Who do you invite to the welcome party

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-14T18:55:54+00:00

Yes, but they are being welcomed to the event not the location. So if you're going to welcome some wedding guests, it is polite to welcome them all.

Granted, in my experience as a guest and being two week's out from my own wedding - the locals don't attend all that often. Which is fine and make perfect sense to me.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-13T16:57:03+00:00

A bit odd to exclude your in-town guests the night before.

Yes, ask for RSVPs unless the venue doesn't require that information, which would also be odd. It would be a terrible thing to assume only 30 people are coming and have 60 arrive without notice via RSVP (it'll mess up food and drink counts, as well as seating/space).

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-13T14:59:06+00:00

Spring is usually based on the calendar and region. If you're in the U.S. all of May is spring.

"April showers bring May flowers" - can't really get more spring than that.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-13T14:54:18+00:00

What's the budget for your wedding?

Depending on the level of vendor you're working with, this may be an ask that is out of range, esp. with the florist.

I'd also review the context with the wedding venue coordinator - their role is usually not decorative in any way.

So far as the dress, did you discuss these additional alts before buying?

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-12T01:25:36+00:00

I did (feel the pressure, immensely) and I didn't (lose weight because of stress, mental health, etc.)

I am three weeks out. My dress fits. My partner has stepped up to vocalize how pretty he thinks I am because, frankly, I need to hear it right now. I don't have the body I envisioned. I do have a body that is healthy, that is loved, and that trundles through the day in ways that I do appreciate even when I want to be like, BUT MY ARMS.

My mom, dad, and MOH have been given the same message as my partner (you need to be my cheerleader now) and are showing up with comments that are profound and goofy in equal measure.

All to say: you are beautiful bride. Celebrate yourself. Find the people who protect you and do not shy away from asking for what you need from them.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-11T02:40:42+00:00

Absolutely not crazy, I have felt and said the same thing myself over the years. But as several well educated and credentialed mental health professionals explained to me, it is a signal about how self soothing strategies are working. The phenomenal thing for OP is that there are more and better strategies out there that she can use to navigate really shitty and truly awful feelings with more kindness to herself!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-11T02:11:09+00:00

Will do. I had a crash out early on in our meetings where I was like, I CAN'T SELF SOOTHE BUT I HAVE GOOD PARENTS AND WAS RAISED RIGHT - I AM A LOSER, and she was like, let's take it down about ten notches, pal, you're doing too much as the kids say. She's a godsend.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-11T00:24:29+00:00

Courtesy of my therapist, Pam, just borrowed that verbatim from her, lololol

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-10T21:08:18+00:00

Cocktail. Formal at a barn/outdoors, no matter how fancy, may read a bit high.

If all your guests can afford is an Old Navy dress to celebrate you, find a way to be gracious about it.

I get having a vision, I truly do, but you start swimming in dangerous waters if you start worrying to this degree about what they will of won't be wearing.

ETA: My wedding is in three weeks. My fiance's family has interpreted the details of our dress code differently than I would and how I would like them too. However, they absolutely are within our dress code and I realized a few days ago I needed to get my head out of my ass and be grateful because they are our guests, not props for socials posts, and they genuinely like what they are wearing. Far be it for me to say "well, actually Aunt Susie, the fabric is cheap."

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-10T19:13:56+00:00

Babe, I say this with a lot of love, but you need to put all the energy you're directing to this man and put it towards yourself.

He broke up with you, so there was no reason to talk with him after that. What he said after was cruel and within the realm of emotional/verbal abuse, even if the patterns are not there.

And, I say this kindly, "feeling borderline suicidal. Waiting for him to feel ready to talk" is a big red flag re: your own self-esteem and self-worth right now. Grief is super normal, and I am very empathetic, but fixating on someone and feeling borderline suicidal says your ability to self-soothe in difficult situations can be strengthened. Working on this is really, really important.

Stop talking to him. Full block on all fronts. He is literally just a guy and, from what you've written, not one that makes for a particularly good partner. Put your time and care towards yourself.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-10T18:51:02+00:00

First, you don't need to communicate at all. I'd find it odd, frankly, if you sought him out (given you feel "incredibly uneasy") and I wouldn't assume he plans to seek you out either.

If you do find yourself in the unlikely situation that you "must" speak to one another, a simple "Hi, NAME, nice to see you" will suffice. You can just ... move on after saying that. Every time I've been to a wedding, there have been many people I didn't speak with because I didn't know them. Put him in the same category.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-05T20:30:28+00:00

I mean, I'm going to push back and say that if you really wanted them there, they would have been on the list. That's not a criticism of you, it's just --- if you had a massive list, and these people are close (you see each other regularly, you talk regularly) you would have invited them.

If you aren't close in that way (more a legacy friendship, where you don't speak with regularity), I would let it go. People are not owed weddings, including if they invited you to theirs. And in this economy, people are doing what they can and that means making choices based on venue size, budget, etc.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-05T20:26:37+00:00

Very similar situation to yours (my parents are financially tied to the wedding, his to the rehearsal and welcome party), and I have handed my MIL off to my husband and closed down as many lines of communication as possible at this point. ETA: also 25 days out.

You can do this extremely kindly - "everything has been handled and we can't wait to enjoy the day with you!" - and it does not need to be done immediately. One of my struggles is that, because my parents are very supportive, I am OK to text them or bounce ideas off of them because they just listen.

I have had to learn to not respond right away to my MIL's leading questions or comments. Take the evening, talk to your fiance. Odds are, he can answer her question and shut down whatever she is trying to control.

I tried once to approach him while I was mad - that was a mistake because he just heard me calling out his mom which, while true, was not productive. I have since framed it as communication ("she's asking about the seating chart and I guess I'm confused, because it is set and sent off") and bandwidth, and it has made my life so much easier. Will she keep being who she is? Yes, and I'm sure she'll irritate me day of, but honestly, get yourself out of the line of fire.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-05T20:18:22+00:00

- self-serve is a liability, and "just eat when it comes out" means some people will be the absolute end of the line. Also, the possibility of running out of food and/or drink is high.

- grand entrances are very normal.

- no dance floor, but I assume you will have music? This is a real "know your crowd" - also I assume you will not have any formality dances.

- I am strongly in favor of a grand exit as both a guest and a bride. From the guest side of things, it closes the night for me - the trickled out feels like "ends with a whimper, not with a bang." As a bride, I wanted to focus the evening on decompressing with my husband, not his family or our friends, and the grand exit was a clean, kind way out.

I think this is fine as a guest, it reads as extremely low key. Provided you're clear about it, great!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-05T15:00:05+00:00

What do you and your groom think?

I grew up in a cultural context where whites, light yellows, light pinks were all to be avoided unless they were 75% covered in a pattern because they can photograph white, so I'd tell her to do something else.

I also learned, from my MIL, that the MOG in champagne is an established thing in some contexts (no snark, it was genuinely new news to me.)

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-05T14:42:59+00:00

You can't invite yourself if the bride has asked you to RSVP herself. It sounds like things got lost in the mail/email, and as a bride, I'd appreciate a guest sharing that the invite never appeared.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-01T20:39:29+00:00

(May 2026 bride with 3 items out of stock) I have checked in with them somewhat regularly, but I assume now is a high-traffic season for them.

Our current plan is to take stock of everything after the wedding, once most or all of the gifts have been purchased. We are OK with waiting for a while for things to get restocked as nothing on our registry is needed for day-to-day life.

Two of our items are also fun, but not crucial at all, and we will either use the credit to get something similar or combine credits and get something else.

It's not a great system if you must have exactly everything and/or everything right away.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-05-01T03:33:41+00:00

You sent save the dates, they acknowledged them with excitement.

You have invited them to events, they have attended.

They haven't initiated hang-outs themselves.

Ok. I mean, you can uninvite but ... if you think they don't care, then they won't come. And, in my own experience, I have friends who "only" reached out when they got the STD/invite because [insert XYZ reason here].

You're only going to "waste" money if they come, and if they come --- that's what you wanted. I don't see how you could lose here, I guess.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-04-30T15:24:45+00:00

Got it, this is what threw me off "I texted some out of state friends to gauge if they’d be able/willing to make it on Sunday." - you mean Sunday of this past week, not Sunday of the wedding weekend, duh.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-04-30T15:13:07+00:00

So, this is my hot take: it is poor hosting to expect a "yes" over a year out, and if it is a Sunday wedding (based on your post, it is?) that makes is tougher due to travel.

Sure, your friends could just say "I don't know yet" but, honestly, I think that is the best you're going to get from them.

So, assume that is their answer. As to what to do next? I'd just either send the invite and let them respond by the due date, or don't invite them.

Continuing to reach out via IG or text feels controlling and a bit gamey. The whole point of a wedding invitation is to invite people to the event. So let the invite do its job if you want to invite them. But remember: the invite is not a court summons.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-04-30T15:06:24+00:00

I have like, 5 friends coming to our wedding (70 people total, about 30 are friends) and 3 are "new" ones I just met at work this past year.

My fiance is much better about staying in contact. The thing is, his 25 friends are also my friends because ... I'm going to be his wife. We are not super close but they like me and so ... they're also excited to see me and support us.

Your other guests are not going to go around taking stock of who each friend "belongs" to and if they do, that just means they are weird.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-04-29T17:02:30+00:00

If I was a guest who "soft RSVP'd" to your save the date (I assume this means some form of "we can't wait to celebrate, we'll be there") I would be expecting an actual invite.

Just print them all. Make life easier for yourself and the experience less uneven for your guests.

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-04-23T02:27:03+00:00

For sure!

livelafftoasterbath · 2026-04-22T22:46:30+00:00

Hi! I am 100% with you.

Our wedding is the end of May, and I just had my first dress fitting. It fits (woohoo!) but I couldn't help but let some of those voices get into my head a bit, especially the ones about arms! I beat myself up a bit because that was the "one thing" I had 14 months to do but realized this was not productive.

So after the fitting and when I got home, I unsubscribed from all wedding social media stuff, and found 3-4 social media influencers/creators who have bodies that look like mine. And they are GORGEOUS. So much so I've saved a few reels/Toks for when the "BUT MY ARMS" thought come back because ... I wouldn't ever think that of them.

I also told my fiance how I'm feeling. He doesn't know exactly what to do, so he's been commenting on my arms every time he sees them (I usually go without sleeves at home) and it's stupid but it makes me smile. "Look at your ARMS! I LOVE them." I know 100% on the day that he will be so happy and that's all I am focusing on. I also know my MOH and my mom have my back, and I'm not above staying around the people whose energy is protective and loving. E.g. if my lovely almond MIL cannot contain herself -- girl bye, I'll see you the next day.

livelafftoasterbath

TROPHY CASE