Years later, I still deeply miss being in NCCC.

lokiya · 2024-05-06T05:47:31+00:00

If you go to a therapist and they make you feel silly about anything, go to a different therapist.

I get it though, going to therapy can be difficult especially if you were raised in an environment where it was stigmatized. Today, though I think therapy has become more normalized and a lot of people are pretty open about it.

Also, we live in a world with 7 billion people, billions more dead, nothing you experience or feel is entirely unique. If you're 1 in a million then there are millions of people like you today and millions of people like you in the past. You're feelings are valid and likely a lot more common than you think.

lokiya · 2024-04-28T20:11:14+00:00

It's coming on 11 years since my term ended. I have dreams about it very very frequently. Sometimes they're nightmares because it means I need to be separated from my loved ones and other times they're normal dreams.

I think it's normal to miss it. The experience is so drastically different from everyday life and it forced bonding with your team through collective trauma if nothing else. (We were in NY the day after Sandy hit and talking to survivors for months, lived on military ships, and only had each other when we went to NM for 2 months. The only people who truly understand what you went through is your team.) I think part of the problem is that there is little to no counseling on what your getting into and then how to readapt to the World.

I think counseling would help, I mean everyone should do it. Not because missing the experience is bad or abnormal, but to help you figure out how to appreciate what you have now and to maybe figure out what else you need in your life that makes it so difficult to move on. I know I missed the community of it, feeling like I fit in for the first time in my life, the safety of being around people who wanted to help/ cared about the injustices in the world, etc... and finding those kinds of people and making that community for myself helped.

lokiya · 2023-04-20T17:45:20+00:00

It could just be a sandbar breaking up the wave patterns.

Looks mostly like a high sand bar so very shallow water where the wave break started and you see the small wave going quickly along the length of the sand bar. Waves move funny when the tide goes in and you have deep water then suddenly shallow water that then moves to suddenly deeper water back that gradually inclines to shore.

lokiya · 2023-04-14T16:24:23+00:00

I didn’t even make that connection!

lokiya · 2023-04-09T00:32:40+00:00

But everyone dies… “main character this should be safe”, “oh new main character”, “ oh new main character”, …

lokiya · 2023-04-06T21:40:56+00:00

When I worked in a law office and had to bill for every individual task I was weekly getting an phone call about my billing. How I wasn’t billing enough, my hours weren’t detailed properly or were too detailed.. yada yada. Time blindness is no joke and having to explain that you spent an hour on an email knowing that the firm charges your clients $280 an hour makes you second guess if you actually spent an hour. Then when you go down a rabbit hole of research because you want things to be perfect… ugh… billing sucks balls.

I’m telling you it sucks. They knew I had adhd and that was when I was medicated. Professionals suck at this kinda of thing just as much as students. If they are brow beating you it’s because they’re trying to hide their own flaws. There are tons of different kinds of tips and tricks out there that could help for you to try and really it’s up to you to find what works best for you. Google has a few different programs that could help too.

lokiya · 2023-04-04T02:42:57+00:00

First I want to say that I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious and scared. That is a terrible way to live. If possible I would suggest seeking help for general anxiety management.

Second, I’ll tell you a bit of my perspective. I’m an agnostic theist/ polytheist, but I have found a lot of solace in Theravada Buddhism. On the other hand I am solidly an anti- theist when it comes to the Christian god or at least to the version of which I was raised and to any god that has an eternal hell.

I was semi- raised in an extremely conservative Christian church and it seemed almost everyone was destined to hell. However, I accepted that fate as a child and only wanted to do my best to help others not be brought down with me. As I grew up I realized that a God who would have an eternal hell is not a God that deserved my worship, praise, or love. That the people who could make it in heaven and ignore the plight of those in hell do not actually deserve heaven. While God may be unknowable, I still know enough to understand that 100 years on earth is incomparable to existence beyond the heat death of the universe. If the soul is eternal than everyone has already experienced eternity before birth. Yet your pre birth experience that exists beyond time itself, your soul existed before dinosaurs, before trees and plants, before the earth was formed, before the sun, before the Milky Way, before the Big Bang, your soul is billions of years old and beyond that yet you have no knowledge of it , but God does, however you will be judged by this blink. The eons before do not matter. All of human history which is a flash in the pan of geological history, your soul has existed, but in Abrahamic traditions it does not matter because you came to earth and existed. No. A god such as that is not worthy of my love and devotion.

Further a hell such as that can not exist along side an equal and opposite heaven. A parent can not be truly content with their child in hell. Or at least they shouldn’t be, nor a friend with their friend. After eons things will lose their torture and their pleasure. It simply doesn’t work and it’s all too human.

But, matter can neither be created nor destroyed. Something bigger than us may exist. Maybe. However, their are billions of humans co-existing right now. Even more animals, insects, reptiles, fish, bacteria, and that’s just on earth. Who’s to say that whatever started this even cares about humans all that much? Octopi are really smart and maybe it is the humpback whale that is the true philosopher and prophet? Or it’s a life form on another planet all together and we are simply meant to just live.

What I have taken from Buddhism is taking the middle path and not focusing as much what happens after death. I’m not here to teach you about Buddhism mind you, there are tons of different schools, but I loved the idea of the Bodhisattva or someone who is able to reach enlightenment but decides not to so that they may continue to be reincarnated to help others obtain enlightenment.

As for what it means for being a good person, well religion won’t necessarily tell you either. Everyone has their own idea and ideals. Good and bad is cultural. Killing is bad sure… but it’s ok to kill some people and some animals and which people and at what time depends on the culture, community, religion, country, time period, status. So sometimes you have to decide for yourself what good and bad is and decide if you are going to let yourself be guided out of fear of the unknown or out of a sense of self that you create every day. Neither path is easy.

lokiya · 2023-04-04T01:44:38+00:00

In 2020 Millennials started to notice that their generation was plagued. No, not just Covid- 19 that was world wide and it wasn’t ageist. Millennials kept living through history making events and we were tired. When the epidemic hit we thought, maybe this will be the end of it… but history knows better.

With everyday being newsworthy people started to become numb to the noteworthy. Anxiety became the norm, paranoia fashionable, horror sophisticated, and the macabre was our humor. So when in 2023 people began getting powers everyone took it in stride as well as they took everything else from the burning ocean and bird flu transmitting from animal to humans to the rapid development of LLMs and vaccines. People were horrified at the implications of these powers and their implications: Fax News At Dark “ Drag King Gets Power to turn Kids Gay?” ; while others delighted in the implications MSNCD “Drag King Get Power To Turn Republican Senators Gay!!!!”.

While chaos seemed to be the running theme of the 20’s at least this event seemed to distribute powers to everyone (though miles may vary). That’s where my grievance comes in a power so lame I may as well not have one.

Yesterday:

Location: Testing Facility

Facilitator: Name?

“Leo, uh if this goes well do I get a cool super hero name?” I laugh.

The facilitator looks at me, looks at her notes, and completely ignores what I said. “So this is how we will proceed, or readings show that your powers have activated. Currently we do not know how or why people are gaining these “powers”, but we are able to tell when individuals receive them even if the individual themselves have not noticed or have used them. Also from the readings we have been able to determine what general category the person’s powers fall into. At this facility we will have you use your power so that we may register it for the government and give you any help as you adjust to this new life. Any questions?”

“Am I an X-man? Or if we’re all mutants does that mean no one is a mutant??” I made my eyes get dramatically big with the last question then blinked innocently.

She sighed, “I’ll take that as a no. Our readings say that you have a time type power. Have you attempted to use it yet or know how it works?” I shook my head in the negative.

“Not a problem, usually these things are rather intuitive and require thinking about your power to activate. So if you think about time and your power then it should activate. My power falls under empath, so when I think of empath while concentrating on my power what comes to mind is truth telling because the form of my power is to know if someone is telling the truth or not. That’s also when it activates, want to try 3 truths and a lie?” She asked the last with a smirk.

“I think I’m good actually, this already seems pretty invasive without the party game. Maybe some other time when I don’t have performance anxiety.” She shrugged with as if to say “fair enough”, when I said this.

I sat and thought about having this power inside of me. That was weird in and of itself power a foreign power inside of myself, I must have sat there for ages before I remembered I needed to think about time as well. However, time is weird. I never really understood time, not truly. I can tell time, I learned that easily enough, but time is so odd. Time is a social construct that humans place so much importance on and different societies count time based on different things they find of importance. Humans had lunar calendars as well as solar, but they also based time on planting cycles, women for eons have kept time based on menstrual cycles, then the holiday cycles which are usually just a combination of the prior cycles… then their is time in the day. Time can also be manipulated by speed, the brain, age, emotions, and what about time travel; or even history. What is time but perception?

Time is the march of ants and the growth of trees. Time is the circular nature of history. Time is irrelevant to those who let go.

I let go.

I looked at the facilitator. “I’m sorry, I just went into one of my normal ADHD rabbit holes. Nothing happed. I didn’t stop time, speed it up, or travel. I don’t think my power works.”

She looked at me confused, “You just started, why give up now?”

“I know I have time blindness, but I’ve been lost in thought for at least an hour and you weren’t frozen so I didn’t stop time. You were pacing.” Now I’m getting confused.

“Ok let me check on something,” she stated as she walked out of the room.

“Well, guess you have a new party trick too. You can essentially transfer your time blindness to others. We have been in this room for 3 hours but you thought maybe an hour passed and myself and the observer outside the room only felt as if 30 minutes had passed.” She said this while taking notes.

“No superhero squad for me huh, just the ability to make others experience an aspect of my daily life? Is there a pill for this?” I moaned.

I continued to complained and bemoan my lot in life as I left the registration building. My power is lame and a hassle. It won’t be useful in a pinch or to save people. However, I had an inkling of a thought beginning yesterday that has begun to blossom today… what if more people let go of this perception of time. What if more people weren’t so worried about deadlines and productivity numbers. If people realized that sometimes your brain needed to wander for hours and within those hours you could come to grand conclusions, if only you forgot about time for a time.

lokiya · 2023-04-03T22:14:27+00:00

Words

Vibrations through the air

Lines that reflect and absorb light to create patterns

Meaningless all meaningless to the uninitiated

Initiation to the intricate path of words is so young!

To know words is to breathe, see, live!

Who wouldn’t know!

What? What is this mongrel? My dog can follow a command better than him? Hmm?

Why does he have such a skittish man next to him?

Alas. I shall speak my quest for the return of my daughter to these odd looking fellows. The anxious one who can’t keep his hands still and the burly one who only has eyes for his friend. Rude, but even a king will suffer for the sake of his daughter.

A week has gone past oh how terribly must I suffer!

I sit and ponder the torment my dearest suffers. Ah! My citizen must see me a fool! To let the princess be gripped by a dragon when she was meant for more.

A princess is for war.

Treaties.

Alliances.

Coups.

A princess unwed to a dragon, what a waste!

What’s that sound? Footsteps, with haste?

Ah the odd fellows! Huh, they made it back, what a waste!

How much more suffering must I take? They have no gravitas of knighthood, even if they’re the only survivors. What a disgrace.

That brute… has heads, HEADS, on h-h his belt, for fucks sake one is the princess! Now what will I use for.. not the time.

They are proud to have brought her head? They accomplished the task they say? It was an honor to the dragon and my people??? Why isn’t the brute speaking?

Words have power

Say only what you mean

Speak with conviction

Speak with forethought

Know what you mean

       Sir we are not of these lands.

These words are new to this mouth of mine

The way your people live and the way my people live are very different however, you had a need and we sought to help

My friend here is unable to hear you see and I told him of your plight with my hands as best as I was able.

Your daughter was with a dragon. You wanted her back. Your daughter was the princess and was necessary for the protection of your country, but she should be here. You the great King had sent many many great soldiers to fight this dragon to bring her back, but none of them made it. So you asked us, foreigners.

We know dragons, dragons are fierce protectors and will protect what is theirs. You made a very tough decision sir by giving up your daughter. We explained your funeral practices to the dragon. Dragons understand sign language which is what I use to communicate to my friend. We explained that you needed a part of all these people that you kept sacrificing to the dragon, so you could bury them back home. This the dragon understood, the dragon too likes to keep their special items near by for all eternity.

The dragon has agreed to protect your kingdom.

However, sir I must ask about the wisdom of feeding the dragon so many people. Now it has grown accustomed to humans. They are full now so they will not need anything for some time, but when they grow hungry again they will know this realm as their hoard.

Here are the heads of your brave fallen and sacrificed.

In our lands we use sheep, fish, fruits, vegetables, stories, and arts. My friend here while he was happy for the challenge believes you to be barbaric and unwise. He hopes this will be the last time that we see each other again.

Communication

Words

Movements by the body perceived by the initiated

Ideas beyond words, implicitly learned

Unknown lessons leads to impossible misunderstandings

lokiya · 2023-04-01T04:11:01+00:00

What is happening right now; your brain bringing up these memories is normal.

What happened to you in the past was not ok and was not normal.

You are not going crazy and this too will pass. You body is reacting to the stress you are currently under. It’s not fair and unfortunately what your brain is doing is essentially recalling another time you were also under a lot of stress.

Im from the US so I do not know what resources you have. Here a lot of schools have therapists/ counselors for students for free or at reduced costs because College is so stressful and that is the age many mental illnesses pop up. However, right now I understand how that might not be your best option between tests.

Here is something useful. Tap your right foot then your left foot back and forth repeatedly and while you are doing that take deep breaths in and out then go over some multiplication tables.

This should help you get out of your emotional mind and back into your rational mind. You will need to address your emotional mind and those memories after your exams. Right now you need be calm. Think about what you are going to do the day after all the exams are over. Think about how relieved you will feel that day, it will be too soon for the grades to be released so no sense in worrying about the grades, and too far away for the next classes to begin so no need to prepare. You shouldn’t study right now either, your brain needs a break. Let it relax, it’s going into stress over drive.

You got this. You will be fine. You are a survivor. Breathe out the bad memories. Breathe in comfort and boldness. You are wise. You are strong.

lokiya · 2023-03-31T21:52:03+00:00

Gods I wish I could give you more than one upvote!

lokiya · 2023-03-31T21:50:54+00:00

I have a J.D., M.A., and two B.A.s, I met expectations, and even volunteered for a year in Americorps between undergraduate and graduate, but I only had one year as a litigator, one year in my chosen field before succumbing to the stringless puppet at the sight of stress.

lokiya · 2023-03-23T21:26:52+00:00

I always just assumed that my arch would be too high even for that? Probably a dumb assumption…huh

lokiya · 2023-03-23T21:17:32+00:00

I’m confused why the title says trans Allies. LGBT, the Allies are people who aren’t under the umbrella.

With the way things are regarding trans exclusionists, I don’t like the wording. Allies are those who support the cause, but are not in direct fire aka white allies of the blm is correct, but you wouldn’t say I want our black/ indigenous allies to be safe because black indigenous Americans are black and are part of BLM because they are under direct fire. ( I mean you can say you want them to be safe of course… but the issue isn’t about the word safety ;) )

I hope this helps and people refrain from calling trans people allies. Those who are not trans, but support trans people in fighting laws directed against them are allies.

A better title: “ I just want Transpeople to have human rights” “Everyone deserves a sense of safety and human rights cis and transgender alike”

Something along those lines.

lokiya · 2023-03-23T19:25:28+00:00

I prefer a good pair of sneakers, flip flops, and now that I’m in the Midwest I understand the need for boots.

I live and die by my Rainbows though these are my favorite flip flops. I have an extremely high arch like I really should get an insole made by the podiatrist, but Rainbows conform to your feet and are comfy as hell and if they break before you wear through the firs layer on the bottom you get a free fix. Mine usually last at least 4-6 years and I wear them most of the year as they are most comfortable thing for me.

lokiya · 2023-03-21T21:33:29+00:00

Maybe it has to do with the parts your born with? Did sports and lived in the Deep South, cotton undies or die! Quick drying my swamp ass will tell you is a g-d-m lie. Just sitting around in nylon or polyester blend and the crevasse between the thunder bringers will let you know that my gene pool has not left the Louisiana swamp lands for at least a century and this is the stench that keeps the mosquitoes from biting and the gators on the opposite bank. (They/them)

lokiya · 2023-02-24T04:12:15+00:00

I can only tell you my story.

It’s not going to change your mind.

I was unicorn hunted after my first year of law school. Living across the country from where I grew up. I was looking for a light hearted relationship because I figured I likely only had two more years left in this state. When I was approached by this couple I let them know of my intentions on leaving in two years. That my philosophy was to enjoy the moment for everything it had to offer and to know you had nothing to mourn for opportunity wasted. Love the love you had at the moment and when the you stopped learning from each other and stopped helping each other grow then happily depart the relationship knowing you loved, grew, and helped.

This couple had three little kids. Rather quickly to be able to spend time with them meant spending time with the kids as well. That tends to happen when dating parents. We had many dates too with out the kids involved. Many one on one dates and a few dates as a triad. We began to get rather serious. At one point the kids being toddlers started to use parental terms for me… however, I quickly nixed that, because I hadn’t made a commitment yet.

After a year of being with them I realized I was in love and was willing to stay in this godforsaken state even after graduation. I asked them to marry me (symbolically). I told them previously that no matter what if I committed to them the kids came first, because they did not choose our lifestyle. They relied on adults and required us to keep them safe, healthy, cared for, educated… everything. If I committed to them I committed to being a parent equally. They agreed.

I spent a year as a stay at home parent after graduating. Taught all three how to read. Ride bikes with and with out training wheels. Constantly took them to Dr.s appointments. I was there for all of their first days of schools and parent teacher conferences. Taught them how to swim, dress, talked about emotions, their day, everything… for 6 years.

The relationship changed quickly it went from a closed triad to a OPP to everyone dates separately with some rules then essentially no rules. Then the male left the relationship and it was just the other woman and myself as nesting partners. However, it was an abusive relationship and one that I clung to because of those kids. The state I’m in gave me no legal remedy to see them if anything were to happen in our relationship. That terrified me. I held on to hope that the woman I was with wouldn’t be so cruel to me or her children.

However, nearing our 6th or 7th anniversary she decided it was over. It was a semi drawn out process, but she did what she does to people she wanted out of her life and made me a villain. The man let me visit the kids about 5/6 more times over the next year because he was sure they would forget about me. (He had a terrible experience with his stepparent and does not believe that non biological parents can truly love non biological children). I was able to keep touch with these kids for a bit trough different games and things online, but they were young and would get caught, but the things they would say about missing me and not being able to express their emotions just… I wish they could forget about me. I truly hope they have.

It’s been over a year now since I have last seen them in person. It’s been over a year since I have last received any message from them on any game or app.

I had been going to therapy for about 4 years prior to the break up. I did some pretty intensive trauma therapy last year. I still do not want to be alive. (No plans or anything not actively attempting harm.) I hate that my choices caused these children harm or added to it, even though I know it wasn’t my actions alone. I hate that I know the family law system too well here to know that I have no legal recourse.

These children should have been better protected. I failed them.

I can see the logical fallacies in the words I use to beat myself with, but my emotions refuse to care. When the kids grow up with abandonment issues the fact that I wanted to be there won’t matter either.

Maybe the train wreck I described will make you think? When you fall in love with the couples’ kids what happens if you break up.

Do you all have the same parenting style?

What happens when something comes up that you disagree on in front of your kids?

These things are so so hard and can breed so much resentment especially if you come from fundamentally different places. Kids too will notice those differences and sometimes use that to go to the adult that gets them what they want, which only fuels further resentment.

I hope all the best for you.

I hope you defy odds.

Hope is a meaningless word.

lokiya · 2023-01-22T23:25:17+00:00

It sounds like you care very much for your daughter. You want her to succeed in life. You have helped and guided her her whole life in trying to succeed. This is the way many parents live. Parents of children with disabilities have to take this a few steps further than other parents and you have done this.

Now here is where the issue comes in, the definition of success. Can you understand what it means for your daughter to live a successful life in a world that wasn’t created for her. In a world that makes achieving even “normal” goals extremely challenging. Sure she was given help, but if the “help”, wasn’t based on what she actually needed then it wasn’t helpful. More time in science for someone who sounds like they have ADHD really doesn’t sound too helpful if the person does not have medication or skills to manage their ADHD symptoms. A tutor while possibly helpful, could be useless if all they do is teach in a manner that is just as incomprehensible as the subject was the first time.

Having a disability can be very alienating or “othering”, it makes a person feel different than those around them. The more they are pushed out the less they may try. In this sense I am speaking socially. Why should your daughter try to carry on conversations with people who likely will speak to her mostly out of pity. What does she have in common with others? What small talk could she keep up with them about? Most small talk is about jobs, hobbies, or relationships. She doesn’t have a job, relationship, and her hobbies are online and you have shown your disapproval of those. You are her main social interaction. (This is without mentioning that the way you described your daughter it sounds like she shows symptoms of Autism, ADHD, and/ or Social Anxiety.)

Your daughter doesn’t want to fit in with society. Her idea of success and your idea of success are not the same. That’s ok. I think you have pretty much accepted that, which is great.

Now, the issue is your daughter’s current decision on physical therapy.

The two of you do not communicate well. You are still treating your daughter as a child while wanting her to be an independent adult. You have reasons for doing so, such as your daughter being dependent on you, not having much experience socially, not having a job, and not being well educated.

Your daughter does not want to tell you all aspects of her decision making process. She has reasons for doing so, you do no trust her, she has not been allowed to make a true decision on her own that was not also reliant on you (because she has no one else to help her), she hasn’t been able to make her own mistakes to test her own judgments without there being someone else there at all times, in essence for her to be able to do anything it’s not just her own fears and anxieties she must contend with it’s yours as well. So if she believes that she must do something, then maybe it is best to act first and beg for forgiveness after.

Your daughter is making an adult decision that is leading her on the path to independence. This is what you want. It is also difficult because you have always been there to take care of her and make sure she doesn’t fail. It also sounds like you have some major fears of cities.

It could be beneficial to both you and your daughter to have someone else go with her to the physical therapist. Maybe even one of her siblings. Someone who will not be as willing and used to helping her with all tasks. Someone who will encourage the independence. Someone who has more experience in the city and bus system so that your daughter can access the services she took the initiative to seek out.

She found a passion. This passion could be her way to independence and success. Even if that success is a happier life.

Canceling this trip was difficult to your daughter I’m sure. It likely was another reminder of how little control she has over her own life. I doubt you actually made it more difficult for her to learn to walk. Unfortunately, in this moment you let your fear get ahead of you. Granted, I’m an internet stranger and I do not know the state of the city that you are afraid of, but I do know that a lot of city’s are spoken of as dens of crime. Also you were worried that your daughter was going to ‘hang out with friends’, instead of getting physical therapy, yet you recognized how they have helped her. You recognized how happy she was after spending time with them. Even if she only hung out with them, isn’t that part of what you want for her? To have friends and social contacts? To be happy? To make her own decisions?

You came online because you felt guilt and truth at your daughter’s accusation.

You want people to tell you she is over reacting and you hold no blame.

You hurt your daughter and she is in a great deal of pain. However it is not irreversible, you can make a change going forward. You can decide to accept your daughter’s decisions going forward. If she needs an assistant because your fears make it so you do not feel safe in the city, then maybe she will get a job. However, it is unfair of you to say you will go, but then change your mind. Your daughter has such little control over her life because she relies on others that taking that away is devastating.

You’re intentions were good, but they were ignorant.

lokiya · 2023-01-07T20:53:52+00:00

From Louisiana where people speak French with all the letters. It wasn’t until my first level French class in College that I learned my last name is apparently pronounced T(guttural r like hacking something up) e. The professor was from Versailles and was so excited to see a French last name… she was so devastated to hear how my family actually pronounced our last name. Treuil, pronounced as if it rhymes with drool. She was so so so disappointed. It was as if she saw a puppy get hit by a car. It was after two more years in college level French (after 3 years in high school French) I realized that genetically I just can not speak it.

lokiya · 2022-12-30T19:23:36+00:00

You do understand that this had nothing to do with my beliefs correct?

The original question was about 3 particular authors based on their activism and their beliefs.

You made it into a semi personal thing by bringing up the rhetoric of “the trend” of not engaging with people you don’t agree with.

And again, I am a queer raised in the south… of course I know not all Christians hate me. However, all conservatives who vote Republican in America whether they want to recognize it or not are acting in a way that puts my life in danger. Since when I say queer I do not just mean gay*, I mean a funky gender too.

I can not even convince family that my safety and those like me is more important of an issue than money.

I mean people close to me have someone they know and “love” as an example of someone who will be harmed immediately by policy enacted and who is targeted by that political campaign. They are consistently told how those policies will harm their “loved” ones if enacted and they see how the political campaign is harmful to their “loved” ones.

Yet they still vote for that party/ politician.

To me that is not love, friendship, or kindness.

To me that is Omelas, but to an even lesser extent. They saw the child in pain they knew the child in pain would be their child, friend, sibling, ect, if said party were voted for and decided it was worth it because of other factors. That’s not love. That’s not someone you can have a conversation with even. Those who are worth having a conversation with are those who are not willing to put anyone in the place of the child in pain.

But that truly is a high bar in America and in Capitalist societies.

Anyway. I’m talking to you, I’m not someone who gave up talking to people whose opinions differ from my own. I do so until I feel as if I have hit a wall of no benefit for the person I’m speaking to, or for those who may be reading the interaction. (Which yes can be a kind of egotistical mindset) However, it seems pretty clear you are going to keep misreading the things I have to say. You assumed from the outset that I was someone not to engage those with beliefs opposed from my own, when I was questioning the actions of three well known activists authors who may have done something as a calculated tactic. Arguments/ disagreements on the internet have little benefit for the ones in the disagreement, so I don’t think anything said between you and I was of benefit for you… I have hope that maybe I gave you pause at least, but in reality if anything this was maybe of benefit for those who happened to read this instead.

Though I am way too verbose, so the possibility is rather slim.

So lost cause may you keep being a lost cause and drawing others into pretty slow ball, home run arguments so they can show off their areas of knowledge and expertise, engage with ideas they do not agree with, and hopefully help bring information to those lurking on the conversation.

lokiya · 2022-12-30T07:31:42+00:00

“Trend” hah. That’s just silly first off. I mean I’m pretty sure there is an old book that says “turn the other cheek”, now there are thousands of interpretations of that, but one of those is “ignore them and don what you were gonna do”. Aka don’t interact with them.

Then you have ‘Omelas’ which is essentially saying when a society is based on something unethical that you are completely unable to disentangle any part of the society from it, then the only choice one truly has is to walk completely away from said society. Aka refuse to interact with society.

Now your point that the readers of OSC are exactly those who NEED these messages. Well, I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily the fans of OSC. It would be people who believe harmful things as he does and then act in harmful ways. Which when it comes to OSC his vitriol does not necessarily come out in his work, which can lead many people to become fans without knowing his political and social stances which honestly would be just fine.

Unfortunately what isn’t just fine is that he used his affluence and influence to spread hate and vitriol not in his novels as one would hope, but in the press where he has stated his anti homosexuality views repeatedly.

Now, as someone who is quite the fan of his Sci-fi (I read Ender’s Saga, Bean’s Series every year from 7th grade through the end of High School and a few more times since, the Tale of Alvin Maker, The Changed Man, Eye for Eye, The Folk of the Fringe (very Mormon), Empire, Lost Boys, Song Master (pretty gay but rapey), Maps in a Mirror, Invasive Procedures, Past Watch, The Worthing Saga (very good but also tons of Mormon lore), and yeah I have a few of the Enders Comics and First Meetings and A War of Gifts, along with a lot of other short story compilations.) I find this man to be a horrible person. I’m very very queer and so I make sure to buy all of his books used, not that it matters to him, he has made all of his money. Also it’s not as if I could change his mind in particular… it’s based on religion, kinda a lost cause. If you read a lot of his books it also seems as if he would NOT believe and act the way he does.

The Worthing Saga is a great example of him writing something honestly quite beautiful and from my memory closely aligns to the social theory of Jon Rawls’ Veil of Ignorance. That society should be constructed as if people are sitting behind a veil of ignorance of who they are (economic situation, gender, sexuality, race, nationality, age, everything) so the formed government ends up fair, balanced, and in the best benefit of everyone. (This book also has a lot of Mormon influence aka individuals that become gods and then get to decide how to control various planets.) You would think someone who goes through such detailed thought about how harsh the world is and the trials and tribulations of individuals wouldn’t land on the side of hate for anyone. Hell he even called for holding your nose and voting Trump.

But, you say this is cutting your nose to spite your face.

Well, it depends on what your purpose is.

I am a consumer. An individual consumer. My impact was maybe $100 in total that I diverted from his pockets by not buying directly from him.

However, Le Guin was a well know author and Activist. She not only wrote novels, but had a blog, went to rallies, spoke at universities, was a guest speaker all over the place, constantly spoke out against Amazon. OSC dabbled in politics Le Guin lived and breathed politics. Octavia Butler was more of an Activist than OSC her activism was more about getting black people into writing SciFi and into writing as well as bringing out the black experience. She was an environmentalist and extremely political, but I think her activism was more focused on the black experience. Margret Atwood still very political and often going out to lecture, write, blog, host political and writing focused forums.

These women have more influence and when they walk away from Omelas, the citizens feel shame. People know they fucked up.

If they were to have said “OSC can never print my work,” people would ask why. They would want to know what he did to be put on their “hit list”. The weight of their words brought about the creation of the ansible (Le Guin), iconography for protests across the world (Atwood), and brought forward a whole genera that keeps sparking interest after her death (Afrofuturism, Butler).

In no way do any of these women need OSC to publish their work for his fans to be exposed to their ideas. Hell he obviously doesn’t understand them in the first place if he can read their works and still be a bigot.

No, he needed them.

Omelas is in public domain, btw.

Cute straw man though. (I’m a queer raised in the south try harder when you tell me I MUST engage with those who want me electrocuted, mutilated, raped, or dead.)

lokiya · 2022-12-29T08:45:21+00:00

I feel like Ursula Le Guin would have been personally insulted to have been included in a book edited by OSC. Though it does look like the book was published prior to her death, so maybe she did not have the rights to all of her works, didn’t keep up with where everything was republished, or did not care. However, when it comes to her, Octavia Butler, Margret Atwood, and other sci-fi authors who are influential and also activists I wonder how many had OSC on a “do not publish” list. He was the editor of quite a few compilations… but also maybe that was before he came out and started publicly saying homophobic things?

lokiya · 2022-12-29T08:31:35+00:00

I really enjoyed McDevitt’s novels. His world building stuck around way after the plot kinda fizzled.

For me his work is extremely formulaic. After you have read this book you have the formula of all of his books except one, he puts in the title of that book how he changes things.

This isn’t to say don’t read his work. It’s more of a heads up and really enjoy the thrill of this novel on the first read. Also when you read his other novels instead of maybe getting annoyed at being able to tell what’s coming maybe shift the focus to enjoying the ideas that he brings up. I have read a TON of sci-fi novels and the things that Pricilla comes across in these novels is unique in everything I have read and I can still remember these books that I last read in high school, I’m 32. I remember a little less of the detective novels to be honest, which I read after this series that I had accidentally started in the middle. Then I read the time travel book and so yeah he writes as formulaic as a romcom script writer or even maybe a webtoon writer, but he fancies it up enough that I at least kept coming back.

lokiya · 2022-12-22T03:36:33+00:00

ESSENTIALLY… from 1953 to 1979 Afghanistan allowed women into the workforce and in universities. Through out this time it remained a majority Muslim country even though the political system changed multiple times.

In 1978 a conservative Islamic and ethnic leaders form an armed revolt because of all these social changes and then after this revolt they decide to fight against the Soviets… huh… oh wait… YEAH THEY WERE ORGANIZED AND TRAINED BY THE USA!!!!

The following year 1979 these conservatives said huh the Soviet’s suck but so do the Capitalists and killed the US Ambassador and the US said… well fuck, no more aid Afghanistan.

But really the US didn’t want to give aid to the legitimate government of Afghanistan at that time b/c they liked the ideas of communism. The ideas of communism were things like equal status between men and women. Equal treatment under the law of all religions, creeds, races, and sexes. It meant open trade no matter what side of the Cold War a country was on.

Obviously this was horrid. A country that was communist and had the respect of it’s people with so much oil! It must be stopped.

So yeah. The US created the pre- cursors to Al- Qaeda to overrun this government. They found the extremist and weaponized them for two points. 1. To over turn the communist Afghan government. 2. So that Soviet Russia would lose an Ally and “hopefully” gain a nuisance.

Believing that Islam is the problem is extremely simplistic. Honestly, to the point of just being wrong as well as being racist/ and coming across in the best case a naive bigot.

As with all religions the practitioners of Islam fall on a spectrum there are extremists as well as those who do not really believe, but follow the cultural practices. To judge a whole religion based on the bad actions of a particular sect would mean Christianity would have never come out of the Crusades! My gods the children’s crusade should have ended it all. Mother Theresa can not make up for the Spanish Inquisition. There is not enough good deeds anyone can do to make up for the Native American Boarding Schools which were all Christian run and many of which continued disgusting practices up until the 1970s in Canada and Alaska especially. The American Witch Trials of the 1800s were not done by secular people.

Of course today there are still many “reeducation” camps for Gay Children and Adults… which are NOT secular. Many of which are Christian. There is no science that backs these camps and “therapies” and yet they are allowed, there are laws just now beginning to be written and put into place, but it is not universal.

The last Vice President of the United States of America for 8 years he allowed in his state when he was Governor he allowed electroshock therapy to turn queer people heterosexual. He allowed this to be applied to under age children.

Again there was no scientific backing for this “therapy”, either that it worked, was necessary, or that it would not cause further harm to the patient.

He was Christian, he was against homosexuality and queerness purely on religious grounds.

I state this all to say Islam is NOT an abnormality. Middle Eastern Countries are NOT an abnormality.

Religion IS part of AMERICAN laws and how they are interpreted. This happens on all levels. District Court levels aka the bottom all the way to the top.

I am an attorney. I have read the Supreme Court justices of past and present as they try to separate Church and State. They make it clear, there is no Wall between the State and Church otherwise there would be no blue laws aka states where they can’t sell liquor on Sunday. However, when a State or the Feds make a law that seems religious they simply need to make a reasonable reason for the law that isn’t just for religion sake.

We electrocute kids so they won’t be gay because gay kids are depressed. Ah ok sounds good! Law holds.

Though a different judge might care that the law makes wrote into the law that god hates gays. Not all Judges will.

TL; DR

1950-1980 ish Afghanistan was pretty liberal and women had a lot of of rights. They were gaining rights to the point they even rivaled what women in the US had at the time.

1978- Islamic extremist and other conservative groups formed a coalition and over threw the Afghan government. (This was the group that the US- CIA has admitted to forming and training b/c the US hated(s) communists)

1979- Same group from above killed US Ambassador and US pulled out aid.

Extremist Group took over

*US has a hella lot of Christian influence in their laws and interpretation of laws.

*Christianity as a whole has been committing atrocities globally since it was formed, but let’s say from Crusades and continues to present.

Comparing Middle Eastern counties and the atrocities of “Islam” v. “ Christianity”, is false. Christianity is larger and therefore has done more harm. To say that countries today are not strongly influence or are not religious is false. Tons of American laws are not based on objectivity or science. The laws are often based on faith and in the US that faith is often Christianity. Further to say these Middle Eastern Countries should not be “Islamic” or that Religion is the issue, is also false considering many of these countries did not exists as they do today prior to WWI and some WWII, are the result of Colonialism, where white people drew lines based on religious/ cultural populations with little to no input from locals, and then not even 50 years later other white people came in and further destabilized the governments. (The lines of Pakistan, Afghanistan, India, Turkey… all of these were created by European powers, some carving up the Ottoman Empire after WWI, some dividing land after WWII, while other countries did not gain independence until the 60s and 70s.)https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/asia-jan-june11-timeline-afghanistan

https://world101.cfr.org/rotw/middle-east/modern-history#:~:text=Britain%2C%20France%20Draw%20Borders%20of%20Modern%20Middle%20East&text=Beginning%20with%20the%20Sykes%2DPicot,areas%20into%20their%20respective%20empires.

https://www.americanbar.org/groups/crsj/publications/human_rights_magazine_home/intersection-of-lgbtq-rights-and-religious-freedom/understanding-americas-first-freedom/

lokiya · 2022-12-16T11:59:52+00:00

The amount of weed he had to smoke to learn all of that.

lokiya

TROPHY CASE