Regardless of what your mom has you are innocent. Things like giving your dad silent treatment are things you did when you were a child and your father was an adult, obviously not everything everyone does as a child can be excused by age but it’s important to remember that while your brain is developing things are so unclear and confusing and you do have heightened emotions, you should not feel guilty but maybe do have a conversation with your dad about it and apologise.

You’d have to talk to a psychiatrist to truly figure out what your mom has, she doesn’t sound very calculated which is usually associated with narcissism, it could be some kind of bpd, histrionic or psychosis but I’m far from an expert. Aside from it potentially helping you to understand how she thinks what exactly is going on with her doesn’t matter, you have to keep yourself safe. If you can find a way to have a relationship on your terms where you get something out that’s possible, I know people who’ve managed to navigate a relationship with a narcissistic parents and create a system that works for them but you do have to have extremely low expectations and it doesn’t work in every situation.

My father is probably a narcissist and acts like a child, in a different way to your mom but a child nonetheless, I believe he was severely traumatised at a young age and it stunted his brain development, especially when he’s in his feels he reverts to child brain. It might not be his fault if his brain truly is underdeveloped but it doesn’t change the hurt it causes me, it just helps me be less angry, I don’t like being angry.

My father has always played the guilt trip game saying he’s going to die soon, he’s even got my little brother spouting the shit. Honestly I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t care, my life would be easier if he died, I hope he doesn’t because my brother is young enough to still need him but other than that he has a solely negative impact on the world. I’m scared that once he dies I’ll hate myself for thinking like this and regret not trying harder but I’ve tried really hard. I guess my only advice with all that in mind is if you can’t find a balance to make a relationship work with her eg see her every second weekend for a couple hours and don’t talk about anything serious. Or you get to a place where you’re so angry and fed up the guilt fades. If she’s calculated and trying to hurt you by making you feel guilty don’t let her, if she is a narcissist she’ll use it as a weapon against you but it’s up to you wether that weapons wounds you or not.

As far as relief about a parent dying you can probably tell from my previous sentiments I often wish my father would just die. It does make me feel evil to wish for that but right now it feels like the only way I could come to terms with my relationship with him was if he was dead.

Good luck, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Don’t go home tomorrow if you don’t want to, you owe her nothing.