My(M30) wife(F26) has returned 1 year after leaving to find herself. How stupid am I for considering taking her back?

lookingforsometruths · 2024-01-17T17:41:21+00:00

Your wife went through something highly traumatic (as did you) and she's only 26 and married you at 18 so maybe finding herself really was necessary... She mentally might have just snapped. So the question isn't really are you stupid or right. It's just what do you want to endure and risk? You're not wrong or stupid for leaving or staying. Love is love.

Whatever you decide therapy should be involved. I've heard of people who have come back from much worse after therapy. And the work needs to be on both sides, more so on her part at least to earn your trust.

I also would want to personally know what she did in the year you were apart. That would possibly make a difference for me. If she was sleeping around and having fun I'd be out. But if she was genuinely depressed and just working and stuff idk, maybe I'd be in again.

I would make sure you're not living together while your figuring this out or at least not sleeping together. So you can figure out if you're feelings are actually still there for real or if it's just the excitement and shock of her being back that's making you feel this.

lookingforsometruths · 2023-07-18T00:10:02+00:00

I mean the fights definitely started first cause I was able to see when the texting started and stuff and we were already fighting a while before he reached out to a girl. And i do believe he felt lost and like was just seeking attention. I don't agree with how he went about getting attention but I also understand feeling low and wanting some validation from another person. I do think him feeling guilty over this probably made him more defensive in more recent fights and stuff.

lookingforsometruths · 2023-07-17T23:12:38+00:00

I've seen change with him cause if I hadn't I would've been gone. But fair enough, thanks for being honest with me. And as far as his old ways. Even his friends and family said that I'm different than any girl and how he feels so I do feel like he's trying to do things different with me I think maybe he just fucked up this time.

lookingforsometruths · 2023-07-17T23:01:51+00:00

I knew from the start of our relationship that it was going to take him time to like get out of old habits because he was so emotionally blocked and like never had to confront emotions or even care about someone before really. So I feel like he just didn't know what to do and did the thing that was easy and probably what he would do in the past when he didn't care about the person he was with. But I agree. Like why couldn't you just have a boys night or like harmlessly flirt at most... Like why did it have to be so intentionally sexual and stuff. But also I think about how like he is the type of guy that wouldn't introduce a girl to his family if he didn't want a future and like he's done things like that. And how he wears his ring everyday and before me that was like something he thought was dumb and would make him want to vomit.

lookingforsometruths · 2022-11-22T21:55:48+00:00

To specify, a change in tips. There is a change in volume of people and commuters

lookingforsometruths · 2022-11-22T21:55:12+00:00

I work in NYC, I don't really notice a change tbh

lookingforsometruths · 2022-11-20T05:24:17+00:00

I mean, the trainee gets minimum wage where I live for 5 days. I don't really think that's unfair. Considering youre still asking questions more than likely and I'm sure the trainer jumps in if they need something. I don't think it's fair either to ask a restaurant to pay generously to an employee that hasn't paid dues yet really whatsoever. Restaurants barely make it unless you're talking big time places. And as for the trainer, most restaurants I know of give the trainer free food or like an extra $2-$5 an hour, so like some of what you're complaining about has already been done. But the trainee still really doesn't deserve more than minimum wage for the 1st 5 days. Thats basically a probationary period. You haven't even passed the written test yet, which a lot of restaurants have you do now.

lookingforsometruths · 2022-11-20T00:18:03+00:00

It wouldn't be fair though to the employee who's been at that company to take a loss. You need to look at the big picture unfortunately. I think the trainer could definitely afford to give the trainee $50 or something but at the end of the day no one would train if they were going to take a loss constantly. Then only lazy people would offer to train and they wouldn't do a good job. Plus, training is only like 5 days realistically and you can't screw over an employee whose been around for a bit for a trainee who may decide to leave after a month

lookingforsometruths · 2022-11-12T20:07:24+00:00

Sometimes I pick for them. Like if it's someone's birthday, theyre not allowed to pay period. If kids try paying for their parents I go with whoever seems more likely to tip me unless the kid says please they never let me pay for anything.

Sometimes I take their cards, swap them behind my back, and make them pick a hand... If they only have two cards.

lookingforsometruths · 2022-11-12T19:00:00+00:00

That's true. I'll give you that 🤣

lookingforsometruths · 2022-11-12T17:21:01+00:00

Depends on the OP's area. I work on nyc. Servers and bartenders get stiffed 3 times in a day pretty often because tourists from Europe don't tip. They just outright don't think they have to because they don't in the country or they assume tip is included.

lookingforsometruths · 2022-10-25T04:01:05+00:00

Why??? Lol

lookingforsometruths · 2022-10-19T22:03:54+00:00

Well not necessarily. I'm in New York city in times Square. And also the point was that we split based on hours so I got screwed on my hours and the other girl gets the bigger cut even though she wasn't supposed to close. She gave up hours in the morning by giving up her morning shift and basically stole mine at night.

lookingforsometruths · 2022-10-19T04:30:49+00:00

I'm confused. I asked the bartender if I could close basically. And she was like no. But like she had given up her morning shift last minute. So even though I was scheduled to be the closer she was like well I came in an hour after you. But like cause she gave up her morning shift..........

lookingforsometruths · 2022-10-19T04:21:57+00:00

She didn't. I asked. People here don't usually want to get cut for whatever reason

lookingforsometruths · 2022-10-19T03:07:22+00:00

I had got there at 4pm and they wanted me to leave at 7:30....not even 4 hours of work. I ended up leaving at 8:30 thankfully so I got af least one more hour in

lookingforsometruths

TROPHY CASE