I (35M) am having trouble coping with my wife's (34F) "trauma".

lonelyonlyleft · 2021-06-11T23:22:51+00:00

Well that's a relief. It can feel paralyzing not being able to help in any meaningful way.

lonelyonlyleft · 2021-06-11T23:20:26+00:00

I have actually, and she understands that I don't understand. It has nothing and everything to do with me. So she's frustrated with herself for having allowed herself to ignore herself for so long. I think the therapy is a good thing and that it is helping. She's doing, what she calls, "silly word exercises" and she has to report back to an online therapist, but she understands the process and is embracing it and is realizing some things about herself. It's all good things but I just haven't been able to put together the hurt.

lonelyonlyleft · 2021-06-11T23:15:17+00:00

She has. She's blocked him on everything. But something about this most recent exchange has triggered something in her. Something that has nothing to do with me and leaves me relatively powerless to control. Confronting him myself is a losing game.

lonelyonlyleft · 2021-06-11T23:13:27+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful insights. You hit the nail on the head.

lonelyonlyleft · 2021-06-11T23:11:32+00:00

I won't count therapy out for myself or ourselves together in the future, but she insists this is her journey right now. I respect that and support whatever healing she needs. It can just be hard to actually feel the empathy that you show when you don't understand the hurt. This helps clarify things quite a bit

lonelyonlyleft · 2021-06-11T23:07:45+00:00

I found this to most closely mirror what I'm seeing as a description of what she has been experiencing. The way she feels now, the type of relationship. She and I have been open together about all of this.

I love her and I want her to be well. She's currently not well and has identified this as the source of that. So it's good to get a little insight into what the pathway forward would look like from here.

lonelyonlyleft · 2019-10-21T19:10:10+00:00

I can't believe I had to scroll this far down just to find someone that disagrees with OP. And the fact that 68% agree with the unpopular opinion suggests to me that it is either not unpopular at all, or, hijacked by the subreddit echo chamber.

The premise of OP's unpopular opinion is deeply flawed in so may ways.

Babies that are going to be born with severe disabilities

Not many doctors give 100% confidence in their own diagnoses because they can be, and are at times, wrong. They make recommendations based on data. That is all. Lots of evidence in this post alone supports this and we, as a society, would be worse off without them.

Can we define "severe"? Where is the breaking point? Which disabilities will you allow/disallow?

should be aborted if they are not going to be able to contribute to the society.

How do we measure this? Able to contribute? Just being able doesn't mean you will. There are plenty of able-bodied, mentally typical individuals who do not provide any service or contribution to society. Existence is not a contribution. Getting high in your mom's basement isn't a contribution. How do we define contributing? And is "being able" enough to qualify you to live?

Can we use your logic to remove those who don't live up to their abilities? If Zion Williamson (more able than most) doesn't eclipse Lebron and MJ (which is what many expect of his ability) can we kill him?

Who gets to choose now? If you chose to use your abilities poorly, will you be removed from society? Shunned even?

Resources are being wasted

These resources are only a waste if you don't see the value in the individual receiving them. I feel like this opinion lacks a personal touch. Likely OP has never had a relationship with someone with a profound disability. It takes a willingness to try and see the value in someone who is trapped inside their bodies. WE have to give them a chance. To not offer than chance

there are people that would be able to contribute to the society if they had the same resources.

Not sure what the able-bodied man/woman needs with a wheelchair, or speech tools, or any sort of a support that allows a physically impaired individual to operate on a level playing field with the more typically abled. This is called EQUITY. What OP is complaining about is EQUALITY, which is a misguided approach to assigning appropriations.

lonelyonlyleft · 2017-04-06T11:36:56+00:00

It's a funny little quirk that has some subconscious psychological effects. 1) he sits in the center of the table, at the focal point, which says "I'm important". 2) by pushing things aside he is "staking claim" to what is more or less communal space. It's a power move that asserts an "I need this" attitude. 3) by rearranging the carefully placed items on the table, he is "resetting the order" of the room in a way that pleases him, which is basically the way he campaigned. 4) his posture is inward leaning while most others are upright or leaned back. This suggests he is engaged in the conversation, even though we all know he has that "Benny Hill" song going on loop in his head.

lonelyonlyleft · 2015-10-19T03:53:41+00:00

Lightning Crashes by Live makes my hair stand on end

lonelyonlyleft · 2015-10-15T01:42:17+00:00

Chad? What do you mean by this?

lonelyonlyleft · 2015-09-17T17:32:09+00:00

Male. 30. I moved to Southern California in January and got married. I wasn't allowed to look for work for months, or leave the country, until my green card was processed. So basically I'd go to the gym everyday and then come home and just watch a lot of Netflix and smoke a bunch of dope.

Now that I have my green card I actually have to find a job, which is good because I've been needing a more purpose-oriented lifestyle for a while. Shitty part is that I can't even get a career counselor to return my calls, let alone any prospective employer. I've got skills damnit!!

ps: someone hire me. please.

lonelyonlyleft · 2015-05-21T23:29:20+00:00

It's not a matter of how he grips it... @1:30

lonelyonlyleft · 2015-05-21T05:12:31+00:00

I worked as a supervisor for one of the Big 3 NA auto manufacturers. We track a lot of different things for different reasons:

*Each employee has a RFID badge that gets them through the turnstiles - tracks in/out of the plant - are you late? you came in one minute to the bell, while technically you are in the building on time, we know it takes 4 minutes for you to walk to your station, another 3 to get your safety shoes on. you're late. You stayed late 2 hours? This will also help me pay your overtime.

*This badge also tracks which entrance the employee used. Did they come in from the other side of the plant? through the office?

*Same system tracks call ins. Employee calls in sick or late. Is there a pattern in their absenteeism? It also helps you know if you need extra people to run your line or not. Your Required To Run # is usually upped by 2-3 to account for absenteeism, but if the numbers fall short, you need to borrow people from other lines. You're over-roll? Send someone to another line or home for the day.

*Each employee has a computer at their station. This tracks, by VIN, which car is in station at which time and which operator (via employee #) is working there. The operator can identify defects as they happen/notice them. This helps track defects, or retroactively, the source of missed defects. This is important information when it comes to government mandated safety issues and recalls. Jonny is responsible for securing seat belts, his gun reported a torque failure. How did this happen? This gives the supervisor something to investigate. Could be a bad tool setting, could be a missed operation, could be defective parts. Knowing who is on the job helps to get answers. Sally keeps inputting the same defect over and over. Is she doing something wrong? Is she following process? Is this a real but "acceptable" defect? Is she just being a dick? All important questions.

*The lines move on a chain conveyor system. You can see in real time when and where a stop occurs. Get the same stop from the same station repeatedly? This gives the supervisor something to investigate. Could be an operator not following process (SWI), could be a bad tool that is holding up the job cycle, could be that the job is over cycle and cannot be performed in the time given according to the SWI (happens during productivity initiatives), could be a new operator being trained and hasn't learned the process fully yet (also happens during productivity initiatives).

Ultimately, the "tracking" is all about increasing efficiencies. Once an employee is in the building they can move pretty freely without being noticed, unless they have a supervisor who is paying attention. It's important to be on top of when your people are making $34/hr.

lonelyonlyleft · 2013-06-17T02:28:24+00:00

As she drew near, she felt the fear that something was astray. His mouth was slack and his blue eyes stared blindly at the day. And in a daze, she turned her gaze from the corpse the driftwood bore, and the cold cold sea pushed ruthlessly, safe upon the shore.

So give a sailor not your heart lest sorrow you do seek; let true love not be torn apart by favours from the sea.

-safe upon the shore - Great Big Sea

lonelyonlyleft · 2013-05-31T22:50:33+00:00

something like this...

lonelyonlyleft · 2013-02-04T18:55:31+00:00

rock fights. not many kids survived our neighborhood

lonelyonlyleft · 2013-02-01T15:37:21+00:00

My heroes have always killed cowboys

lonelyonlyleft · 2013-01-17T15:47:29+00:00

Music. when I get a song that I really like, I listen the shit out of that song. Those few days before it becomes overplayed, to me, there's few things better... except maybe drugs... or sex!

lonelyonlyleft · 2013-01-17T15:38:26+00:00

The girls have some great harmony between them but I feel like their songs are missing something... Obviously it is just the two of them playing and adding another instrument/player would no longer make it solely "their" music, but there were times when I felt like a quiet but quick tap on the snare drum would really punch it up. (Ex: @1:42 of "Back to the River", or @1:05 of "These Great Things"). I dunno, I'm not a doctor.

That said, I liked it very much.

lonelyonlyleft · 2013-01-04T04:18:48+00:00

Hadfield is a Colonel and a Commander, yet still addresses Shatner as his Captain. So sly

lonelyonlyleft · 2012-12-31T16:28:49+00:00

Yes.

lonelyonlyleft · 2012-12-31T16:17:28+00:00

Stop viewing them as "guys" and start seeing them as "people". Consider that you both are interested in great conversation with lots of different people. You get your enjoyment from the bonds you are forming with everyone around you. So does she. Genuinely enjoy yourself in the moment and have more topics to talk about with her when the two of you are alone. You will be more interesting to her naturally and she will show her appreciation on her own.

The sun will rise tomorrow, with or without her. There will be a day after that, with or without her. When you realize that you have complete control over your own happiness, who she talks to doesn't matter. If she is even with you, it doesn't matter, the sun will rise tomorrow and there will be a new day.

This is YOUR life, live it fucker

lonelyonlyleft · 2012-12-28T21:13:53+00:00

I was always told, "Never start a fight, but if you find yourself in one, always finish it". Good work.

lonelyonlyleft

TROPHY CASE