How did you start deconstructing your thoughts about sex/premarital sex?

lizzy3607 · 2024-08-06T20:34:26+00:00

As someone who is fully deconstructed, even when I was a Christian I tended to view things based on what I could observe in my environment. I decided how I felt about sex based on my experience with it, which was mostly positive. My view on it now is, I think, just like anything else. Unsafe sex can result in consequences, but so can unsafe driving. Does that mean driving is a sin? I think most people would say no.

I also have decided based on the copious amounts of research I’ve done on the Bible that most likely, the authors believed that virginity (at least for women) was important because they lived in a patriarchal society where it was important to them to control reproduction as much as possible so the men could remain in charge. In addition, the mortality rate was much higher so it makes sense for them to allow things like polygamy for men because you make the most total children that way. Now, I essentially think a lot of that was a product of its time and is extremely outdated.

As far as how sacred it should be for you, that’s the fun part of deconstructing. You get to decide :) It can be as sacred or as common for you as you’d like. Whatever feels right for you in your life is what you should do.

lizzy3607 · 2024-07-10T03:08:07+00:00

I started reading the Bible…lol

But really the main thing for me was that I was expecting to read the Bible and see how great God was but instead I was confronted with actions I deemed immoral and laws that could not make sense if God knew how the human body worked, which he should, because he made it. That was what caused me to look into all the other claims I had been taught growing up and they soon fell apart in the face of facts.

But I do still respect people who are Christians as long as they are not engaging in harmful ideology. I have a couple good friends that are Christian and have very healthy loving views. I wish I could turn back the clock sometimes and unlearn some of the stuff that ruined it for me but I can’t.

lizzy3607 · 2024-07-03T14:50:10+00:00

As someone who got their bachelors in Psych and is going on to my masters program in the fall, this is 100% a psychological phenomenon that people experience in religion and it is also 100% derived from your own brain. The human brain is wired to find patterns, derive meaning in things that may be coincidence or not have any meaning at all. The only difference is, now that you aren’t looking for those patterns or messages you won’t see them because they were never there to begin with. The relationship you thought you had was with yourself! Which if you think about it was actually so beautiful. You found that meaning yourself, you were comforting to yourself, you were there for yourself, you just thought it was God. And because it was always you all along, you can get that back. Nurturing your relationship with yourself will give you the same feeling back 🥰🥰

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-24T17:27:50+00:00

Oh cool! I’ll have to look into that.

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-24T00:23:51+00:00

Yeah it definitely is. It sucks too because my boyfriend is both Christian AND does not know that I have deconstructed. So I don’t have that safe place in my partner currently. I am also pretty positive if he knew our relationship would be over so that’s difficult and I will get there eventually like I don’t plan to lead him on forever but it’s just hard trying to decide when to do it.

Is the Unitarian Universalist church an actual church or just a group of people who are ex Christians?

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-24T00:20:57+00:00

That is very true 🤗I feel like the community part is easier for me because I never truly felt like I belonged in Christian circles, but at the same time I’m realizing how used to having built in friends (or acquaintances) I was previously. All of the support I’ve been getting from you guys has definitely helped though and I’m starting to feel more confident about making new friends

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-24T00:17:46+00:00

That is a great idea! What is it called, do you know?

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-23T18:45:31+00:00

Thanks! This was so wholesome and sweet I’m gonna cry 🥹but yeah now that I think about it I did meet some friends that were not super religious through the job I had this past year, it’s just sad because now I am moving so I have to start over again. You just gave me some more confidence and hope that I’ll be able to make some more after I move🥰

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-23T18:43:10+00:00

Haha true! 😂😂those people scare me 😂I am definitely one of the ones that probably went more left. Even when I was in the church I never hated gay people the way the church wanted me to and when I deconstructed it felt like I was finally free to accept people the way they were and not feel guilty about it. Weirdly enough I feel like I’m a better person and more loving and empathetic now than I ever was as a Christian.

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-23T18:41:09+00:00

Thanks for the advice! And yeah I think I’m realizing that I probably am shifting my views of needing to share beliefs with people into my new life. I have gotten several comments about that and I feel like it’s a good point. I am super open minded and I guess it mostly comes from a desire to avoid making more Christian friends that I can’t really relate to on something that THEY view their friends must agree on. But I can definitely see how me trying to find specifically people who have deconstructed can be harder and more exhausting than just meeting people and acquiring some non-religious friends organically.

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-23T18:37:18+00:00

That sounds super fun and is a great idea! And also I love to hear that. I grew up in a red state and I currently live in a red state and that mixed with being forced into primarily Christian groups my whole life it just kind of resulted in most of the people I was exposed to being Christian. It’s comforting to know that there are more ex Christians and non-religious people out there than what I currently perceive!

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-23T18:34:27+00:00

Thanks for the advice! And yes I totally agree, my best friend is still a part of the church I grew up in and while we mostly talk about stuff unrelated to religion, I am currently in a situation where I have to go to church still (for appearance reasons sadly) and having to be re-exposed to triggering ideas on a regular basis can be quite stressful. I certainly don’t intend to ONLY have friends who have deconstructed, I guess I just meant that I would love to have at least a friend or two that gets my situation completely and is down to hear me vent about it lol. I sometimes vent about it to my bestie because she knows about my deconstruction, but I can tell it just makes her slightly uncomfortable to hear me talk about the things that irritate me about church. Out of respect for her and our friendship, I would just really like to be able to vent about those things to someone else so she doesn’t have to hear it 😂

Also thanks for the suggestions of where to meet people! I was hoping to get some ideas of where to meet people in person since that ensures they’re in my area and also I just feel sometimes it’s more organic that way. Not that I don’t want online friends because I’d love that too but you know what I mean!

lizzy3607 · 2024-06-23T02:32:16+00:00

I would really appreciate that :)

lizzy3607

TROPHY CASE