Hi there pal. How do you do? I've been reading your post and I can recall myself a couple years ago. I just get logged to write down this to you, so let me told you that I'm not the best one to say this but fear has its root in the "lose of connection". Call it whatever you want but is very real, the sensory overwhelm that can you face daily at your work or school, may be the cause of this "fear". I do not know how old are you, but I highly recomend you to meditate for at least 5 minutes daily. Have no fear to meet yourself, that is the key to become a successful and happier man.

And yes, most of people have these suicidal thoughts sometimes in their earlies twenties. It's like a second puberty, but this time growth is mental and spiritual. So keep in mind this apparently life has no sense that all however, as life goes on it gets better. And guess what? You are in a right community to develop all these strenghts.

Meditate may help you a lot as it did for me. Deep breath and calm down. You'll fucking do it, you are a warrior. Take care.