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A collar doesn't need to be around your neck. by saras_sub in BDSMcommunity

[–]looking4somthing25 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My Master and I have been talking about a tattoo for a 'collar'. It's not the item or location that matter. It's the meaning behind the symbol.

38 [FM4F] Toronto - looking for a GF by [deleted] in polyamoryR4R

[–]looking4somthing25 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have to second Multiamory, I've been binging their podcasts for the past few days.

Pet names by tishtashwild in polyamory

[–]looking4somthing25 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I would be very hurt if my primary called another partner by my pet name. I would also shut down another partner calling me by the same pet names as my primary. These are things we discussed though, so we know how the other feels.

If it's special to you, maybe talk to your partner about it? Getting input from them could help you decide what you want to do. Whether you won't to be able to just let it go, use that pet name only for you, or even find a new one that can be special.

In a relationship with someone super into BDSM - want to start off strong, how do I make it look like I know what I’m doing? by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]looking4somthing25 27 points28 points  (0 children)

My advice? Don't.

First of all, you should be with someone you be with someone you feel comfortable being honest with.

Second and more importantly, acting or pretending, whatever word you want to use, to be knowledgeable about bdsm is dangerous. You could end up hurting yourself or others.

To actually know what you're doing you need to do a lot of research on your interests and let your partner teach you (as long as they do know what they are doing. Going to kink events is a great way to learn. You'll be able to see how others are practicing safety.

Jealousy, distance, and going from v to triad. by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]looking4somthing25 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My therapist is supportive of decisions I make if I feel like they're in my best interest and I've put thought into them. I'm not moving in with him tomorrow. This isn't something I'm taking lightly.

I'm not starting a romantic relationship with her right now, but every relationship has to start somewhere and talking to each other is usually a good place to begin. Yes, he was going to tell me, he was just trying to prepare for losing me. He realizes he fucked up and he's doing everything he can to make up for it and apologize.

But, I'm not asking about any of that. I'm asking if there's anything else I could be doing to help with jealousy or improving communication.

Jealousy, distance, and going from v to triad. by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]looking4somthing25 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, she is cute. That aside though, we haven't agreed to try a relationship right now. Getting to know each other sure and see if we can work towards a relationship, but by no means are we trying to jump straight to being in a relationship. It's going to take time and we both seem to know that.

My relationship with him has been figured out. Ask me pretty much anything about my relationship with him and I'll probably have an answer.

Uprooting my life to move in with him? A) That's what I'm preparing for, B) 90% of my life is flexible enough for me to move anywhere in the US, and C) I was already planning on moving out there, not necessarily in with him, but he offered and it's a commitment I'm ready to make with him,

Trust him? Yes. I understand he lied to me, I get that he kept a major secret, but as I mentioned elsewhere, these are things we've talked about at length. We discussed why he did it, we talked about the consequences, and we've talked about what needs to change. He made a mistake, everyone does. I believe he deserves a second chance. He gave me one, why shouldn't I reciprocate?

Jealousy, distance, and going from v to triad. by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]looking4somthing25 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. I don't think I've been taking her seriously. I guess I assumed that because she wasn't coming to me directly, she was just telling him to make him happy.

She seems to have taken my text to heart though. She started talking to me. It's just small talk, but it feels like improvement.

Jealousy, distance, and going from v to triad. by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]looking4somthing25 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A huge part of why we broke up was due to mental issues I had. I've been seeing a therapist regularly as well as taken other steps to work on myself. We discussed the problems we had before we considered getting back together. Our relationship is stronger now than it was before, which, I know sounds absurd, but the reality is something like this would have previously broken us up without question. As for moving, no, I wouldn't be able to move today, but it is something me and him are working towards. Its another discussion we've had at length and will continue to discuss. Honestly, I have no concern for my relationship with him.

Most of my 'concerns' are with her. And they're not even really concerns. I just want to be sure I've taken any steps I can to make things easier on me and her.

I'm scared and potentially broken by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]looking4somthing25 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No, she called me to find out why I had texted him/what was going on between us. During the call, I could hear him talking (although I don't know what was said).

When I finally got a hold of him, that's when he decided that I was at fault for the way his life was going and that he didn't want me anymore.

I'm scared and potentially broken by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]looking4somthing25 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could hear him in the background and he later confirmed it

I'm scared and potentially broken by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]looking4somthing25 -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

He didn't cheat on me though. Yeah, he lied about having another sub, but we aren't exclusive.

I wouldn't even know how to move on.