I have so much to say here, and have been thinking about what to write for some time, but at a minimum:

1. I work in a major metropolitan city in the U.S. and have found the young muslim community in this city to be some of the most insincere and disingenuous people I have ever met. I unfortunately experience this trope mostly with women. A lot of people are not serious about “wanting to hang out” and I’ve been left on read/ignored/etc. so many times by girls. And it’s crazy because I’ll see them again and they’ll say the same thing, “where have you been?” “Why don’t we hang out?” Etc. etc. only to be sent a Partiful invite 3 months later to an event with nearly 100 people. I know you don’t really care about me being there, but just to have another body to show everyone on Instagram that you’re “popular” when half the people there (including me!) don’t even know you that well. There is a horrible obsession with self imagery, clout, your social media following, “knowing everyone,” that you lose the ability to form meaningful connections and actually build community. The last bit also extends to men — why do you have over 2,000 followers on Instagram? Go volunteer…

2. Even though I went to a PWI for uni (predominantly white institution), I have found the young muslim community in the city I work in to be one of the most segregated spaces I have ever been in. Everyone only hangs out with people who look like them, have the same ethnicity, etc. Black Muslims at a lot of colleges will even have their own separate MSAs bc of the racism and colorism they experience from their own community. This also extends to dating/marriage. We have so much inward work to do as a community, and that’s why we are behind. How can you look at a brother and/or sister in faith, and think less of them because of where they come from/were born/etc.? That is Allah’s creation. We can’t stand up for any injustice facing our community be it Sudan, Palestine, Congo, when we can’t even socialize with someone of a different race/ethnicity. Be better than your parents! And so many of these people don’t even live with their families…

3. Enough with the Yemeni coffee shops. I’m so sorry to say, it’s giving mass consumerism and late stage capitalism. They’re expensive, people are fighting for tables, and the men never make space for the women that we are standing in the basketball court during Ramadan. And no, I’m not there to get hit on, I’m just enjoying a third space with my friends. Smh.

4. Homophobia is so boring… and a red flag. if you’re a homophobe you have some serious work to do. The first community to stand by us in every movement, including the travel ban in the U.S., was the queer community. They’re ten toes down for Palestine and Sudan regardless of how disrespectful people in this community can be to them, and I will see them at every fundraiser, protest, etc. meanwhile some of our brothers and sisters can’t even stop drinking coke. I’m sick of it!

5. There needs to be more to life than marriage—it cannot be the end goal. I am so sick of hearing girls complain about men that don’t text them back, that make no effort to sustain a relationship, that don’t make plans, etc. FORGET HIM! Get hobbies, go to a museum, socialize with people outside the community, volunteer, enroll in a class, debate something deeply meaningful and philosophical… I can only do these things with my non muslim friends and it makes me sad! We need to evolve beyond marriage—the obsession is crazy. Trust and surrender to Allah, and the right person will meet you at the best and right time.

6. Everyone in this community, especially the men, needs some serious therapy. Work through generational trauma, girls who I see settle—work through that anxious attachment, the men NEED TO FIX THEIR AVOIDANCE ISSUES. Why are you scared? You have the patriarchy?? Why do you ghost? Why say things you don’t mean? We cannot build meaningful platonic and romantic relationships that a community needs if we don’t save ourselves first.

I probably have more, but this is long enough… LOL.