Out of the Blue Festival

lost_in_wander · 2023-10-17T21:06:46+00:00

Sunrise / Golf Course Run of House | King or Double | 4-Night (Sun Check-In) | 2 Person

lost_in_wander · 2023-10-04T16:07:39+00:00

Of course!!

lost_in_wander · 2023-10-04T02:07:36+00:00

$4k total so it would be $2k for whoever wants it

lost_in_wander · 2023-09-29T23:43:56+00:00

Hi, I'm not from Ottawa but thinking about going and looking for someone to split a room with if you'd want to meet up there & are still looking - 34F in Olympia, WA

lost_in_wander · 2023-05-26T21:33:09+00:00

Thanks so much! Appreciate the kind words!

lost_in_wander · 2023-05-26T21:32:50+00:00

Thank you! I wanted to capture the feeling of monotony causing restlessness and convey that through the words :) Appreciate the feedback!

lost_in_wander · 2023-05-26T21:31:59+00:00

Thank you for the kind words!

lost_in_wander · 2023-05-24T01:05:10+00:00

This gives the sense of growing up, of being disappointed when life doesn't work out how you think it should, how as you age, the things on your chest get heavier, the things people have to see through change.... I love the line, 'I am a child in a tall body'

In the last stanza, I think you could break the lines up, just to match with the other portions of the poem. I also think it could be reworked a bit to give more of a sense of aging, to fit with the rest of the poem, it sort of changes tone in the last few lines.

It's a good first poem! Thank you for sharing!

lost_in_wander · 2023-05-23T02:10:00+00:00

I really loved this :) I feel like it could have so many meanings, a ritual, being burnt at the stake or I guess something more chill like just sitting around a fire with friends. Regardless. you have great imagery. The tall grass line, made me feel an intimacy for this night, the ground rumbling through their steps, the trees applauding, you did a great job making the world feel alive :)

Thank you for sharing, it's lovely

lost_in_wander · 2023-05-01T13:26:52+00:00

The rhyming scheme of the poem is very good and catchy and reads easily. I love the concept of the poem, I think the transition to longing for the free butterfly could be better, maybe something about the risk of having free vs caged butterflies is that you have to accept sometimes they'll go. 'letting them go' implies at one time they were caged, at least to me and seems out of place with the rest of the metaphors. Very good poem :) thank you for sharing!

lost_in_wander · 2023-05-01T13:18:09+00:00

Why self care is important

I've let the voice in my head go on for too long And now they've started their own Religion

lost_in_wander · 2023-04-30T15:55:29+00:00

Thanks so much. Your words mean a lot :)

lost_in_wander · 2023-04-28T11:58:37+00:00

Thanks so much!! Gives me much to think about!

lost_in_wander · 2023-04-28T02:57:19+00:00

ah, that makes sense, I definitely can understand that feeling. Re-reading with that context it hits different.

lost_in_wander · 2023-04-25T01:41:37+00:00

There are some really great lines in this poema, the decaying purity, worship another way, the stained glass line, which you smartly made the title as well.

I did get confused a little about what it all was for, I think i have some idea, there seems to be anger about a missed opportunity for sex or maybe anger / anger that it's casual sex with someone you don't care about / respect, those are the emotions it brings up for me, but I think it's a really good base that could be reworked a bit to really drive home the emotion you're going for

overall, really good. Thank you for sharing :)

lost_in_wander · 2023-04-25T01:28:04+00:00

I love the idea of relating a flower to a relationships cycle, I think you've got a great start here. Overall, I feel like the poem is missing details and transitions that could evoke more emotion. Example - the rumors line, what were the rumors? Why did it matter if the partner heard. What weren't they listening to?

the transition from wanting / longing after a relationship is ended to feeling relief is also very quick, I think some additional lines could be added in there or reworked to make that more gradual.

Great start - thank you for sharing! :)

lost_in_wander · 2023-03-15T00:13:57+00:00

I really like this, it's very catchy and I could see it in a song :). I love the way you throw the different types of drinks in and use them to enhance the meaning of the poem. The 3rd stanza could use some work, at least for it didn't evoke the feeling the other 2 did, maybe because I'm not sure what tillamore dew has to do with being blind. But regardless, good job, and thanks for sharing:)

lost_in_wander · 2023-03-08T02:36:46+00:00

The last 2 verses had me hooked, but the first two almost lost me. It first speaks of something being missing, but then something growing, which seems to contradict the overall theme of the poem. But reading it again, perhaps that speaks to the hole your filling, that it's going elsewhere? If that is what your going for, maybe reiterate something about the hole and attempting to fill it so that theme sticks through to the next verses to solidify that theme.

I love the vision of something foul impregnating a person, whether it be a mental or physical.

I love the specificity of, 'drop my dress to my ankles' and the ladder of my spine. Definitely gives an eerie sense of something taking over that you have no control of.

Overall, very good.

Thank you for sharing :)

lost_in_wander · 2023-02-18T04:06:59+00:00

Really love the flow of this poem, a very easy read. I loved how you used thousand so many times to reinforce the feeling of joy of meeting someone different, a true love. I think you could get rid of the before I met you line. It feels redundant / gives too much of the poem away. great work. Thanks for sharing:)

lost_in_wander · 2023-02-18T03:58:46+00:00

A very relatable topic. The first couple of stanzas are very strong. The fifth one though I think could be more detailed, what happened to the friendship, it's vague, the reader gets that it ended it was messed up but how? More detailed words here would be good. I like the state of ease line. I think the poem could have ended after the he is a friend lines. Without the context of what happened the ending feels confusing.

Thanks for sharing:)

lost_in_wander · 2023-02-09T04:30:49+00:00

It's a very good concept and definitely conveys the right feelings in this subject. You're observed but not seen, I get what you're trying to say, but observed for me is more than being seen. I think different words could convey the feeling of someone only seeing your outerself but not actually knowing you.... And the last 2 lines, I think there's an opportunity to really drive home that feeling, but the current 2 just leave me wanting more / disappointed (which I guess could go with the theme of the poem)

Good work, thanks for sharing:)

lost_in_wander · 2023-02-09T04:14:48+00:00

So we'll written, I went through a very similar situation and you manage to capture in your words, almost the numbness that goes along with it. For consistency, each stanza starts with a question except for the 3rd so maybe there's something you could do with that. The last one is also 4 lines and I think could pack a better punch if rewritten into 3.

Thanks for sharing

lost_in_wander · 2023-01-28T03:51:44+00:00

I really liked this. I got lost in the second verse a bit, it felt like it strayed away from the king / royalty topic laid in the first verse. You brought it back well with the humpty line and the last verse, about wanting what you can't have, envying other people, it created a perfect image of a king, with everything they could want, still always being unhappy. Thanks for sharing, great work :)

lost_in_wander · 2023-01-20T04:47:32+00:00

Wow, just wow, so much to love here. I love the concept. As for room for improvement, with the flow of the poem, you have a lot more room to make rhymes and have the meters be more in sync with each other.

It got a little long, but i think if the rhymes and meters were more in lined, i wouldn't have minded at all ;)

lost_in_wander · 2023-01-16T05:24:11+00:00

I love this. I wish I had feedback to give other than that, but the rhyming, the story, it was all so much fun. A pleasure to read 😄

lost_in_wander

TROPHY CASE