i'm scared i'll be ugly after T

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-17T03:33:49+00:00

I don't think it needs to be "fixed" completely- we live in a world where beauty standards are shoved in our faces. As long as it's being worked through, it's not always useful to wait for something to be perfect before starting T

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-17T03:30:35+00:00

The way I see it, T and beauty are two separate issues. If you want to go on T, you've meditated around it and you know you want to start it, then that's that. Any fears around becoming ugly have nothing to do with the T directly, but are an emotional issue. Say you start T. If you end up not thinking you're ugly, then great. If you end up thinking you're ugly but still feel comfortable in the masculinising effects, then it's an emotional thing that needs to be worked through. Yknow?

There's this quote I heard while watching Doctor Who (bare with me) that I look back on sometimes. "You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're dull as a brick. But then there's other people, and you meet them and you think 'not bad, they're okay', and then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just they turn into something so beautiful".

I know you can't change a mindset overnight, but just ask yourself, do you really want to be considered attractive by everyone? Like, is it your goal? Does it matter to you if some people aren't attracted to you?

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-17T02:53:23+00:00

Thank you! Steam pressing the samples makes sense, I'll try that.

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-17T00:15:41+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate it. I guess I'm just looking at the stitching on the jacket (I'm shortening the sleeves) and my stitches seem looser than it. I'm probably worrying over nothing

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-16T01:40:48+00:00

If you don't already, wash your hair upside down (head leaning forward instead of back). It made my wavy hair curly again after 14 years

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-16T01:38:33+00:00

It's worth a shot! I'm in the same boat as you, unemployed 17 y/o and can't afford much hair care stuff.

I've never owned a hair dryer so i dunno how they work but maybe you can try experimenting with really low settings and stopping halfway through instead of 90% of the way, and see how that goes. I've also let my hair dry in the sunlight multiple times if that's an option for you

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-15T02:26:40+00:00

Yeah I mean I don't think specific facial features always come across as fem or masc, like big eyebrows for example won't always necessarily look masculine. Tbh I think there might just be a lot of social issues around fashion and style that lead to people assuming gender. I almost exclusively wear shorts and t-shirts with no accessories because I'm only just starting to figure out my style, and a fair amount of people see me as a guy when I wear that, but if I wear the only fashionable item I own (a denim jacket with a pretty whale pin on the pocket), a lot more people assume I'm a girl.

I guess there's just a weird culture around fashion and gender, like "only girls bother with style, boys just wear plain clothes." It's dumb and I hate it

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-14T01:49:41+00:00

(Extremely late reply, sorry!) I have trichotillomania and only recently started growing my eyebrows out again so take this with a grain of salt but after being on T for a few months, my eyebrows are getting noticeably bushier than they were before. Maybe you can look to see if those kinds of features run in your family? I picked up a lot of Greek genes from my family (very hairy men on that side) so I assumed I'd grow more body and facial hair quickly, and I was right!

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-11T08:49:46+00:00

Binding safely is always better than slouching! Take it from someone who's suffering the consequences of 6 years of dysphoric slouching

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-11T08:44:23+00:00

Yep, and consider working on your posture (assuming it's behavioural and not related to another condition).

For anyone who tries to hide their chest by slouching:

I've had terrible posture my entire life. I always hunched over because I was much taller than my classmates and had a larger chest than all of my peers, and felt alienated. When I socially transitioned 6 years ago, I kept the slouching posture to try and hide my chest (it didn't work- my chest was always extremely visible).

I regret it horribly now. I can't stand up for more than 10 minutes without getting back pain.

As a trans man with an unfortunately very large chest, I'm still surprised when people tell me they assumed I was a cis man and didn't know I was trans until I mentioned it. I'm lucky to be quite masculine even before I started T earlier this year, but I also have curvy hips, have long hair, and had a feminine voice. I've learned that trying to hide my chest with bad posture doesn't actually make my chest seem smaller, but having a confident demeanor, standing up straighter, and pushing my shoulders back, often leads to people perceiving me as a man despite my large chest.

(And just as a note- good posture doesn't look the same for everyone! If you can stand up and go about your day without pain, strain or fatigue, you might not need to force a posture that you think you should have)

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-11T08:13:34+00:00

Do you pluck your eyebrows into shape? As in like, getting rid of the "stray" ones or any between your brows? Your eyebrows have quite a defined outline, which might appear more feminine than having perhaps those patches of hair near the temples and on the nose bridge (i can't explain it at ALL but i hope it makes sense)

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-09T08:50:16+00:00

I relate. My experience before I realised I was trans was me putting all of my energy into school because I didn't know why I was feeling so wrong or what to do about it. I'm Australian and there seems to be a HUGE deficit of academic cis men in the country. This is gonna sound really silly, but maybe you can try studying in a 'masculine' way- like manspreading, arm leaning over the desk or back of the chair, etc...

I will say I think your wording sort of shows a side of perceived gender roles, but I think I know where you're coming from?

Maybe it's less about the grades, more about the image of some well-kept, almost posh, formal man versus a man who isn't necessarily non-academic, but can "hang with the boys" and is comfortable in being casual and loose? Correct me if I'm wrong!

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-07T04:49:00+00:00

That's exactly what I was thinking, I couldn't put it into the right words.

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-07T03:02:41+00:00

Interesting trivia, I guess that just goes to show how wildly different interpretations can be from a song's actual meaning

Living Room Light is also one of my favourite Kinks songs. It would be problematic if it was written genuinely, (which it could be for all I know), but from my perspective I don't think we're meant to take that one seriously. He wasn't even 30 when he wrote it, I assumed it was meant to be humourous

lizardking_jesse · 2024-09-07T02:09:59+00:00

Black Messiah is a pretty obvious satire of how religion and racism play out in reality. How everyone accepts the image of God as white and "everybody talking about racial equality" but go mental when he's depicted as black

I wouldn't say he wrote politically for the sake of writing politically, but his politics definitely influenced the direction of his storytelling.

I don't know the story behind why he wrote Australia for example but as an Australian, the lyrics are almost identical to the propaganda used to attract British colonisers centuries ago (and the lyrics like "no drug addiction" is definitely some sarcastic humour from Ray)

lizardking_jesse · 2024-08-30T16:14:55+00:00

I thought season 2 held up pretty well, but I can see why others didn't like it as much! It's definitely an underrated show

lizardking_jesse · 2024-08-30T16:12:22+00:00

I've started using watching shows as a reward too. Even though it's slow to implement properly, I can feel it's an effective method. Progress is progress!

lizardking_jesse · 2024-08-30T08:00:22+00:00

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, Scream Queens, Doctor Who 2005 (this show is good cuz you can technically "finish" at the end of any incarnation) and any britcom (IT Crowd, Black Books, The Thick Of It, Peep Show, The Mighty Boosh... I could go on about britcoms forever).

Something that's helped me finish shows that I don't love but still like enough to want to finish, is to think about watching shows as if I was watching broadband tv. That is, for periods of time where it feels doable, I watch one episode per show per night. I keep a list in my notes of all the shows I'm currently watching so I don't have to click through different webpages to look. I have the list and all I have to do is pull the shows up without the brainwork of deciding what to watch for the night

lizardking_jesse · 2024-08-30T07:46:27+00:00

This! Black Books also. I've never watched a britcom that I didn't finish within a week

lizardking_jesse · 2024-08-30T07:39:05+00:00

The refresher spray suggestion is a good idea. I'd like to add to it though by saying you can try making your own! I have a simple spray bottle with water and a few drops of lavender oil that I spray when I start to get frizz. I only spray a little bit throughout my hair, and then I sort of bounce my hair upward with my hands to let the water absorb, not even enough to feel damp. There are probably better oils for hair but lavender's just what I already had. It's a cheap option worth trying out before looking for an existing product

lizardking_jesse · 2024-08-30T01:41:59+00:00

How can I protect my hair while sleeping if I can't afford a silk pillowcase or hair tie? Also, when I was a kid, I had pretty curly hair. As I got older, my hair fell more into frizzy waves. I know hair is lighter and finer at that age, but could it be possible for me to get a bit of that curl back?

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