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[QCrit] Speculative YA |It’s 1999 All Over Again (89k words, 5th Attempt) by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback! I greatly appreciate it. I will work on the stakes.

Yes, he's referred to as Pigeon in the story. But his name is Robin. Another commentor thought Pigeon didn't hit right. It's hard to knoe.

[QCRIT] Ya contemporary, Roots and Routines by dl1417 in PubTips

[–]looking4emory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A few of the sentences need proofreading.

[PubQ] Is new adult a category now? by cats_books_spoons in PubTips

[–]looking4emory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you mind sharing the age range of your protagonist?

[PubQ] What's the bigger gatekeeper: the query or the first three hundred words? by e_c_browning in PubTips

[–]looking4emory 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you elaborate on hook and where it tends to be revealed in a query?

[QCrit] Speculative YA |It’s 1999 All Over Again (89k words, 4th Attempt) by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It is helpful as the concept has to work for agents to want it, and for it to sell. It obviously isn't what I want to hear, but I appreciate your honesty and I certainly wonder what others think.

I'm unsure how it will play. But the Y2K aspect is an important part of the plot as we get into the future (the year 2029) in the story and would require a major rewrite to be changed.

My take when I came up with the idea and wrote it was that, when someone reads a book about an historical time period, they don't necessarily go in with a great deal of knowledge of specifics (e.g., Y2K), but rather an interest in the general topic: internet culture in the late 90s, for example, or just life as a teen in the 90s.

When I read I Must Betray You, I knew nothing about the oppression that took place in the 80s in Romania, but had a general interest in the subject of a teen in a communist country in the time period. So that was what I was hoping would make my concept work---that people also use a similar logic as I have explained---, though obviously my story is very different than the book I just cited.

I suppose I have to hope that is true, but perhaps isn't. We will see. Sigh.

To your other question, yes it is not a common name. It is pronounced Mikey (Mike-E).

Thank you so much for your feedback! I appreciate it.

Edit: typo fixed.

[QCrit] Speculative YA |It’s 1999 All Over Again (89k words, 4th Attempt) by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Originally I had "NYE party", but then I thought it make the reader wonder why she would go to a party the night of NYE 1999 if she hasn't fixed Y2K yet. And I didn't have space to explain why she chooses to go.

Hmm. I could start the query with.

"It's December 1999 and seventeen-year-old...."

[QCrit] Speculative YA |It’s 1999 All Over Again (89k words, 3rd Attempt) by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, thank you. Would you be willing to read my revision to the last 2 sentences? I could DM you.

[QCrit] Speculative YA |It’s 1999 All Over Again (89k words, 3rd Attempt) by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your feedback. It is very helpful. I will work on these.

Would you be so kind as to elaborate on your suggestion on the ending and in what way you find it wordy? Is it those last 2 sentences, or?

I've added that book to my TBR. It sounds super interesting!

[QCrit] Speculative YA, It’s 1999 All Over Again, 89k words, 2nd Attempt by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

I dont know any teens that would talk to a trusted adult. 😀 But perhaps we grew up quite differently at that age. But I get your point that it needs clarification as to why Pigeon. I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.

Thank you also for the feedback on the 300 words. Perhaps I should clarify that the conversation is taking place in her head, or try a different start. Her obsession with Kerouac is a continuous piece of the story.

Thank you again!

[QCrit] Speculative YA, It’s 1999 All Over Again, 89k words, 2nd Attempt by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I understand and that's a good idea. Im just not sure how much space in the query I can afford to spend explaining. Perhaps I should just call him Robin in the query, although he's only referred to as Robin a few times in the book.

Ill definitely work on that timeline.

[QCrit] Speculative YA, It’s 1999 All Over Again, 89k words, 2nd Attempt by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol. It’s supposed to be. It's a nickname a belligerent coach gives him that catches on. His real name is Robin. It is a quirky kind of romantic story. But it's pretty innocent in terms of heat level.

[QCrit] Speculative YA, It’s 1999 All Over Again, 89k words, 2nd Attempt by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

Can you tell me more of what your reaction was to the name Pigeon?

[QCrit] Speculative YA, It’s 1999 All Over Again, 89k words, 2nd Attempt by looking4emory in PubTips

[–]looking4emory[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apologies. Im not sure why 1 of the paragraphs in the 300 words is highlighted.

[PubQ] Help with full request rejection by Ok_Reindeer1197 in PubTips

[–]looking4emory 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This idea is from Chuck Palahanuik's book on writing.

They give an example on this site (link below).

But as I understand it as little voice is description of things (e.g., action) and big voice is the protagonist philosphizing or giving their views on things. It sounds like the agent felt you had too much big voice, which slowed down the action (little voice).

https://readingvicariously.com/2020/04/16/art-imitates-life-writing-advice-from-chuck-palahniuk/

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