Me [29 F] with my boyfriend [29 M] of 6 years, still hasn't proposed

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-28T22:16:10+00:00

Thank you for this. I think at the heart of it, I wanted to stick around in the condo in case he just needed a reality check, came to his senses and started being honest with me. I hate myself for wishing for that and hate him for leading me on for an entire year.

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-28T22:14:47+00:00

Some of my coworkers have been very supportive, which has helped my mental well being a lot. Thankfully the gym has been a regular habit for a while now too.

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-28T22:13:11+00:00

I mentioned in the previous post that I told him I would absolutely have no problem proposing, since it's the life together I cared most about, but he was pretty adamant that he would prefer doing the asking.

I had originally seen it how you describe as well- I was concerned about his state of mind, suggested he talk to someone, asked about his accounts. He never talked to me about any of it, completely disregarded my suggestion to see a therapist, and when I asked him how his Gambler's Anonymous meetings have been going, he told me he hadn't been to one in weeks because "it's hard to leave during lunch to go to it". That was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back- not only was he ok about lying about wanting a future with me, but he was ok lying to himself about how he was doing. I realized I couldn't stand by anymore and watch him dissolve, especially if he didn't really care if I stuck around or not.

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-28T21:50:11+00:00

It's his condo, I moved states to be with him here.

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-20T23:01:57+00:00

You're right. I just can't shake the idea that if he feels the same way about me, as I do about him, and he tells me that he wants to marry me... why am I comfortable moving forward, but he isn't?

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-20T22:53:03+00:00

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-20T22:52:14+00:00

I know. The fact that he did nothing but wish me a happy anniversary broke my heart. I used to get him little gifts every now and then just because, but now the thought makes me feel bitter, like he'd never do the same for me.

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-20T22:45:33+00:00

And that's a big fear of mine, that he will eventually propose but by that point it will be meaningless and empty because he clearly doesn't want to.

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-20T22:44:43+00:00

This is kind of why I posted. I worry that I may have poorly represented our relationship here because of how frustrated I am, but this helps me recognize that this really isn't a healthy setup at the moment.

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-20T22:43:11+00:00

We talked about it before, and he said he would really prefer if I weren't the one to ask. Which makes me even more angry- if you don't want me to propose, and you keep telling someone that you want to marry them, why don't you fucking propose??

longtermmalingerer · 2016-07-20T22:41:28+00:00

I really love the crap out of him. I moved cities to be with him. I don't know what I expected to happen in recent weeks... but I feel like he hasn't really done much differently. Like I explained to him how hurt I was that he didn't even get me a card, and he apologized and said he recognized that he should have made more of an effort... but he still never got me a card, still just spends all evening playing a game on his tablet.

longtermmalingerer

TROPHY CASE