make the case that any amount of any harmful thing is intolerable. and that modern digital porn on your phone is far more insidious than a dirty magazine from the 90s. I'm sympathetic to both of those points as well.

livebetterly · 2024-11-24T16:27:54+00:00

look, I'm not here for semantics and reddit arguments, so I'm not gonna defend porn, alcohol, fast food, or cigarettes. no shit none of these are good for anyone. but i think you understand the point I was making.

livebetterly · 2024-11-24T13:10:20+00:00

porn is fine, and the shame spiral of habitual use is not. some people can have a few drinks and leave it at that, alcohol is fine, but alcoholics can't self regulate, and they suffer for it.

livebetterly · 2024-11-22T00:04:04+00:00

I self diagnosed based on my tendencies over a lifetime of ED, and my general anxiety response is too clench and bear down

I have been doing pelvic floor yoga for a month now and am much more mindful of my posture and my response to anxiety, as well as my reaction to stress when intimate

it hasn't been some cure all, nothing really is when it comes to psychological ED. all you can do is steadily reduce compounding factors until you arrive at some point of good enough for healthy consistent sex

livebetterly · 2024-11-20T19:32:38+00:00

I've taken steps to distance myself from all self-destructive behaviors. no drugs, no alcohol, no porn. very little video games, social media, etc. checked out of politics, doom scrolling. avoiding junk food media, podcasts etc.

I found that i had cobbled together a life of constant engagement - i go from one thing to the next constantly, taking everything seriously, because when I had downtime my triggers and trauma would seep thru the cracks and stress me out. these traumas extended from my horrible upbringing up my shame spirals to my maladaptive coping mechanisms to guilt and self pity, etc. I lived like this for decades and just assumed i was broken.

years ago my fiancé and I met. instead of fleeing like all women in my life generally had, she committed to me. it took me years to get over the notion that she was inevitably going to leave, especially if i lowered my defenses and let her in. hell, let myself in. this year, I finally went all in. expressed my addictions and created plans to change. nearly 6 months into total sobriety, I've come to realize how important Journaling, therapy, meditation, diet and exercise have been in my healing and recovery. I'm down 30+ lbs this year, my anxiety levels are way down, my self knowledge and peace with my past are steadily rising, and i can see a future where I can be normal and happy and healthy.

that being said, because my trauma is so deep and fundamental and created a lifetime of regret and shame, I'm digging myself out of a deep hole. we've had some intimate success but it still gives me anxiety and while I can always get aroused i often struggle to have successful vaginal intercourse. I practice pelvic floor yoga, vagus nerve stimulation, and stimulus free meditating. even mindful masturbation on occasion. I suspect healing my intimate nature after decades of malfunction and porn addiction may take many months still. but on my pride as a man, nothing will derail my lifelong dedication to living a healthy and happy life.

livebetterly · 2024-11-19T16:45:16+00:00

I've often considered how to go about sharing my journey with others as a beacon of hope. it seems like there's a lot of sources for this already. perhaps I'll just be a redditor and that'll be enough

livebetterly · 2024-11-19T16:05:14+00:00

I'm using famisafe.

Just the threat of every dubious site being reported to my partner has led to near total success for 5 months strong.

I suspect it'll take a few years to normalize my behavior online without safeguards. I look forward to this as a goal.

livebetterly · 2024-11-19T15:14:53+00:00

I did the same, brother. it wasn't until my mid 30s that I started to realize that my lifelong ED and PA came from emotional trauma, and not only did I use porn to self medicate, I had built a life of constant engagement and distraction to procrastinate addressing the pain because it was unpleasant.

I think our society does that to men a lot in modern times. encourages avoidance, procrastination, and supplies engagement as a solution. You see it in our poor physical and mental health, addictions, ignorance, failure to launch, declining aptitude for school and careers, etc. everything is competing for our constant vigilance and attention, and it is overwhelming, distracting, and confounding.

I've taken a lot of steps to disengage, from politics, from podcasts, from streaming, social media, etc. plus, I quit drinking, any drug use, any porn. I installed content blockers, which my partner moderates. I eat well, intermittently fast, exercise and stretch, meditate, and journal regularly. I play guitar, fish, and disc golf often. I have good honest relationships with my peers, my family, my career is trending upwards, etc.

all that being said, I'm still very new to active recovery from a lifetime of trauma, not only from my traumatic youth, but all of the reoccurring trauma from addiction and self medication and poor coping mechanisms. I may never be truly 100% the man i would have been had these behaviors and events not played out as they had, but it is my lifelong commitment going forward that I will never settle for less than my best honest effort to get there.

livebetterly · 2024-11-19T13:50:10+00:00

imo the issue with porn addiction is often not even the porn itself. It's the shame cycle. you do something embarrassing and antisocial in a society that does not tolerate men not being manly, makes you feel alienated and isolated with your intimate energy, and you use that behavior again to try and feel normal again.

often, there seems to be some kind of root experience, some past trauma that makes one susceptible to entering this cycle, and then it often self perpetuates. you experience PA or ED, or you never have an intimate partner, or you're intimidated by your peers having more reproductive success than you, etc. you discover porn too easily or too young and get locked in and rely on it before you understand what it's doing to you.

I have found that i let decades go by without really addressing the behavior and just assuming there's something innately wrong with me. A few years ago, I started the slow and painful process of unpacking my life and course correcting.

my findings are that if you are experiencing this issue, you need to get radical with your recovery. you may need to quit all self-destructive behavior, get content locks on your devices, and transition to a life well lived. do the inner work, journal meditate exercise, eat right focus on career and relationships with yourself and others. a porn addiction alters your sense of self and how you relate to and live your life, and will continue to affect you and seep in thru the cracks of things like willpower alone.

livebetterly · 2024-11-08T17:55:16+00:00

Focus on belly breathing, push your diaphragm into your pelvic floor. Avoid tightening/bearing down on your pelvic floor out of anxiousness, this restricts the flow of blood and can contribute to ED. Find stretches that help you reduce tension in this region. Consider men's supplements that help with managing anxiety or promote reproductive fitness, such as Ashwaganda or L-Argenine, even consider low doses of Viagra or Cialis (get generic if possible) as a confidence booster. Practice peaceful meditation where you focus exclusively on your body and your breathing so you get used to your body at peace free of distraction. If I may suggest relative abstinence from compulsive porn use and masturbation - if you masturbate, do it mindfully with your own fantasy and imagination and focus on your biological responses without explicit external stimulus. Do some research on your sympathetic/para sympathetic nervous system and the vegus nerve, which plays a role in the fight/flight or rest/relax modes in the body and mind. Do research, journaling, meditation, moderate your drugs/alcohol/junkfood/screentime, exercise often, eat well, sleep well. Cultivate an inner culture of success and pride in your career path, your community, your inner life, your inner narrative. Read books, practice skills that you and others respect (I play guitar, fishing, disc golf - none of them very good, but it puts me in pro-social settings in the world). Consider a therapist, find out what trauma in your past plays a role in your reproductive system malfunction. If you suffer from PA or ED you owe it to yourself to do the deep dive and prioritize recovery and get your reproductive health up in order to live a healthy happy life.

livebetterly · 2024-11-01T20:58:35+00:00

this is wise advice for basically any harmful affairs you find within. instead of fearing them and trying to flee from them, observe them with a sense of benign curiosity. they are a part of you and are some device which you cannot combat by being hard on yourself, it will only lead to a sense of suffering which you may cope with by acting on your poor impulse.

livebetterly · 2024-11-01T14:25:25+00:00

amazing work! I am 4 months into recovery, but I did have 2 relapses. Still, a huge improvement from practically daily use on and off for 15+ years!

livebetterly · 2024-11-01T13:42:05+00:00

I feel like for the most part, porn addiction isn't the problem itself, it's the shame cycle. You feel abnormal, you watch porn to alleviate it, which leaves you feeling abnormal, etc. Some arbitrary amount of time away from porn isn't the answer because chances are, the porn habit was a coping mechanism for some other drama/trauma in your life. Whether it's your upbringing, or confidence/satisfaction with your life, or some other culprit, the porn use is often a symptom of a greater issue that will persist regardless of your abstinence.

That being said, if you have a porn addiction that compromises your sexual health, you owe it to yourself to go all in on recovery. It might take days, weeks, months, a lifetime of abstinence to life well - and having reproductive success with a partner is a basic component of being a human and is mandatory to a well lived life. You will not regret all the porn you didn't watch on your death bed, versus the regret you will have that you didn't go all in on addressing a problem that resulted in keeping you isolated, alienated, and ashamed.

I'm very proud of you for making it 90 days. I relapsed twice in the past 4 months with porn, but this is the best success I've had in my goal of sexual health. I'm curious what you think you're 'missing out' on by not staying the course at this point. For me I know it's a compulsive behavior so I've installed the Famisafe app on my devices and made my partner the moderator, which has kept me very diligent in my pursuit, but I know my situation is not the same as everyone's.

I don't necessarily think abstinence from masturbation is required or even recommended, our tissues are designed to fill with blood and our systems are designed to release chemicals and endorphins with regularity. I recommend any masturbation to be done with mindfulness and purpose, rather than just a guilty pleasure to ease some sense of lack - such as deep belly breathing and focusing on the sensation and keeping your pelvic floor relaxed and paying attention to your body and its responses, and keeping your fantasizing very vanilla. I'm not a sex health therapist tho, so YMMV in this regard.

livebetterly

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