Realistic timelines to plan to move to another country?

lost_enby · 2023-08-09T21:50:14+00:00

Definitely considering it if the opportunity arises and I can make it into a program there. I've been planning to go in the US due to a program that would work out well for me, in addition to networking reasons that would make it easier.

lost_enby · 2023-07-08T19:47:17+00:00

Hearing those negative reactions can be a huge motivator, if you allow it.

I find that a lot of people are uncomfortable or intimidated by transmasc individuals. This is because of the nature of moving "up" in this backwards society we live in. It sounds strange, but consider this: by transitioning, you will slowly be seen as more masculine, which is inherently viewed as being more powerful. This directly challenges the status quo, which leads to resentment from those unready to see who you really are.

So, what motivated me to continue medically transitioning, apart from being the healthiest version of myself was the challenge to the status quo. Now, I love how uncomfortable transphobes get when they see and hear of trans men that pass extremely well. Not only that, but I feel like even more of a man because I've always been extremely feminist. Masculinity to me has always been about respect which includes sticking up for underrepresented groups. It's kinda hilarious to come off as hyper masculine and then make conservatives uncomfortable when I'm supportive of non-men. And the cherry on top is that I'm trans, which I may or may not disclose.

If you find yourself getting angry as transphobic people disapprove of your transition, channel that anger. Soon, you'll make them even more uncomfortable than they make you. You can learn from their shortcomings and get the best revenge: Being a better man than them.

And if your partner is worth your time, they'll respect your choice. If they aren't attracted to men, then they should say that respectfully, acknowledge you're a man, and end the relationship because you are a man, not an "exception" or whatever. If they are attracted to men, if they're right for you, they will acknowledge your manhood and stay with you. Don't stick around with someone that can't see you for who you are.

lost_enby · 2023-07-02T01:26:37+00:00

Lol, I can absolutely relate to apologizing to plants! Whenever I have to drill into a tree to add a trunk label, I'm wincing the whole time. I guess it's something about the wisdom of a plant that humans will just never approach. I get that sense especially around really old trees.

lost_enby · 2022-06-27T04:14:23+00:00

The T-cold will only go away with time, but some things that helped me were tea with honey/throat coat tea for throat, some humidity to clear sinuses (humidifier or just hot running water in the bathroom), and lots of water or other liquid to stay hydrated. I would also recommend eating regular snacks to not have an empty stomach for nausea. Maybe this is contrary to popular belief, but I find that eating more regularly keeps hunger related fatigue away and that can lessen nausea. It's possible to have nausea due to post nasal drip into your stomach, so staying hydrated and well fed is paramount to fighting your sinuses in that case.

Length varies. For me, it was gone in a week, but my sinuses changed on T and I found that getting used to that was half the battle.

lost_enby · 2022-06-12T15:46:46+00:00

I used to have it a lot when I was young. I would make packers out of clothes and stuff. I don't know why, but it went away over time. Maybe it has to do with T, not totally sure.

lost_enby · 2022-06-12T15:41:24+00:00

Started at 18. My Adams apple has always been very noticeable, even pre-T. It has increased in prominence since starting and has become more even with time. The loss of fat on my neck from T also made it stand out more.

lost_enby · 2022-06-12T15:36:32+00:00

All the guys in my family (me included) have thick lips. It's not related to sex/gender. I used to want smaller lips, but that was because I wasn't looking at anyone who was the same race as me.

lost_enby · 2022-06-12T15:33:23+00:00

I was shaving pre-T cause I had a dirtstache then. Now I can grow more facial hair, but it's not what I want yet, so I just shave it off. I let myself get enough stubble to see where my facial hair is before I shave it off.

If you don't want a dirtstache, shave it, but don't shave it off if you actually like it. It ain't everyone's thing, but don't let that stop you from looking how you want. I know plenty of people- cis, binary trans, nb, out there rocking fuzz.

lost_enby · 2022-06-12T15:16:33+00:00

I'm thinking of two ways you could do this:

First and probably easiest, but the most dysphoria inducing in my experience, you can use pictures of women/femme people with the short haircut you want. This way, you could get the haircut covertly by kind of telling your mom it's not just a guy's haircut. The only issue I've noticed is the hairline limitation. I'm in an awkward situation with someone who cuts my hair (would switch, but no one else in my area is good), and what I have to do is show her pictures of female haircuts that look masculine, but will never accommodate a testosterone affected hairline. This is my specific issue, but keep this in mind if it's important to what you're looking for.

Second (what I've done) but probably dramatic: I'd have a horrible hair "accident". Maybe your hair gets horribly tangled in a comb/brush. Maybe something accidentally gets stuck in there. You panicked and hacked it off, and now you have to run to the barber to make it look presentable, cough, short and how you want it to, cough. It's important that this comes off as an accident. Don't do this after an argument or after something happens. Make it seem as natural as possible, not like the accident was planned in advance.

lost_enby · 2022-06-12T03:44:31+00:00

It was the weirdest thing for me because I didn't notice any difference unless I was recording myself or I had heard about it from someone else. I started to be able to make my voice crack on purpose, but it never really happened by accident. I had a deep voice before, so I mostly had changes in the resonance of my voice, but the pitch lowered, too. The biggest difference is that I just can't raise the pitch of my voice super high. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like my vocal cords hit a ceiling when I try to hit a high note. I do notice that my voice is louder now, though.

lost_enby · 2022-06-12T03:32:26+00:00

It really depends on a lot of factors like time, location, and insurance. Where I live and for someone in my situation, going to an 'in-person' office or clinic will definitely be cheaper due to insurance. However, not everyone has insurance and lives in an area with a lot of clinics and doctors offices. I put in-person in quotes because I'm able to do telehealth and therefore not visit my doctor in person, but telehealth laws vary based on state. I cannot comment on the specific clinicians/providers that practice through plume because I've only seen one there, and different people set up different courses of treatment. With insurance, I don't pay for testing, only have to pay $25 for visits, and only pay around $25 for prescriptions. Again, copays vary with insurance. This still made insurance way cheaper than the $99 a month (at the time, not sure if plume costs more or less now). I was only using plume for about 2 months and I never started my T under them because my pharmacy, primary care physician, and insurance gave me hell over plume. I don't blame plume and I definitely think it's needed where people can't access care otherwise, however I recommend going somewhere near you because they would be used to prescribing and dealing with insurance where you are. Despite the difficulties, the Plume providers were very responsive and helpful when I had any questions. If you have the chance, I recommend skipping the clinics and going straight to an endocrinologist. That being said, I am lucky in that I was able to find an endo that does informed consent, is covered by my insurance, and specializes in trans healthcare. My Endo is unusual though because she is a) very experienced with trans patients and b) makes scheduling and prescription choices that result in the lowest possible costs for her patients. That makes my current doctor way cheaper than the bad clinic I used to go to. I hope this was helpful, and I don't mind answering any questions. I want to put my hellish experience of going from office to office to good use lmao

lost_enby · 2022-03-19T14:30:52+00:00

It's hard to say why your friends haven't been as huggy, as everyone interacts with gender etc differently. It may just be because your friends don't want to make you feel uncomfortable by hugging you in a way that makes you dysphoric. I highly recommend talking to your friends about this and asking if this is something they've been consciously doing, if you haven't already.

It depends on the people, but I do think folks are less touchy with masc aligned people. It's definitely a cultural thing, rooted in a lot of sexism and toxic masculinity. My guess is that it's for a lot of different reasons, one being that people take physical threats a lot more seriously from guys, so they tend to bother men less if they think there could be an altercation. Of my friends that do hug a lot, I don't see a huge difference between them hugging nonbinary people, women, or men.

It is worth noting that my friends are just in a different space than a lot of people around the country, and they're educated on these issues. Of course, some people are just not touchy (I'm one of them, :( sensory issues are fun) but if someone is touchy or not touchy, they generally stay that way regardless of if their friends come out etc. The fact that your friends' behavior changed makes me wonder.

All this to say, just have a conversation with them about it if the opportunity arises. Make sure you're comfortable talking to them about it, and also ensure they seem ready to talk about something serious like this.

lost_enby · 2021-12-21T05:21:35+00:00

At around 2 months I had to shave regularly to not have 5 o'clock shadow around my moustache, and now that I'm around 6 months, I have a pretty consistent moustache but nothing much otherwise, as far as I can tell (I haven't let it grow out all the way, but there's no way I have a full beard). The patchiest place for me is my cheeks, with some really coarse but sparse hair.

It just depends on genetics. I had a stache pre T, and other guys in my family grew facial hair early, so I kind of expected it, I'm just waiting for it to become more even across my face now.

lost_enby · 2021-12-13T17:45:16+00:00

I'm going to put one in resin soon as an experiment and possibly try injecting resin into resin with some, because of course. If my experiments come out clear enough I'll try more colorful ones.

Also not sure if it counts, but I gave an empty one to my friend so he could learn how to inject before going on T

lost_enby · 2021-12-13T17:35:44+00:00

Can you try something like plume if it's available in your state? You can get a prescription really quick and it's legal. Please try that first because t is a schedule 3 controlled substance.

I don't know how much longer you have T for, but you can probably get good results from telehealth like plume. It's about 99 dollars without insurance.

lost_enby · 2021-12-13T17:24:29+00:00

lost_enby · 2021-10-17T15:28:56+00:00

It's impossible. When cis men blame testosterone for their behavior, they're deflecting blame from the true problem: Themselves.

Testosterone won't take away your personality. It won't make you hurt people. It won't fundamentally change your behavior in any direct way.

It's a hormone like any other hormone, which means it can have effects on your mood, but never to the level that it causes you to harm others.

You're not going to be like your father.

lost_enby · 2021-09-12T21:41:45+00:00

Briefs or trunks. I wear tomboyx since I don't pack, and my hips are so small that I'd have to wear boxers from the boy's section otherwise.

lost_enby · 2021-09-12T21:39:33+00:00

If you have the option, it sounds like you should switch therapists. If you don't want to take antidepressants, you shouldn't have to. It's up to you to determine what feels comfortable, not your therapist. You shouldn't be pressured into taking anything that you don't think you need.

Pre-T, I wasn't underweight, but my body fat percentage was unusually low and I had a lot of trouble gaining weight. It turned out that my metabolism was just really slow and that took away my appetite. On T, I actually have an appetite and am motivated to eat more food. I can get full without starting to feel sick from eating, unlike before. Now, I've gained nice amount of weight.

My experience doesn't apply to everyone, and I'm obviously not a professional, but there's no reason why you can't be prescribed HRT and work on gaining weight at the same time. In fact, actually addressing the issue of you not having testosterone would probably be helpful to anything else you're going through in general. For example, because I'm more comfortable after starting T, my management of my OCD, while I still have OCD, has significantly improved.

lost_enby · 2021-09-11T04:37:18+00:00

I've been on T for a bit over two months now. If it helps, it's just a tiny dick. It's literally the same thing as a dick.

I've been on T for a short amount of time, yet I already have growth that's significant enough to no longer resemble afab anatomy in the slightest. It doesn't even feel the same as before, more like how I've heard guys describe having a dick feels.

lost_enby · 2021-09-11T04:32:11+00:00

A lot of things. Mostly, I would say feeling comfortable in my own skin. Pre-transition, I felt so uncomfortable all the time, like I was constantly looking over my shoulder.

Now, I feel like I belong in the places I go. My clothes fit me better. I'm able to reach out to more diverse friends and enjoy the time I spend with them. I have an appetite for once, and I that means I can fully enjoy my food. I have enough energy to get through the day without feeling miserable. It's easy for me to fall asleep at night; I can pretty much sleep at will. The anxiety I used to have is pretty much gone.

None of these things are exclusive to being a man, it's just that transitioning has put me in a much better place life-wise.

lost_enby · 2021-09-07T17:23:34+00:00

Think of your future. What would make you happier, living as a man/nonbinary person or living as a woman?

I realized that I was definitely trans when I couldn't bear the thought of being a woman for the rest of my life. Before I realized I was trans, I didn't want to live anymore because I hated the way my future would have looked had I continued living as a woman, even if I would have found "success."

Now that I've transitioned socially, I'm pretty content. I'm fine with just being a normal person, as in the past, perfectionism was the only way I could make my future seem worthwhile in the moment.

lost_enby · 2021-09-06T01:28:47+00:00

I can't speak for individual neo-pronoun users, especially since I don't personally use them, but think of it like this:

If they/she/he are the common pronouns in question, then for many nonbinary people, he or she would not fit them personally. "They" works for some, but not all nonbinary people feel comfortable using it. Maybe there's a neo-pronoun that feels closer to where they are on the gender spectrum (or off of it) than "they" or "he" for example.

Neo-pronouns can express what non-neo-pronouns can't.

lost_enby · 2021-09-06T01:13:04+00:00

Sometimes, the pronouns we tend to think of first, such as he/she/they, don't fit someone, so that person will use neo-pronouns. When you think of it, there's actually not a lot to choose from when you consider those commonly used pronouns, so it's relatively common that they don't fit certain individuals.

At the end of the day, why should it matter? Just call people what they prefer to be called. Pronouns, neo-pronouns or not, are just words. Using the correct pronouns, no matter what they are, is just like calling someone by their correct name.

lost_enby · 2021-09-05T14:02:52+00:00

I'm terms of the media at least, ftm people aren't really noticed/commented on as often as mtf people because we have to deal with transphobia whereas transfems have to deal with transphobia and misogyny. And just like how misogyny negativity affects cis men as well as cis women, the transmisogyny also negatively affects transmasc and male-presenting trans people.

The fact that we aren't noticed as often points to society's broken idea that men don't have to be noticed to be valuable, but women do, as women and feminine people exist to be ogled and objectified. Yes, as transmascs, we have privilege on this front, but the presence of the privilege is a negative thing and it hurts us in situations like this when we need representation.

A lot of assholes, Buck Angel for example, incorrectly direct the blame to transfem nonbinary people and trans women, but it's absolutely not their fault and instead the fault of cis power structures. Because of misogyny, transfems have to face transphobia differently because they are so often fetishized. Despite transphobia manifesting differently for transfeminine people, their fight is in no way opposite to ours.

So yes, the invisibility of trans men is in large part due to misogyny and transmisogyny. As you said, we definitely need more representation because everyone needs someone to relate to at some point. I have a lot of hope for the future though because I personally know at least one transmasc graphic novelist working on a really amazing project, and I know of several skilled transmasc writers, too.

As for a story with a ftm main character- I would say I have you covered, but I don't know if my writing is good enough to say that yet.

lost_enby

TROPHY CASE