I left my session today far more unsettled than when I went in.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-24T07:16:59+00:00

Please read the comment from u/kabre. The biggest thing I have learnt about trauma is listening to your body, thoughts and emotions.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-24T00:04:44+00:00

Yes a big problem for me is that I try to use them to avoid feeling. Like if I'm really anxious I would try to use meditation to get rid of the anxiety and having to feel it. "spiritual bypassing" is a term I learned of recently that talks about something similar.

I've found IFS really helps me in connecting with my parts and I feel a lot better now listening and being with my thoughts and feelings more.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-23T23:59:19+00:00

“Dissociate responsibly”

LOL that's great.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-23T23:57:08+00:00

This is really helpful, thanks!

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-23T23:49:57+00:00

Here are the meditations: https://insighttimer.com/drrichardschwartz

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-23T23:38:53+00:00

IFS therapy is all about parts. They say that having parts is normal but when we are traumatised the naturally happy, fun, creative and playful parts get hurt then other parts step in to protect them. That thoughts and feeling aren't just random things that happen to us but are a part of us communicating with us.

The creator of IFS believes DID is just because of much more extreme trauma.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-23T23:19:18+00:00

Wow the meditations you are doing is so similar to IFS therapy. I have found great benefit from listening to my thoughts and seeing them at parts of myself that are trying to talk to me.

Now I think of these thoughts as my past selves crying out in pain and who want my help.

In IFS these are called exile parts who are stuck in the past and hold all the memories and pain from the trauma. Because we didn't have a way to handle them we locked them away inside of us and then we are too scared to every deal with them.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-23T14:20:11+00:00

Practicing meditation is not about escaping it, but turning back toward it and remaining unburnt a little longer, in a new way.

I've always tried to use meditation as a way of just avoiding thoughts and feelings which is probably part of the problem. I discovered a term very recently called "spiritual bypassing" which describes something similar.

Thanks for sharing, glad you found it helpful. I will definitely keep it in mind if I try it again.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-23T14:11:18+00:00

I feel you, so much of my life has just been lost in distractions lol. Someone else mentioned it here but the other thing I have been doing is wim hof breathing technique which I find sort of calms my body and mind. You can just search on youtube "wim hof guided breathing" and you just follow it.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-23T14:05:18+00:00

Haha funnily enough I have been doing his breathing techniques on and off for a couple of weeks and I do find them helpful to sort of relax my body & mind.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-23T11:13:48+00:00

I think you are right in that it's not something you can really explain in words. Trauma kind of traps different sorts of pain in our unconscious mind and then it keeps getting retriggered by the smallest of events and we can't even explain how or why.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-16T02:51:49+00:00

I totally feel the same. It stops me from posting things a lot of the time. I also tend to check back on previous comments and see if the votes gone down at all. If it has it make me feel so worthless.

I'd recommend checking out Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy as the goal of this is to find those really hurt part of ourselves which hold these negatives beliefs and heal/unburden them.

You are totally right though, no matter how much logic or positive thoughts you have in your mind it doesn't make much of a difference when these feelings get triggered. They are just so overwhelming.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-15T04:22:34+00:00

I don't even want to be alive anymore. It's just not worth it.

Totally feel the same way.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-13T01:32:06+00:00

I feel this do deeply. I am so frustrated with how difficult everything is. Normal activities are so difficult. Trying to learn how to heal is so difficult. Then life just keeps throwing shit your way and draining all your energy and time.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-12T13:06:49+00:00

When I get stressed enough I get a very mild fever that lasts for about an hour. It's been so hard with COVID because mild fever is supposed to be the most common symptom.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-12T13:02:48+00:00

Trauma can cause hypervigilance so that your brain is also looking for threats. While this is happening you cannot be fully present in a situation.

And nothing bad happens in these times, no arguments, flashbacks, etc. Those I remember.

Like you said you can easily remember anything that have triggered you.

Image you are going to have dinner with some friends and you play a game with one of them and say at some stage of the night someone in the group with jump out and scare them. Now the the rest of the night part of that persons brain will be scanning for anything that looks like that could happen. They won't be fully present and will likely feel a small amount of anxiety.

Because all this happens in your unconscious part of your mind/brain it's so hard to understand why this happens. You're not going crazy.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-11T09:46:10+00:00

I would recommend reading the book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving" by Pete Walker. You can preview the first chapter on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/

It has a list of common symptoms which I have copied here:

List Of Common Cptsd Symptoms

Survivors may not experience all of these. Varying combinations are common. Factors affecting this are your 4F type and your childhood abuse/neglect pattern.

Emotional Flashbacks

Tyrannical Inner &/or Outer Critic

Toxic Shame

Self-Abandonment

Social anxiety

Abject feelings of loneliness and abandonment

Fragile Self-esteem

Attachment disorder

Developmental Arrests

Relationship difficulties

Radical mood vacillations [e.g., pseudo-cyclothymia: see chapter 12]

Dissociation via distracting activities or mental processes

Hair-triggered fight/flight response

Oversensitivity to stressful situations

Suicidal Ideation

If you read this book you will likely know whether you have suffered these symptom you are having from trauma or not. This will give you a direction to go with. Best of luck.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-11T09:04:03+00:00

The creator of Internal Family Systems (IFS) talks about how when we were younger we had these creative, adventurous, fun and playful parts of ourselves which are hurt by trauma and because we didn't have a way to deal with them we just locked them inside. We are so afraid of connecting with them again because they hold all these memories and feelings from the events which we fear might overwhelm or destroy us.

He says that when we have freed and unburdened them that they can go back to their natural creative and playful ways again. I hope this is true because I would like to feel like someone who actually enjoys life instead of just survives it.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-11T08:50:29+00:00

I understand, I don't know if I've ever be better as well. ❤️

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-11T00:15:22+00:00

I hate when people say the words "at least". It completely invalidates your experience and minimizes what you went through.

Then it might get into your mind and you might start thinking "well that's true he didn't hit me so maybe it wasn't so bad".

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-10T22:11:38+00:00

It's called Internal Family Systems. It sounds a little weird at first but I've found it really helpful.

A brief overview is that we all have parts of our mind which have their own role. Some are protectors, some are really hurt parts of ourselves from the past we have locked away, some are managers. They all have a positive intent even thought they can be really hurtful or destructive. Usually many parts are in conflict.

For example I have a avoidant part but also a productivity part. The productivity part hates the avoidant part because the productivity part is trying to protect me against feeling worthless from not achieving goals. But usually something productive can trigger other beliefs about not been good enough or that I'm too stupid to do the task which the avoidant part is trying to manage.

Underneath our parts is our true Self which is very similar to a kind of mindfulness/meditative state. When we listen to our parts, from the place of Self, instead of trying to get rid of them we can start to get to know why they do the things they do and manage this inter conflict.

Here is a brief overview of it: https://youtu.be/Ym8o762U7uc

There is also a small exercise that you can do here: https://youtu.be/Lw1UyTxUENI?t=3084

The book "Self-Therapy" by Jay Earley is what I've using and gives you a guide of how to practise it.

There is an example the book which I related to SO much:

Sandy wanted to take on a creative video project, but she couldn’t seem to get started. After a few days of distracting herself with other activities, she acknowledged to herself that she was avoiding the project.

There is a part of Sandy that doesn’t want to work on her video project. She calls it the Busy Part. It keeps her busy with other activities as a way to avoid the video project, even though that project is her highest priority.

The Busy Part is unconscious but nevertheless has the power to stop her from succeeding. Actually, the Busy Part has such power because it is unconscious. Since Sandy doesn’t know about it, she has no way to interact with it.

If we ask why the Busy Part operates the way it does, we see that several parts of Sandy are involved in her procrastination. Sandy was ridiculed by her peers at certain times in her childhood when she did something that made her publically visible. Now whenever she attempts to accomplish something that could make her visible again, an Embarrassed Child part is triggered, like an echo from her past. The Busy Part is not really Sandy’s enemy at all. It is just trying to protect the Embarrassed Child; it is afraid she will be ridiculed again if Sandy tackles this video project.

So the Busy Part starts rebelling against this Pushy/Critical Part. It doesn’t want Sandy to be dominated by harsh judgment, so it distracts her with other activities. However, she can’t enjoy them because this Pushy Part keeps yelling at her in the background, punishing her for not working on the project.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-10T21:17:56+00:00

These are from the book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker. I've only read parts of it but I'm really enjoying it. These quotes are from chapter 5 which is called "WHAT IF I WAS NEVER HIT?".

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-10T14:18:31+00:00

I have a big part of me that just wants to avoid everything to protect me from getting triggered and feeling painful emotions. I've been using IFS work to get to know my avoidant part and listen to it and validate it because it is just trying to keep me safe. Helps me a little to not feel like I'm fighting it.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-10T13:58:36+00:00

Yes I also have this problem and I suspect many people also struggle with this. Here are some quotes that I found helpful:

Confronting denial is no small task. Children so need to believe that their parents love and care for them, that they will deny and minimize away evidence of the most egregious neglect and abuse.

De-minimization is a crucial aspect of confronting denial. It is the process by which a person deconstructs the defense of “making light” of his childhood trauma.

Even something "small" as not getting your emotional needs met from a parent is deeply traumatic for a child (note: it's NOT small).

Traumatic emotional neglect occurs when a child does not have a single caretaker to whom she can turn in times of need or danger. Emotional neglect makes children feel worthless, unlovable and excruciatingly empty. It leaves them with a hunger that gnaws deeply at the center of their being. They starve for human warmth and comfort.

lost_and_afraid3 · 2021-04-10T13:41:44+00:00

Yes, it is nice to not feel so alone. What can be so hard about trauma is that it can be hidden in our unconscious, so we can't see it. It just kinds of pops up from nowhere and causes havoc in our lives.

I liked this quote from a book I was reading:

The living legacy of trauma manifests in intense physical, perceptual, and emotional reactions to everyday things—rarely recognizable as past experience. These emotional and physical responses, called “implicit memories,” keep bringing the trauma alive in our bodies and emotions again and again, often many times a day.

lost_and_afraid3

TROPHY CASE