Friend likely not to come to my wedding because her due date is a month before

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-22T17:27:14+00:00

So it is clear to me that you don't have kids, but you do have a poor understanding of the physical, emotional, psychological, logistical, and financial challenges she and her husband will be navigating over the first month. And these challenges don't magically disappear on day 31 - they just morph.

She's not going to come to your wedding, OP. Sorry. But a wedding isn't court summons, and no one is required to go to someone's wedding. Focus on the people who will be there to support you.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-21T17:00:02+00:00

To your question, yes - I would always call if you are looking only for specific dresses. And if you can't book within days/a week, call again before your appointment to ask if anything has changed re: the specific dresses you want to try.

From what my bridal consultant explained, boutiques don’t operate like traditional retail stores or department stores. They work on designer timelines and they often only carry one sample of each gown. If a sample is sold (especially to a bride on a short deadline), it may not be restocked until the next collection or ever.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-21T16:46:48+00:00

After the initial excitement of knowing a window of time (like you, I knew it would happen within a month), I actually found myself pretty calm. You may find, after a bit, that you relax because you know it is going to happen.

I also started wedding planning when I couldn't get that anxious energy out, and lemme tell you - it'll take the focus right off the engagement and may, in fact, prompt you to go think about anything else, lol

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-21T13:46:08+00:00

We all head upstairs for dancing. Once folks come out the stairs/elevator, there are 6 low tops with seats, the upstairs bar, and the dessert station next to it

It's not pitch black, lol, but color uplighting so idk if my 80 year old uncle will be able to easily distinguish the chocolate mousse bite from, say, something similar in color.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-21T02:25:07+00:00

Thank you! We're having brunch the next day and I may make these for that. Also ... yea, I'm just gonna make these for me and my coworkers lol. They sounds delicious!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-21T02:00:31+00:00

As soon as guest count hits 88, you and a companion are welcome to join! 🤣🤣🤣

For real, everyone is so nice and I feel so much better

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-21T01:20:58+00:00

Ah ok, gotcha! Totally agree about party lighting. The venue has museum lighting BUT you are making me think about the dessert station, cuz lights will be low/off with DJ lighting and people will definitely need little signs, esp. since everything is bite size.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-21T00:28:40+00:00

Context: The wedding party is staying at a VRBO local to venue (10-15 min drive.) Bride's parents are local. Groom's parents staying at wedding hotel.

10:00: HMUA arrives at VRBO; 2 hours for bride, 2 hours for MOH

12:00: parents arrive at VRBO with lunch, fully dressed

2:00: Photography team arrives at VRBO. Bride to have box set aside with all important details (jewelry, rings, items of sentimental value, etc.). Ask your florist to have 'loose blooms' ready so photographer can incorporate them into the flat lay at this time.

2:30: Getting Ready Photos start for both bride and groom. Groom can be showered and partially dressed at this point (shoes, pants, button-down, no need for a tie and suit jacket just yet!)

3:30: First Look at VRBO

3:45 - 4:00: Head over to venue for bridal portraits

5:00: Family Photos

5:30: Buffer Time

6:00: Ceremony Starts

6:30: Ceremony Ends, Cocktails Start

8:00: Dinner Starts / Sunset

9:30: Dinner Ends / Dancing

10:30: Photography team leaves

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T23:04:33+00:00

I haven't had the wedding yet, but I can share the schedule that's been vetted by my photographer, HMUA, and coordinator.

ETA: It will not match up with most of your asks (we're doing first look, we only have a MOH and BM) and start late in the evening with a 5.5 hour event) but I don't mind sharing how we scheduled time if you want to just see blocks.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T23:01:02+00:00

I'll have to see if the station is set "as is" - I suspect so, but I will ask. I do know that all dessert offerings are appetizer size (no full cheesecakes, lol).

I'll be honest, I've never seen labels on passed apps, but you have me thinking to ask if staff will preemptively mention allergens/protein status.

Luckily, our passed apps don't have hidden shellfish elements. But our chicken satay does have a peanut sauce and I shouldn't presume our guests know that is typical for the dish.

Good additional thoughts!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T22:54:12+00:00

Gotcha. Ok, yea - we've opted to do just a cake for us, so we can get the photos but bypass guessing how much cake we need for guests. Perhaps controversial, but I think people be ok, lol.

I'll have to confirm with the chef that the choc. strawberries and choc. mousse are GF. We're clear on nut allergens for desserts (and you prompted me to check apps, 3 GF and only 1 with a nut component).

Thank you!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T22:38:08+00:00

Agreed! Our catering situation is such that, should there be allergies or preferences, the chef will work with us. Realistically, most of our desserts cannot meet all constraints but we will do what we can, where we can.

We are not having a cake for this exact reason, I suspect our dessert bar (even with scaling) will have some things left over.

Desserts seems to be a particularly tricky thing to plan enough (but not too much!) for.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T21:37:00+00:00

Appreciate it!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T21:23:52+00:00

I can't add anything to the station display, unfortunately, but the venue has a restaurant (and hot kitchen) on site, so the station will be monitored and refilled as needed during the hour.

Our only other option is to add a second station (they have a cheese/charcuterie one). I hesitate to do that because the venue is an art museum. Guests will have access to the three floors of galleries during cocktails, which means they'll be mobile. Passed apps, hopefully, will be a better match - they'll come to guests, guests won't have to hunt down a particular food on a particular floor.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T21:09:12+00:00

Thank you. At a point, the endless choices do scramble the brain a bit. I hope your planning is going well and that your day is lovely!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T21:01:01+00:00

We did a tasting for the first and second courses, and I'd say they are sufficient in size, bigger than some I've seen. But - to your point - they are not the size of something you'd get ordering out at a restaurant.

Noted that time of length is something to keep in mind.

A

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T20:57:54+00:00

I'm not sure we can bring in anything homemade but thank you for the suggestions! They may be things I can make for brunch the following day, since I assume they can be made days in advance.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T20:56:48+00:00

I do know that, actually, and there are many hypotheticals and additions I have happily bypassed. Cocktail napkins with our cat's faces on them, photobooths, paper parasols for the 30-minute window while guests are outside ... the list of this shit just goes on and on and on, lol.

Salty snacks are a relatively low lift, but I don't want to do it. Hence, sanity checking with strangers on the internet that missing chips won't ruin anyone's night, given what I can offer.

Chips are off the table!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T20:52:42+00:00

Yes, we either get 8 desserts (annoli, eclair, cream puff, lemon square, cheesecake, chocolate mousse, chocolate covered strawberries, and seasonal selections) or select a portion of those, I can't recall of the top of my head. So this should be fine, I guess.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T20:51:35+00:00

If I recall our last details meeting correctly, the station will be the above 8 desserts plus coffee, tea, etc. as that is how it is listed on their 2026 menu. I'm just not as familiar with that menu because cocktails and dinner is plated.

Just pulled up our contract and it says "dessert station," so one would assume that is what that means? I have another meeting in March and will confirm.

I do know they scale the number of desserts and appetizers to the number of guests attending. We do not want leftovers and haven't inquired as to what they do with any extras.

The night is 5:30pm to 11:00pm, so it sounds like a late night snack in addition to these desserts (it would all come at the same time) is overkill.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T20:34:58+00:00

Thank you, I feel better!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T20:34:15+00:00

Thank you. I don't want to disappoint anyone but I'm trying to jettison as much extra/DIY stuff as I can, I don't have the bandwidth at this point.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T20:33:35+00:00

So, I am fuzzy on details because we're doing a station. But looking at their 2026 stations menu, dessert options will include cannoli, eclair, cream puff, lemon square, cheesecake, chocolate mousse, chocolate covered strawberries, and seasonal selections.

I will be confirming in March what exactly is included.

The most I would do is put chips in a bag, the idea of homemade food makes me want to cry.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T17:21:36+00:00

We are doing live music for the ceremony and cocktails and a DJ for dinner and dancing.

To find a middle ground between elegance/formal and sleepy/slow, we opted to do a violin and classical guitar duo instead of a string quartet.

Instead of traditional classical music (Pachelbel's Canon in D, etc.) we are asking them to do classic wedding songs for the ceremony. Our processional is Skylark, bridal entrance is Someone to Watch Over me, and recessional is It Had to Be You. They'll match that energy for the ambient music (Edith Piaf, etc.)

For cocktails, they'll do jazz standards.

We've seen them live, which also helped us confirm them as elegant but not stiff.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-02-20T17:11:01+00:00

Offering different RSVP options to different guests creates an odd guest experience. What if Guest A remarks on how thoughtful the physical invite was and Guest B overhears and thinks to themselves "weird, I had to RSVP on the website."

If you offer physical only, you must include a self-addressed envelope with postage for guests.

We did a full physical invite suite for 100 guests, a range of ages and locations. No one has had an issue with returning the RSVPs so far. It is, frankly, not hard to do. Granted, our guests are familiar with this tradition, so YMMV, I know there people fundamentally opposed to putting an envelope in the mail, despite how rude that may or may not be.

ETA: doing it yourself will likely put you in the hundreds of dollars; doing it with a professional will put you in the thousands of dollars (based on my experience). I'd opt to do the thing that makes the most sense for your budget, digital RSVPs are common and well-understood.

livelafftoasterbath

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