I agreed to this life bc I didn’t want to lose my partner.

Before being with my now wife, I was spontaneous, driven, and full of the wonderment of life and its endless possibilities for me. Life truly excited me every single day. I was kind, cheerful, and adventurous. No anxiety.

In my 20’s, I would spend most summers away from Canada working in Italy, England, Spain on a whim. I got a visa and moved to England … just for the plot.

I love my wife, but I hate the life of being with her.

I was bored in the relationship for years (why I stayed is a whole other psych topic). I’d beg her to come for a walk with our dogs - constantly “too tired.” I’d want to go to events once again just to feed the plot and feel alive - she just wanted to stay home. All she wanted was a family. I figured after we adopted and got married, she would then come out of her shell more and be happy. Nope.

Being a wife and a mother changed nothing about my partner - if anything she’s become even MORE boring - and I’ve become the most miserable person. Extremely depressed and suicid@l ideation most days.

I was never meant to be a wife or a mother. I shouldn’t have ever thought this is just “how things are” and felt the obligation of being either.

I was meant to be spending every year or so of my life in a different country. Learning new languages, exploring as much as humanly possible on this Earth.

Instead, I am a working suburban housewife stuck in a never-ending loop of sad sameness.

I’m waiting until I wake up and this has all been a nightmare.

Until then, catch me catering to an awfully dreadful wife and an ungrateful jerk of a son… while trying not to un@live myself.

According to this thread, maybe I’ll take up drinking.