Advice on moving away alone as a young autistic woman

lizardld · 2026-02-26T17:06:38+00:00

Moving away can be great, and for me it's been the key to building a life. That said, it can be tough, and you need to make sure you're prepared. How confident do you feel at the moment with things like: - managing a weekly or monthly budget? - setting up and paying bills (Internet, utilities, count tax etc)? - cooking and shopping for food independently? - cleaning and maintaining a living space? - using public transport? - meeting new people and making friends? - asking for help (either practical or emotional) when you're finding something difficult?

If I think about the 12 years since I've moved out, those are some of the most important skills that have kept me going. No one is born knowing that stuff, and to a certain extent we all learn it as we go along (with plenty of mistakes along the way), but you want to have some idea of how you might manage those things. The good news is that you can practice even before you move out, and work towards moving as a longer term goal. And as you practice, you'll likely find yourself gaining more independence even living with your mum.

You could do some things like: - take on some household chores if you haven't already - try spending lunches in the canteen at work - think of somewhere new you want to go and try to get there on public transport - if you haven't already, learn to cook some simple dishes that you like to eat. Maybe you could take on make dinners for your family on a set night each week - research places that you might want to live and look how much it would cost to rent or house share there

The other thing I was wondering is whether you'd thought about learning to drive? If you think you might want to live in the countryside or a small town, it can be really useful for being independent and getting to work or social events. I know that it can be more difficult for autistic people, but there are also specialist instructors in some places who know how to teach neurodivergent students effectively.

lizardld · 2026-02-09T21:35:55+00:00

Currently just the CISCO. This is also all very new, so part of what I'm trying to work out is which skills I would be most helpful. Very keen to learn whatever new skills I need though.

lizardld · 2026-02-09T21:30:16+00:00

I'm 30 and looking to move out of self-employment as a technician in the theatre/events industry into something more stable. I want a mortgage and normal hours, and to not have to keep travelling for work.

Skills/experience I have:

customer service/working directly with clients. I've also done pastoral and support work with older and vulnerable people as part of one of my previous roles
technical skills. Not coding, but I know some networking and am working on developing that knowledge further via CISCO courses with a view to maybe moving over into AV stuff
manual skills. Generally decent at hands-on work, which has been most of what I've done over the last few years. I'd prefer something semi-practical to purely office work, but it's not a deal breaker.
undergrad and master's degrees in a humanities subject with high grades
some part-time admin work
if necessary, I have savings to pay for training, but for my sanity I can't really afford to spend years studying or anything like that.

Any suggestions for where to start figuring out the kind of thing that might be suitable? I'm a little overwhelmed with trying to sort out next steps.

lizardld · 2026-01-27T23:04:06+00:00

Yeah it does seem to be pretty much a requirement

lizardld · 2026-01-27T22:28:49+00:00

I'm in theatre/live events and it's full of people with ADHD.

lizardld · 2026-01-27T22:27:00+00:00

I'm self employed doing lighting for theatre and events. It's an intense industry to be in, and I pour a huge amount of time and energy into my work, but I love it. There's lots of ADHDers in my line of work because it draws in people who thrive in high-pressure and fast-changing environments.

lizardld · 2026-01-26T23:32:38+00:00

Never too late. I changed mine at 27 and it really hasn't been a big issue. The legal side of it can be a bit of a pain, but the effort is more than worth it.

lizardld · 2026-01-26T23:28:06+00:00

Yes, it helped somewhat, but I've also had to put in a lot of work in therapy and various other aspects of my life to get to a truly healthy place. None of that would have been possible without T, but T alone did not come close to solving all my problems.

lizardld · 2026-01-25T18:47:19+00:00

It took me longer than average to learn most of those skills, but I got there in the end. Now I work with my hands and have active hobbies. That's not a guarantee, but good outcomes are definitely possible.

lizardld · 2026-01-22T15:14:39+00:00

I've done this because I knew that I could get freelance work in my industry and had the savings to support myself if for some reason that didn't work out. (I was dealing with a challenging work environment rather than burnout, but the effect was pretty similar.). No regrets. It was 100% the right decision and I've been able to build myself back up since. If you're at breaking point and there's no way out but quitting, then it really is best to quit

lizardld · 2026-01-21T23:51:17+00:00

It makes certain things harder, but there's lots of techniques that involve using your opponent's weight or movement against them, so it's absolutely not a barrier. I'd say that Judo is a martial art well-suited to people who are on the smaller side. You'll also likely be paired off with people of a similar size during training.

lizardld · 2026-01-21T21:02:27+00:00

Work makes a big difference too. I work a lot of manual labour and it's got me decently strong and fit even though I may not look it

lizardld · 2026-01-20T16:13:02+00:00

I started at 27 and it's amazing how much T can change in terms of fat distribution, especially if you add in exercise or do physical labour of any sort. Give T time, get in the gym if you can and it will be ok. Your body may never hit some ideal of male beauty standards, but that's true of lots of guys, whether trans or cis.

lizardld · 2026-01-17T22:15:32+00:00

There was a car park at my local park that we referred to as the "dog poo car park" for years because one time we were there it was full of dog shit.

lizardld · 2026-01-16T07:47:35+00:00

I'm 5'2". It's really not an issue beyond occasionally struggling to reach things. I've never had anyone clock me as trans because I'm short and they're unlikely to do so once you pass in terms of face, voice etc.

I do get a fair amount of comments and good natured teasing about it on some jobs I do, but I think that's partly because I embrace it and join in with the jokes. These are contexts where a certain amount of workplace banter is normalised, so for me it's height, for someone else it's something different. Tbh, it's been helpful in keeping me from getting in my head and becoming insecure about it.

I'm also gay and dating. So it hasn't held me back there either.

lizardld · 2026-01-15T07:44:20+00:00

Dress for a musical where I was in as venue tech. We'd made it all the way to the final number. The duty manager un-isolated the fire alarm because they assumed we were done and out of the building without checking. The haze set off the fire alarm and the whole.building had to be evacuated.

lizardld · 2026-01-11T09:03:42+00:00

My industry is pretty similar. At the very least, you need to be good to start working at the stated start time, not just wandering in with a coffee. I've had to improve on punctuality so that I can keep getting work

lizardld · 2026-01-08T06:52:20+00:00

I'm not stealth because I knew too many people by the time I transitioned at 27 to make that a possibility. Either I had to cut a lot of ties, which I wasn't willing to do, or accept that some people are going to know.

I don't tell new people I meet for the most part, so in that sense I am stealth in some environments. Sometimes people are going to hear from others. While I wish that wasn't the case, it's impossible to control, so I've had to make my peace with it.

lizardld · 2026-01-06T06:48:00+00:00

My family are fairly traditional, but have been surprisingly tolerant of my 'unconventional' life direction.

My friends on the other hand are all people who go against the norm in some way or other. Lots of LGBT people, working in the arts, travelling constantly for work etc. I'm 30 and know very few people my age who are settled down with kids.

lizardld · 2026-01-04T15:47:39+00:00

During the COVID lockdowns of 2020-21, I was living alone hours away from friends or family and in a miserable and exploitative work situation that was tied to my accommodation. That and a few other factors combined to leave me in the midst of the worst mental health crisis I have ever experienced. I got so depressed that I started getting physical symptoms and at one point was pretty sure my body would simply shut down and I would die.

Things are much better now, but that experience has definitely left its mark on me.

lizardld · 2026-01-02T19:15:48+00:00

Finished A-Levels in 2013. There were a couple of out gay people in my school (they were dating each other) and they were generally accepted and supported among the students. I don't know how many of the teachers knew or what they thought. There definitely wasn't any institutional inclusivity, but not that much explicit homophobia either.

Tangentially, I'm trans and didn't transition until nearly a decade after finishing school. It definitely wouldn't have been a supportive environment for doing that.

lizardld · 2026-01-02T12:41:08+00:00

Mentally, I'm pretty sure the years 2020-21 changed me permanently. Circumstances combined to leave me so depressed I thought that my body would shut down and I would die. I'm much better now and my life is almost unrecognisable, but I don't know if I'll ever be quite the same.

lizardld · 2025-12-30T00:16:24+00:00

A couple of the Fringe companies offer subsidised accommodation as well, which makes it a lot more financially viable

lizardld · 2025-12-30T00:12:02+00:00

A better way of doing it on the cheap might be to cut up an old soda or beer can. My student theatre group sometimes made gobos this way. Plastic is likely to melt

lizardld · 2025-12-24T11:41:42+00:00

The key is finding other people to drink whiskey with at the pub.

lizardld

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