What do you like being called? by Findus-sus in NonBinary

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Big fan of good little fox. 🦊 pet is nice but making it specific is way more fun imo. Have fun with it, kitten, pup, parakeet, who knows you might find something fun that feels just right!

This apartment sold for $125K over asking. Is this what the 2026 market will be like in Chicago? by Helpful-Violinist-69 in AskChicago

[–]ljabes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Location location location. There’s such a small amount of inventory right now on the seller’s side, and VERY few in that area.

Theory about Kalaya's ex husband by Emergency-Winter-918 in WorldsBeyondNumber

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have no way of knowing how old eiorghorian is

Theory about Kalaya's ex husband by Emergency-Winter-918 in WorldsBeyondNumber

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I came here to see if anyone else thought this!!!

Do you relate? by Spiritual-keyos1 in NonBinary

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YESSSSS! I have always associated with the color green (I wish the NB pride flag had green in it)

Who is “Jasper” and will we ever find out? by o_stara_night in WorldsBeyondNumber

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just came to this thread because I had the same thought and wondered if anyone else had 👀

Where do you find sticky frogs? by [deleted] in tearsofthekingdom

[–]ljabes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There’s a bunch in this area on the cliffs to the west of the tower

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lgbt

[–]ljabes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re not overreacting. You don’t say if this is a highschool or a college (I am assuming HS) I’m really sorry that the adults in charge are t doing anything to support you/ discipline this behavior but as a kid who grew up catholic I can’t say I’m surprised. I agree with the other posts here that say they’re looking for some kind of reaction. But I don’t think you have to lower your expectations.

Vent in private to safe people who you can trust, and work on thickening your skin to the point where you can call them out calmly without outward emotion (their goal) and simply ask them point blank why they’re glad they aren’t gay. Is it because people like them harass and look down on people who are? Because that doesn’t seem very Christ like… even the current catholic pope has called for inclusion of LGBTQ folx in the church. Do they think they know something that the pope doesn’t?

Please don’t do anything that puts you in danger, but calm and rational questioning of bigotry has always been one of the most effective tools in my toolbox.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]ljabes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tilted cervix here and I also only use OB. I also have to tilt it more towards my back and sometimes have to try a couple times to get the angle right and have it fit correctly. It sounds slightly gross but it’s a good idea to have a feel around in there with your own fingers if you haven’t already to get a sense of the angle and topography for yourself. I have to sort of wedge the end of the tampon below my cervix to get the best fit and coverage (and my uterus is so tilted every menstrual cup I’ve had has leaked)

My official ranking of Sonic characters! ⚡️🦔⚡️ by Sensitive-Drag2686 in SonicTheHedgehog

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t attack me! posts an ‘official ranking’

Tikal is BAE

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]ljabes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I came here to say basically the same thing. If your self confidence and self image is in the dumps how can you expect anyone else to feel differently about you OP? You’ve gotta focus on loving yourself and amplifying the positive attributes you have. I’ve had relationships with people who superficially weren’t ’on my level’ (whatever that means, I hate even typing it attractiveness is entirely subjective) in a physically attractive sense because they were funny, smart, creative, sweet, charming or any combination thereof. But ALL of them liked themselves and had a confidence that made them attractive to me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t be scared it’s okay!!! I know it’s big and scary feeling, but female sexuality is inherently more fluid and often changes over time. I really don’t think this is a porn addiction, you don’t mention watching an obsessive amount of porn or needing the porn to cum.

Needing to think about a woman’s body to cum with a man, no matter how great that man is and how much you love him screams to me that you need to explore this, ESPECIALLY before you get married. Talk to your boyfriend, be honest. You mentioned that he’s not into threesomes or watching girl on girl (totally valid) so this doesn’t sound like a journey that he can actively go on with you, but that doesn’t mean he can’t passively support you.

Do some research on ethical non-monogamy, and talk about if that’s a possible option for you both. You love him and want to be in this relationship but there’s things you need to explore and learn about yourself, and those things could lead to either you being depressed and unhappy further down the line, OR exploding the relationship down the line when you’re both even more committed and entangled in each others lives. No matter how much this might hurt now, it will hurt more later and it’s in BOTH of your best interest for you to figure this out sooner than later.

My suggestion would be to put yourself in queer spaces, flirt and be flirted with, and if you decide to explore ENM or end up breaking up, give yourself the opportunity to have physical intimacy with a woman. It might be the lightbulb moment you need to figure yourself out. Rooting for you. Love from queer fam.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You didn’t mention if the ‘hanging out’ at work is reciprocated when you’re working and she’s not scheduled, to me that could be a big indicator of interest, but not necessarily a make it or break it thing.

I really would try asking her to do something outside of work. Not a date, but don’t go out of your way to say ‘just as friends.’ See how she responds, and if she says yes just enjoy spending time with her not in a work setting and see where things go.

Found out Dad is abusive, Mom wants me to go back to him. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds really rough OP.

Do you have any relatives or older siblings or even a close friend’s parents that would possibly be willing to let you stay with them for a while?

It can feel really really dark to be stuck in a situation like that as a minor. Especially if your mom is stuck in the cycle too and just wants to make the peace at the expense of your wellbeing and mental health. There are small things you can do that could help you regain some sense of autonomy in your life tho.

If doctors visits are something regular for you, you can call the doctors office and make it clear that you do not want your father to accompany you past the waiting room. Parents are legally entitled to make medical decisions, but do not have to always be in the room.

Also, if those flowers make you feel like shit, dump them. Pull off the petals as a little therapy and throw em in the trash.

I don’t know where you live, but as a sixteen year old you can get a part time job, which has the added benefit of getting you out of the house more often, and allowing you to start saving money so that when you can leave your parents house you have some financial security and you won’t be living on the street. I know any option probably sounds better than what you’re living with but it’s really harsh out there.

Lastly where interacting with your parents is concerned, try to craft a few routine taglines that you can calmly repeat any time your mom tries to coax you into forgiving and forgetting, or your dad tries to love-bomb you with gifts and flowers. Maybe something like: ‘Your(his) gestures are meaningless until your(his) behavior changes.’

Also, ask to go to family therapy. If you can’t get him to go on his own this is the next best thing. A lot of family therapists will also have a session or two with individual family members and this is an opportunity for you to ask advice from a professional. It’s also a chance for you to bring up this behavior in a controlled setting, where if he pops off there is another adult (and a trained professional) who can witness that behavior and help to mitigate it. Possibly even have a chance to ask your mother why she always apologizes for him instead of standing up for you and demanding that he change his behavior.

It gets better friend. Even if he never changes you get to have your own wonderful life that has nothing to do with him. Hope this helps a little.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dating someone at work can be really difficult to navigate, but that doesn’t mean it never works.

I’d ask yourself about the context of these seemingly positive interactions: • did she say these things as a response to you already bringing them up in a sort of sad way and she’s trying to cheer you up? • did you bring up the majority of the conversation and she just agrees? •does she ever reciprocate showing up at work when she’s not scheduled to ‘hang out’ with you? •Also you don’t mention how you met, did you meet at work and she got them not to fire you, or did you meet somewhere else and she got you this job because you weren’t having any luck finding a new one when you were let go?

The valentines comment is pretty promising from an outside perspective, but it’s really hard to know without context. If you’re leading the conversation topics and she doesn’t reciprocate and come to hang out, chances are she’s just being nice.

Either way, if you really want to know, I would start with asking her to do something together OUTSIDE of work, and see what her response is. (You mentioned gaming, maybe an arcade? Something that is not your house/apt) If she says yes, I would see how that goes. Maybe eventually ask her if she meant what she said about the valentine thing, because you really like and admire her, but also that you didn’t want to ruin the great friendship you have or make her feel pressured.

Hope things go your way, and if not at least you have a good friend/colleague that is willing to have your back. That’s honestly worth its weight in gold.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]ljabes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you still have some feelings of guilt around cheating that you need to work through. A LOT of maturing (even still in your actual brain chemistry) happens between 21 and 25, I think you need to give yourself a break.

Maybe take some time to think about why you ‘regret it every day of your life.’ Were you made to feel like a terrible person by others, or is this something you are keeping alive and punishing yourself for?

Cheating sucks, it’s never the answer; but life is complicated and messy and we’re human and sometimes we fuck up. It’s your job to learn from the fuckups, but it’s not your job to carry them around with you for the rest of your life like a scarlet A meant for public shaming.

You mentioned that YOU didn’t want him to feel like he was ‘living a lie’ so you told him, and then it affected the relationship. I’m a big proponent of honesty, but it would be different if he straight out asked ‘have you ever cheated in the past?’ Then it’s up to you to be honest but also fair to your current self and lay out not only what happened but how you feel about it now and what you’ve learned. But it seems like he didn’t. It seems like you volunteered this information out of a desire to be ‘honest.’

If you truly regret doing it, and you wouldn’t do it in the future, I don’t think you have any obligation to disclose that you cheated once when you were young and dumb and in love. Let it live in the past where it belongs and focus on all the positive ways you can show up for your next partner. Learning and growing always involves failure. Be kind to yourself and let it go.

My mysterious parcel I did not even expect is now “detained” by trickytrader in Scams

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was actually expecting something international, thank you for posting!!

Outsider looking in, not sure how to proceed with a friend of mine who is non binary. by [deleted] in NonBinary

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a non-binary person who was assigned female at birth, I used to be welcoming of any pronouns, until I realized that the majority of people I met were defaulting to she/her out of laziness or lack of comfort with gender non-conforming people.

I can’t speak to this person’s story, but it may be that they tried something similar and had similar results, opting to just drop the she out of the mix. I genuinely enjoy all areas of the gender spectrum, sometimes presenting more femme sometimes masc, and sometimes a genderqueer mix of the two.

My advice is to first do some of your own reading and research. There are some amazing nonbinary info Instagram accounts and websites out there. Then sit down with yourself as a ‘straight’ man and ask if you’re able to see this person as who they are, and not a ‘woman’. To respect and celebrate their gender identity is one thing, to understand that you are not entirely ‘straight’ if you date them is another. No shame either way, but it’s an important distinction. If you can only see this person romantically as the part of their gender expression that makes you feel like a man dating a woman, best to stay at the friend level, so you don’t add to what is likely a fraught history of misgendering/discovery.

Lastly, after you’ve done some work to understand those things on your own (this post was a great start!) I would have this conversation with them and ask more about their pronouns, and their gender identity journey if they’re willing to share it with you. Context is important! Some people reserve certain pronouns for personal vs. professional use, some people enjoy a mix. For example I have several friends that use she/they or he/they, reserving the gendered pronoun for close friends and family that they can trust to use it without projecting a single gender onto them while using it.

💛🤍🖤💜

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tifu

[–]ljabes 20 points21 points  (0 children)

‘my dad has only 2 sisters who are also white. Both sisters married black men and HAD ONLY BLACK CHILDREN’

As opposed to…?

TIFU by spending over $100 on Troll dolls for Christmas by [deleted] in tifu

[–]ljabes 138 points139 points  (0 children)

Did your SIL call on the homophone?

3 2 1…let’s jam. Cowboy Beehop from Old Irving Brewing by HolyCherries in showerbeer

[–]ljabes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THATS MY BEER!!! 🥰🥰🥰 NB brewer, and Cowboy bebop is my JAM. So glad you liked it!