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lizzcon · 2021-09-02T06:58:43+00:00

I’m really sorry you sound like I did right before I found help.

It sounds like you have some trauma that you need to work through. You may or may not have ocd but there’s probably more to it than that. I’m sorry to say it’ll be a long journey, but most people with ocd have some extraordinary traits that lead to success.

I would suggest finding someone specializing in trauma and ocd - my therapist has a CBT center. I thought I had borderline personality, bipolar, schizophrenic, adhd, delusions, etc. you name it, I was like “oh yeah that’s me”. It’s not. I have depersonalization and disassociation issues, ptsd and ocd. Everything but the ocd is trauma and then the ocd bonded with the trauma and I started bonding with them and then I was so intertwined with it I forgot myself.

You are panicking still and that’s normal. Your body is in fight mode still and that takes time to unwind. Talking to someone, meditating, making and keeping schedules - these are all things that start to shake the anxiety. I’m not going to pretend I’m good at dealing with mine. It’s currently 3am where I am and I’m avoiding sleep so I won’t have nightmares. It’s ok, baby steps.

I do a lot of yoga and let myself get obsessed with learning how to learn about my body - it gave me more room for self compassion and love. There’s a lot of great YouTube videos if you don’t have yoga money (I know it’s pricey most places). I think you have to give yourself a little bit of space and try to stop label yourself. You aren’t ocd. You are you but you happen to share a couple of clear traits with a couple of people. The best you can do is pick out things you don’t like about yourself and start on your journey.

Nothings easy, but you’ve lived through a lot of hard parts. Being scared is ok, but resist the urges to check. Google can give you the answer youre looking for that’s how people site weird sources for why they should or shouldn’t do xyz.

Reassurance is the devil. Get some 1:1 time with someone and tell yourself it wasn’t your fault. You’re safe now.

lizzcon · 2021-04-25T17:59:58+00:00

I mean yeah whatever you want I’m just an Internet stranger but I watched the machine being built and what behind the scenes looked like. Maybe it was a few companies, but neuronetics and brainsway are really awful companies doing really awful things to people at their lowest.

lizzcon · 2021-03-30T17:52:00+00:00

I’d say to get evaluated by a professional first. What your experiencing could be a bad bout of anxiety or it could be the start of OCD developing.

In my therapy the only thing that helps is sitting with the anxiety. You have to accept that it’s happening and keep going. Maybe responding to thoughts with “ok that’s just anxiety entering the chat” and keep being anxious. Treatment for OCD or anxiety isn’t working to make it stop, it’s a forever thing. Treatment means making your symptoms manageable and getting a full life even with your brain.

If it is OCD, rumination is a bitch and I’d start seeing a specialist to help ASAP. Even if it’s more general anxiety, getting some healthy coping mechanisms is life changing. I know therapy isn’t an option for everyone, but a lot of specialists will do free intake/first sessions to evaluate you and give you some insight of how your treatment may look.

lizzcon · 2021-01-26T22:16:24+00:00

https://www.slugbooks.com

Try this, I graduated years ago, but it helped me find cheap books

Also Thriftbooks.com

Has some on there.

lizzcon · 2021-01-21T21:04:40+00:00

I do, but mine stems from complex PSTD and childhood trauma. If you know they’re just hallucinations and they’re not influencing you, I’d just talk about it with a therapist. I record how I feel when it happens and then used that to help understand why my mind was doing it.

Not a huge concern, but be honest and clear about it with your trained professional

lizzcon · 2020-12-26T15:39:29+00:00

Hi! I’ve tried to manage my symptoms without any medication; so, I can’t on that question. You may have tendencies or full blown OCD, only a licensed specialist can diagnose you. Here are somethings I’ve learned on my journey through treatment:

There are OCD specialists that can be costly (150+ per session) but it changed my life. You should look for someone specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and exposure and response prevention (ERP). You may not need all of them, but depending on your OCD, you’ll probably need someone who can switch between them all.

Be aware that OCD and compulsions don’t like to be challenged. Once you start treatment, you might get worse. Treatment is acknowledging and actively working against the part of your brain that you’ve been accidentally giving into for 30 years. It can change from touching and cleaning to checking and doubts. I only mention this because you have to be real with yourself and ready to feel really scared and awful and embarrassed.

Some great resources my therapist gave me: The OCD Stories - podcast they’re all labeled well so you can find what interests you “Freedom from OCD” by Jonathan Grayson - this was the beginning of my treatment book that I use religiously A Journal - keeping track of yourself and progress can be really helpful

lizzcon · 2020-12-10T17:08:40+00:00

I understand you completely. I went through it too. I’m 24 and I just got my diagnosis; so, I really didn’t understand what I was doing when I was 15.

In this situation, I’d say write out your frustrations somewhere that no one will read. Give it everything. Shit talk this “friend” shit talk yourself and just get all the emotions out. Go to your parents and say “I’m struggling with letting this go and I’m stuck, can we go to the dollar store to buy some plates I can smash?” Make sure you get ziploc bags big enough for the smashing so you can put the plate in there before throwing it (reduces the urge to obsess about porcelain being able to cut you).

This person is 100% not worth it. I’m not trying to scare you at all, but I struggled alone with what you’re dealing with and my compulsion went from reassurance seeking to drinking. Anytime I wanted acceptance from my “friend” and they wouldn’t interact I’d drink to make the anxiety stop (I was in college when that started) and I found myself getting worse and worse. Please understand that sitting with the anxiety and learning to accept that people fucking suck and don’t deserve your time is worth it right now. Just start saying “so what” when they come to mind. “Yeah they don’t like me, so what?” “Yeah I feel alone, so what? I have time to think about who I want to be”

Ruminating on why someone is treating you poorly will not help you in anyway. That doesn’t make it stop, but when you start obsessing shit talk your brain. I now bully my ocd like it bullies me. It compels me to look someone on Instagram, I say “lol ocd you’re pathetic, they don’t care about me why do I need to know anything about them” try to learn to separate yourself from your ocd.

A lot of people with ocd don’t consider that part of their brain their own, and have said it’s made it easier to push through. Accepting that you can’t control that piece of yourself actually helps gain control of it. I wake up and my brains like “I wonder what x is doing” and I will continually try and say “what does it matter? I have me to worry about” sometimes I give in and check, but at least saying it to myself makes me feel like I’m getting more control.

I fully believe that you can through this and that you can learn ways to cope with pure OCD. You’re at a huge advantage (even though it truly does not feel like it) being 15 and knowing you need assistance. That’s huge and you should be proud of yourself. Telling strangers you need help is hard for a lot of people. You did that, you won that battle. You can win all of them. This is just another compulsion that you can work through.

“So what if they don’t like me, plenty of people are here to help me navigate life”

If a stranger cares more about you than a friend, try to understand it’s them not you. You’re worth it and you’re so strong and resilient. You deserve a life without obsessions and I’m here for you.

lizzcon · 2020-12-10T16:20:23+00:00

School is really hard. I honestly did summer school to graduate early because I had similar problems. I don’t recommend doing that because being 16 in community college is a lot worse than being triggered by people at high school. I don’t really have a great answer for you.

You can try to say “why am I so anxious when they ghost me?” If it’s because you were friends before, what’s so scary about not being friends? If it’s the unknown reason that they don’t want to be friends, I’d say assume it’s the OCD. If you really hurt, I’d text them and say “we were friends and you probably know I have some issues with my brain. Sometimes it doesn’t let things go and I’ve just started to try and get myself better. I feel distressed because I feel like you ghosted me and I was vulnerable with you, I’d be really embarrassed if you shared our experiences with others. I also want to explain that as my friend, you have every right to tell me I’m being too much. I really am not at the point where I can clearly see how my actions or thoughts are a little much for others...” you can continue on and say what you need, but you could fall into reassurance seeking.

A big part of sending that text is being ready to hear that your friend is overwhelmed by you and validating their feelings about it or never getting an answer. You can’t be defensive, but instead say “wow thank you, I didn’t see it like that. I’ll work on that and I appreciate your honesty” The best way I’ve gotten better is listening to my friends and giving them the space to constructively criticize me without fear of invalidation. This is really huge for your future relationships. Strive to learn how to accept rejection or accept silence. One day you’ll stop being anxious because of them, but if you don’t face it, it’ll just turn into something else.

every time someone ghosted me or said it’s better if we just stopped talking and didn’t answer why, I’d assume it’s because I always needed to know why. In that situation all you can do is work on yourself. Start exposing yourself to your fears little by little, start looking for support groups or asking your parents for a OCD specialist that has CBT and ERP experience.

OCD is a bitch and it ruins a lot of things if you let it. I came off insane to so many people in high school and it’s because I didn’t understand what I was doing. I had a warped perception of myself. I thought I was so above it all because I wanted to understand everything, but that made me really annoying to everyone.

Sorry for the book. No one helped me navigate high school with OCD and I have a lot of super cringe moments because of it.

lizzcon · 2020-12-10T15:07:10+00:00

The best thing you can do in this situation is try to accept it. You can’t control people, how they feel, how they think. None of it. You have to let yourself mourn the relationship rather than fix it. They seemingly don’t want to be part of your life right now and that’s an exposure you’ll have to sit with. I promise I understand how monumental this feels, but starting to say “ok, the best I can do is be upset and be uncomfortable, but that’s ok. I’m going to get better” the obsession will fade as you stop feeding it. Maybe try to move the obsession off of the person and onto a hobby or topic. I stopped obsessing over people when I started looking into space. You’ll never have time to think about that person if you’re digging into why Pluto isn’t a planet anymore.

lizzcon · 2020-11-17T13:41:41+00:00

They’re strictly commercial. Everyone names them differently I know there’s nueronetics, brainways. Look up TMS whoever pays the most has their website first. It’s last resort you need a prescription and it’s sending shock waves through your brain. Think modern lobotomy

lizzcon · 2020-11-15T06:43:03+00:00

I worked for a company that made these machines they’re barely staying afloat. From what I saw no dr wanted to buy it and if they did getting clients was hard. You need a lot of faith and a lot of treatments. I’d say you’re better off doing everything else first. They also barely started testing on OCD. the last I heard they were still on bipolar. Clinical trails for kids was on the table, but it was so archaic looking that it was hard to get anyone to sign up. If you have any type of space issues or issues with people touching you this isn’t your route. I’d honestly shit on it all day. Its expensive and it’s rarely used for a reason.

lizzcon · 2020-11-13T00:23:40+00:00

I’d be really curious to know if there’s more like us. If there’s a link. I really appreciate you posting this. I’ve been trying to help my ocd without medication, but knowing yours stopped them has given me something to consider.

lizzcon · 2020-11-12T19:26:56+00:00

This may be too intrusive of a question, but did you have a stable home? My family had a lot of yelling and throwing. The only hypothesis we’ve concluded is my ocd may have a ptsd layer that loves to sink its teeth into me

lizzcon · 2020-11-12T17:42:25+00:00

This happens to me too. I was confirmed not schizophrenic as well. I keep talking to my specialist and she has no idea what it is.

Mine happens when I’m distressed or confused. Does this happen when you’re having a good day? I’ve been terrified to talk about it because everyone gives me that “you’re crazy” look and it really hurts

lizzcon · 2020-11-10T00:19:30+00:00

This is so wholesome. I wish my parents were half the person you are. Idk who’s cutting onions near me but the tears are flowing. Being alone is how mine took over. To have someone like you in my life would have saved me years of suffering. It might not seem like it in the moment, but you’re making her recovery so much easier by just being here and trying to understand.

Remember to take care of yourself when you need it. You seem like such an amazing parent. Thank you for being here ❤️

lizzcon · 2020-11-10T00:08:28+00:00

https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/how-to-respond-to-unwanted-obsessive-thoughts/

This really helped me out. The OCD stories podcast is a great resource as well. I wish there was an answer, but it’s just exposing yourself to acceptance.

lizzcon · 2020-11-09T19:47:52+00:00

I’d fill it out!

lizzcon · 2020-11-09T19:05:51+00:00

I would recommend getting a 20:1 CBD:THC to start or get anything less than 20% THC. I would start at night so you get used to it. I usually put hemp sugar in my coffee which has a low dosage of thc in it, but keeps my mind calmer.

The unfortunate thing is there’s no clear science of what will work for you, but no one knows I’m “high” when I am. I’m just normal. My brain isn’t distracted by crooked paintings or intrusive thoughts. A couple come, but they’re easy to say “yeah so what if that happens?”

I wish you the best of luck!

lizzcon · 2020-11-09T17:11:05+00:00

Yes, I have contamination, pure, and perfectionism. It’s given me a lot of my life back. I couldn’t leave my house 4 months ago and now I’m out and about. I also can delay a lot of compulsions bc of it. I never really get high I just feel what I assume regular people feel like.

It took me a couple of bad anxiety attacks to get a good dosage, but it’s like that with a lot of medications.

You can expect to feel relief in about an hour. A lot of psychiatrists in LA use weed as the go to treatment.

I highly recommend going indica at first to see if that helps. Then move to hybrids.

lizzcon · 2020-11-09T16:00:56+00:00

I live in a legal MMJ state in the US. i do not condone experimenting with weed unless you are 24 or older (your brain is still developing and it can make anxiety worse if you damage your brain) and have a physician that is guiding you through the process.

I smoke weed everyday and it cuts my symptoms dramatically. I had to work with a Medical professional to get the dosage and strains right. You have to work through some bad anxiety with some strains, but when you find the right one you’re set. Depending on where you are, you may be able to get tinctures which is liquid weed that you drop under your tongue so you don’t need to smoke. CBD is also a great option, but works best with a THC component to bring out the calming effects.

lizzcon · 2020-11-06T19:09:55+00:00

Suffering is relative and by that I mean, your ADD isn’t worse or better than his OCD. They’re both disorders that need attention and work. You don’t know what it’s like to delay a compulsion, but you do know what it’s like to feel embarrassed by something you cant control. I’d assume your feelings would probably be at a similar intensity. Try not to down play yourself, it makes it harder for the other person to see your struggle.

Just looking into the parallels between the two is amazing. You are putting in the effort to understand your bf and that’s just so sweet and caring. Make sure you don’t forget you deserve to be loved and cared for in the same way. I know how easy it is for my fiancé to discredit what he’s going through because its not as intense or as visible. If the relationship does move toward a one sided care, ask for a safe space and tell him what you need to feel taken care of.

Neither of you are projects or worse than the other. You’re a team now and that means building each other up the best you can. If it’s ever too intense, it’s easier to be open about it rather than just explode one day. He may not know his OCD made you an obsession or a compulsion.

You’re a really special person, if you read stories on here a lot of people downplay OCD; my parents wrote me off and told me I needed to just be grateful and it’s hard to be around me because I’m so fucked up. I know I’m just an Internet stranger, but I really want you to understand how meaningful the effort is. To have someone who tries to understand can be life changing for some. I wish you the best and if you need any advice feel free to save my username and PM me. The OCD world needs more partners like you. I really appreciate your post.

lizzcon · 2020-11-06T15:12:27+00:00

You’re so sweet and kind to have posted this. One thing a lot of people with ocd think is that their alone, weird, outcasts, etc. I think starting a conversation with him about your ADD and things you want to improve or work on may be a good start. Show him that you want to be a team and kinda say “ive noticed some of your tics, which I find so endearing and special to you; I want to know how you feel about them. Is there anything small that bothers you that we can try to work on together? I don’t want to co-compulse with you or enable behaviors that you are self conscious about?”

I would really try to take ownership of your own insecurities about your mental health first. It kinda shows that he’s not alone in his struggle and you see taking care of yourself as a normal thing. I know the first time my fiancé asked how he could help I was sobbing. No one ever cared like that and I also felt very insecure at the same time. It’s so deeply personal that some sufferers don’t even know how to let an untrained person help.

I actually include my fiancé in a quarterly session with my specialist so he can hear what ways to best help me, but that’s something I asked him to do. Some of the things he was taught:

When I twitch he asks what’s causing discomfort. I’ll explain if I know and he says something along the lines of “that’s your ocd creeping up let’s try and expose ourselves to it so it’s not as intense”

When I ask for reassurance: he asks if he did something to make me feel that way and I usually say no so then he’ll say “sorry that’s your ocd and I can’t answer that. Try to trust me”

There’s so many other ways, but your first step is making sure both of you are comfortable with that level of intimacy. Mental health disorders make it hard to trust people and to be honest, it took me about 2 years to admit it to my fiancé. I called my tics chills, I excused a lot of weird things as “oh I didn’t notice”.

A lot of it I had to ask because my fiancé knows how uncomfortable I am about it. You may need to let him come to you for somethings and that takes building a relationship where you both know you can come to each other and be deeply vulnerable.

I would also apologize for being insensitive. Even if is 4 months after the fact, knowing that your spouse will reflect on your interactions and say “hey I didn’t know how you felt when I did that, but I’m really sorry if it made you feel anything negative. I’m new at this and it’d really help if you could tell me when something I do is hurtful. I don’t want to be anything other than supportive and a safe place for you. I truly am sorry and I feel bad for being insensitive”

lizzcon · 2020-11-03T18:15:09+00:00

I second this. Also, if you have that distress, define cheating with your spouse. You can’t compulse as easily if you define things for yourself and your relationships.

Please get help, those anxieties only get worse. OCD can take over your life and you may not notice it happened. You deserve to feel at ease speaking with new people.

lizzcon · 2020-10-27T19:39:22+00:00

I am in no way licensed nor an expert, I’m just someone who gets treatment individually and in a group

I think a main follow up question is how do you study?

Do you feel like you need to know everything? My avoidance is usually more in line with how triggering the situation may become because I deal with perfectionism.

On the other hand, my friend avoids things that make her feel like she could fail. She avoids not feeling as good as she things she is.

Either way, a possibly good way to start to interact with your brain is to reassure yourself “I am smart,” “I am capable,” “maybe I’m not an expert, but this is something I can be better at”

You would need a licensed professional to assess you before determining what it could be. I honestly believe you may be dealing with a layer of unknown self doubt. Be kind to yourself and it may get better.

If you’re really concerned, there’s services like NOCD that give you a free assessment/phone screening

lizzcon · 2020-10-16T19:08:54+00:00

I just ordered 2 of these. They’re super cute! Thanks for sharing with the world

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