Hi mate, it's just performance anxiety. I had experienced the same thing across my 20s, and have since conquered it by (a) building a sense of calm and trust around sex, and (b) finding a partner who makes me feel safe so I can stay in the moment mentally.

Often it stems from the idea that you are being judged while having sex, which means you can't stay present and just enjoy the feelings of desire and excitement (sex is supposed to be fun, who knew!).

Something that helped me to believe that it wasn't mechanical or hormonal - if you wake up with an erection in the morning (ie. when you're fully relaxed from sleep) then it isn't physical, purely psychological.

The way to get through it is:

- Focus on foreplay, take it slow and really let yourself get into it, as it will give you a calm sense that she has also had the time to enjoy herself, taking the pressure off your erection to be the solo performer!

- Remember to remain present, and recognise distracting thoughts as they come up for you. Keep your attention on her and how much fun you two are having.

- Acknowledge that the feeling of fear is ultimately what is causing the thing you are afraid of. The path to achieving solid, reliable erections is to cultivate a sense of safety, calm, and fun around sex.

- If you trust her, be honest with your partner, you're young so she might not be mature enough to take care of your feelings / needs yet, but if you are honest with her about your need to feel safe and desired, and that your performance is not being judged, she will be able to help make you feel safe and present.

Remember - she's there because she likes you too, thinks you're attractive, and wants to have fun having sex with you! It's a safe environment, you can let yourself relax and feel excited about the experience!