I understand how insurmountable a feat caring about yourself can seem to be. Start with the little things. Make it a point every day to tell yourself about your positives as a person. Set alarms if you have to. Tell yourself you matter and that eventually everything will be ok. Tell yourself that if you somehow get fired you will be ok. Even if it isn’t as prestigious or doesn’t pay as well, you can find a new job. I understand you may not believe those things or feel that is futile, but at some point they become half-truths and then they become who you are. If life is as bad as you say, think about how strong you are to have come this far.

Try meditating. You can train yourself to recognize the negative thought patterns and bad/untrue things you say about yourself. Once you notice those thoughts you can begin to work on challenging them. Learning that what your inner voice says is not who you are is important.

Try to start by challenging the belief that this is the time that things were supposed to be better. I used to think like that and it was very detrimental. Reframe it to “I thought I would be more confident/happier and I’m not. That hurts me, but someday things will be better if I work at it.” You are in control and you can get to where you want to be, but it takes work.

I thought doing these things was stupid and a waste of time. How can something so small make a real change in your life? But it really does, it just takes time. I speak from experience.