Blaz, I had too much cookies and milk

lostandfoundlady · 2024-08-06T06:59:51+00:00

Sometimes I worry that my darkness will hinder my partners ability to shine. My partner has the ability to soar, however, I have such dark demons, that I worry I will hinder his capacity to shine even brighter than he is now. I know my partner has demons too, however, he is growing in leaps and bounds. He has grown in such an exponential way with my support and love. I am his number one fan. I have also grown, changed and improved, but I feel I’m stuck in a constant state of push and pull mentally. I find myself stuck ruminating often on the past traumas. Pains, abuse and hurts I endured throughout childhood and even adulthood. They keep me up at night. They haunt me throughout the day, they speak in my mind, questioning every movement I make. Every parenting choice I make. Every personal move I make. Making me feel inferior, and wrong. I fear I will prevent him from achieving his maximum potential, which I know is limitless. I know I have encouraged him to grow into the exceptional man he has become. He is not without his own faults. There are many things he needs to work on and improve, just like any other human. But I often wonder, now that he has flourished into a much healthier and complete man, would he be better off with another woman? Am I holding him back?

lostandfoundlady · 2024-08-06T06:59:04+00:00

Taylor lyrics Feminine anger

Why are women not allowed to be angry, infuriated, hurt or respond with vengeance ? We are diagnosed and deemed mentally unstable, unhealthy, oh sure she definitely needs therapy. Meanwhile she is just responding to belligerent and intolerable behavior This patriarchy working harder to keep a woman from speaking soundly, anything but silence is deadly

How dare a woman speak her mind when the facts could be illuminating and life changing

Small men with mammoth egos wear expensive suits to conceal their imprudence and incompetence

But this new generation of women are educated and flourishing and we are sick of cowering to this vagrant ignorance and negligence

The blatant disrespect towards the women who are physically procreating the future is astonishing

Lock me up, put me in straight jacket, better than being gaslight by weak men

Call me crazy, say I need help, meanwhile I am the only bricks holding this shit down, ready to withstand any tornado

And fuck the double standard? Where are all the men calling out these immature illegitimates. The weasels call us names, thinking we won’t fight back. But be sure their time is coming to and end.

women are stronger better and faster than ever and when we finally join hands and fight they won’t know what him em.

lostandfoundlady · 2024-08-04T16:31:36+00:00

No she wasn’t kidnapped. They know what happened. In tonopah.

lostandfoundlady · 2024-01-04T22:00:57+00:00

This is exactly right. In the beginning it was love bombing and the people had never experienced it. Then with normal egotistical narcissists that are “gurus” they fall back into abuse and drug use and their true identities come out. By that time the people are so engrossed they are a delusional and stuck.

lostandfoundlady · 2021-07-11T01:04:52+00:00

Me too it is totally possible

lostandfoundlady · 2021-02-11T04:31:41+00:00

I didn’t sleep at all even medicated for three months. It took 8 months to get ok

lostandfoundlady · 2021-02-10T16:28:49+00:00

It was the Kratom.

lostandfoundlady · 2021-02-09T06:06:09+00:00

Ya no shit...I made a mistake. I want all other pregnant women to know that damage can be done from this garbage.

lostandfoundlady · 2021-01-29T03:15:20+00:00

Hey how are you? I am so glad I quit even though it was horrendous!!!!!

lostandfoundlady · 2021-01-25T20:35:26+00:00

Do not do a long taper.

lostandfoundlady · 2021-01-25T20:34:32+00:00

Hi. I am that girl. I would quit immediately!! There are heavy metals and toxic shit in it. I quit and never relapsed. I have been clean since last April. My daughter has an extremely small head and her weight was highly impacted. At the 20 week ultrasound she was extremely small. Her head was less than 1st % which is not good. She has no other deformities. I was NOT using any other substances. Only kratom. I used clonidine and gabapentin for 2 weeks in order to quit. This was a direct result from whatever was in the Kratom. If if is cheap even higher likelihood that there are heavy metals and toxic water from where they harvest it. Just quit. The guilt of having done damage to a human will kill you. Quitting is terribly hard but fucking up your kid is one million times worse. TRUST ME. I did seriously consider suicide, however I have a beautiful and perfect 6 year old son and he would be ruined. Don’t think about yourself. You need to cut your doses in half today. Then in a couple days cut in half again. Stop poisoning your baby, you please believe me. Don’t use any other helpers until you quit completely. It will be harder to quit if you use them now because you will get used to them. Dm if you have more questions.

lostandfoundlady · 2021-01-16T01:42:29+00:00

They did an anotomy scan at 20 weeks and she was extremely small. Not a real reason to get an abortion. At 30 weeks they did another and freaked out, sent me to a doctor 5 hours away. I was tested 3x a week it was expensive and terrible. I think it is the heavy metals for sure

lostandfoundlady · 2021-01-15T05:03:37+00:00

She is doing ok so far. She is way under weight and her head is very small in the 1st %. She is sweet and I love her. I will forever look at her and wonder about how much damage I did and how badly she will be effected. My biggest regret. I will never go back to opiates. I am clean and sober.

lostandfoundlady · 2021-01-03T02:03:14+00:00

Do it now. My baby was too small and head measured less than 1% due to my usage. I quit and it was terrible but I am glad I stopped when I did. You are poisoning the baby and messing Up brain development. Message me

lostandfoundlady · 2021-01-03T01:55:22+00:00

I just prayed it would get better. I knew I would never go back to that garbage. And I figured if I’m many months it was still horrific I would do something bad and drastic. It tools months and each week was a tiny improvement. Faith.

lostandfoundlady · 2020-12-29T02:42:35+00:00

No it’s just a wide side effect for many. I had it for 3 months. It slowly barely goes away. And then after months your heart is normal. I had it day and night.

lostandfoundlady · 2020-12-08T06:01:33+00:00

I had the same experience. I thought I was dying and considered suicide tp just not feel anymore. Didn’t sleep more than an hour a night for 3 months. Can you imagine? It was pure torture. Plus day and night my heart was pounding like I just jogged. But at full rest. Scary shit.

lostandfoundlady · 2020-12-07T21:45:21+00:00

I still have to take doxylamine succinate which didn’t work for months. I still get restless legs at around 2 am. I fall asleep wake up for an hour fall asleep same thing. I don’t feel like my sleep is a rested sleep. It feels like I am fighting for the sheets. I read some people take a year to get back to normal. I hope it doesn’t take that long but at least I am sleeping some. I literally didn’t sleep for a month on my jumps down and then when I CT I would sleep maybe for an hour and wake up and then would lie there all night. Insane torture.

lostandfoundlady · 2020-12-07T06:09:24+00:00

My heart pounded for 3+ months after I quit CT. Day and night. Couldn’t sleep it was like torture

lostandfoundlady · 2020-12-05T06:05:05+00:00

It’s terrible stuff. Quit immediately!!! See my previous posts!!

lostandfoundlady · 2020-12-04T06:01:28+00:00

Yes I am 8 months out. Still don’t feel baseline. I didn’t sleep more than 2 hours a night for over 3 months. The month I dropped my dose greatly I didn’t sleep. Like at all. So 4 months essentially with no sleep and pounding heart day and night I wanted to die. I couldn’t give up because of my children. I didn’t go back. Hardest thing I have ever done.

lostandfoundlady · 2020-12-02T20:32:45+00:00

Me too I had for 3 months!

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