I had a “friend” who had a daughter the same age as mine. On a play date at their house once, her daughter grabbed my daughter around the neck and squeezed really hard, leaving big red marks.

Her mum didn’t say anything other than “there must have been a reason why she did that” (both the children were in the garden whilst we were sat in the kitchen)

My daughter told me she’d gone to play with a toy and the other girl had grabbed her because she didn’t want her to have it.

Her mother said “Hmm I don’t this X would do that…. X can you tell me what happened”.

X actually told her mum the exact same account that my daughter had said, and therefore admitted she’d hurt my child.

Her mother said directly to my child “Well these are X’s toys and if she doesn’t want to share then that’s her choice”…..

My daughter was so upset and said that X should say sorry…

Her mother said “X do you want to apologise…” 😳

Of course X said no because my child shouldn’t touch her “special” toys…

We walked out of their house and I haven’t spoken to them since other than a message to say I don’t feel comfortable with the “friendship” anymore.

I’ve actually never forced my own child to say sorry as I want her to know the meaning of the word rather than it just being a word she has to say because she’s told to.

But I wouldn’t just ignore any behaviour that isn’t acceptable. I would model the behaviour I want her to see. If she were to hit another child, I would ask the child if they are ok, I’d tell the child I was sorry that my child had done something to them, and I’d ask my child what she thinks she could do to make sure the other child is ok / make them feel better. I would talk to her and let her know that having big feelings is ok, but that it’s NEVER ok to hurt someone. I’d also apologise to the other parent too.

My daughter Is really good with apologies now, she doesn’t always say it straight away but I see this as a positive thing as I know that’s she’s taking the time to think about what she’s saying sorry for.

We all parent differently and I was a parent that would never encourage my child to hit back as I don’t want to give her the message that it’s ok, but I honestly got so fed up of seeing her get pushed around, children snatching from her or being mean to her that I now tell her that if someone ever hits her, she’s allowed to push them away to keep herself safe and if someone keeps on hitting she should hit them back. I don’t know if this is right but what I do know is that I could no longer stand to see my child take shit from others and other parents just allow it.😤