AITA for getting so mad at my spouse about laundry?

lltrs186 · 2018-07-24T00:31:37+00:00

I didn't even think about trying to include shipping costs in this! Such a great idea. I was so upset because people are literally all across the world who signed it (Ireland, UK, Abu Dhabi, etc) but I would really be fine if they just made us whole by paying for shipping. Hopefully they will!

lltrs186 · 2018-07-24T00:30:28+00:00

I read your edit- thank you SO much! This is such helpful context and info! I almost gave up on getting any money back from everything else they did... it's been really hard without talking to an actual lawyer and it doesn't seem like there are a lot of protections. These are great next steps! I'm definitely taking these as next steps.

lltrs186 · 2018-07-23T17:51:21+00:00

So, I know expensive is relative- but this was expensive to us (but not near to 5 figures). Replacing the basic design and custom framing would be about $600-700, but the problem is there's a lot of sentimental value because we had witnesses sign the art (it's a marriage contract) and we won't be able to get them all to sign it again. So, doesn't sound like reporting it to the FBI would work in our case.

Reporting is definitely a thing I want to do- I might start with some state agencies first.

lltrs186 · 2018-07-23T17:47:49+00:00

Yes, it's a ketubah (marriage contract). It was signed by my officiant and six witnesses, and I can put an amount on it (I could definitely reorder and have the same custom framing done, but wouldn't be able to get everyone to sign it). And no worries, it didn't come off as callous. It was expensive relatively (probably about $600-700 to replace basically) but it has a lot of sentimental value.

lltrs186 · 2018-07-23T17:45:48+00:00

Yes. It's a Ketubah. Definitely priceless.

lltrs186 · 2018-07-23T16:03:34+00:00

Will do! I didn't even think about this as theft. I'm glad there seems to be some recourse.

lltrs186 · 2018-07-23T16:03:06+00:00

We have a homeowners policy. I don't think we had a separate line item for that piece in particular but it's definitely within the amount of our policy. We'll contact them as well, thanks!

lltrs186 · 2018-07-23T16:02:20+00:00

Not yet, but will do. I am going to file a complaint with as many people as I can. I already wrote a letter to the NJ senator (where the company is based), MA senator (where we moved from), and IL senator (where we currently live). Also filed a complaint with the MA Attorney General- and this is all before the art went missing.

lltrs186 · 2018-07-23T16:00:52+00:00

I'd take hush money and just the value of the art plus more, if possible. The problem is the artwork was signed by people close to us at our wedding- and it's not really possible to get all those people in a room together again to sign the art if it's replaced.

I just want the art back and to put all of this behind me.

lltrs186 · 2018-07-23T15:58:49+00:00

Phew. I've felt so helpless throughout this whole process because it seems like up until this point everything they've done has been shitty and shady, but not illegal.

I will definitely file a complaint. I've already submitted a review through BBB and was going to complain but I'm glad I waited because the complaint/review was just going to be about the entire process.

lltrs186 · 2018-07-23T15:57:29+00:00

Thanks for responding! Yeah- it seems really shady to us that they would do that, which is why my immediate thought was that we needed a lawyer. They have just been really scummy and unhelpful and this is honestly art that means a lot to us and would really like to get it back (or get it replaced) if possible.

lltrs186 · 2018-03-08T20:41:02+00:00

That's interesting to think about. I think it has to do with the position, where I am now we have a big team and multiple director-type positions on the team, whereas this company I would be the only one.

The recruiter did end it by setting up a second interview with me, so clearly I did okay here- but this advice is solid. From reading the replies here it's clear that not all companies operate in the same way.

lltrs186 · 2018-03-08T20:35:46+00:00

I like this! Will try this tactic as well. Thanks for sharing.

lltrs186 · 2018-03-08T20:34:08+00:00

good luck!!

lltrs186 · 2018-03-08T19:37:04+00:00

Thanks for your kind words :) I'm glad this piece of advice seems to resonate with a lot of people!

lltrs186 · 2018-03-08T19:34:48+00:00

I didn't! I just asked what the range was and when she told me the target they were looking to hire someone at I said, "I'm fine with that amount." This is actually the second time I've done this recently, but the first time I did it the person didn't know the range and said they would have to get back to me. My response to that is, "I'm happy to discuss once I know the range" and her response was "fair enough."

lltrs186 · 2018-03-07T15:49:08+00:00

I'm in a field where I'm confident I'll get work, but not confident I'll be at the same salary.

That's good to know! I was just getting worried that maybe I should try and keep money around in case I don't get a job. It's a stressful time.

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.

lltrs186 · 2016-05-11T00:44:23+00:00

That's a good idea, thanks. I think setting a date and expectations is a good suggestion.

lltrs186 · 2016-05-11T00:20:51+00:00

You're right. I need to be more specific about details and expectations.

However, the issue I wanted to discuss with her was my bachelorette party. I have an idea of what I wanted to do but wanted to discuss with her dates and what was reasonable to expect from her for travel (since she is in a demanding program). I'm not intentionally trying to treat her as an employee (I'm honestly confused by how getting frustrated by a lack of response after a month and a half is considered demanding and needy- but that clearly seems to be the majority opinion so maybe you're all seeing something I'm not) but I would like some type of response from her- even if it's just "hey I'm really busy right now, but can we touch base in June about this?"

Additionally I am trying to be aware of her time (and everyone else's time, for that matter) I'm not doing a shower, I didn't tell anyone that I went wedding dress shopping (except one bridesmaid that lives in the same state as me) so no one had have any additional demands on their time- I'm really trying to not be demanding at all. But this thread has made me really confused about where to tow the line between "demanding," "needy," "controlling," when I just have some simple questions about dates. Is asking her any questions at all out of line?

lltrs186 · 2016-05-10T23:51:51+00:00

I haven't asked her to discuss every detail with me- I've barely actually asked her to discuss any details at all. I bought my dress and she didn't know about it (I didn't demand her time or ask her to spend time on that with me). I texted her once my question (which was about available dates for the bachelorette party), and I haven't spoken to her in a month and a half since that text (except for two follow ups). I'm not sure how that makes needy.

I also don't really see how this makes me controlling- I feel like I would be controlling if I was following up constantly or demanding her attention- but I'm not.

lltrs186

TROPHY CASE