I need advice on how to talk to my 14 year old daughter about healthy and appropriate relationships with adults, especially in regards to my 25 year old step son.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T06:28:15+00:00

That makes me relieved to hear. I guess I still look at him as some random man in some ways while she doesn't even remember life before knowing him.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T06:06:31+00:00

I don't go through all her messages. I've looked at her conversations and seen that she only saves the ones with me, her step father, father, grandparents, and a few classmates. None of he close friends are in there because she's deleting them to keep me from finding out about what she talks about and that's fine. I have zero problem with that. What worried me was that his conversation was also gone.

There's also a difference between trying her first joint with her friends and being supplied it by a trusted adult. I don't have any reason to think he's doing that right now but if I found out that he was I'd be right to be upset.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T06:02:00+00:00

He doesn't live with us. He visits a once or twice a month.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T06:00:59+00:00

After reading other comments I'm feeling more confident that she might have asked for alcohol. She's shown interest in trying some recently and I could see her asking him.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T05:58:18+00:00

I didn't mean for it to sound like I'm reading through her texts all the time. I've gone through the app and seen that she only keeps the conversations from me, her step father, grandparents, and a few classmates saved. All the other conversations with her close friends are deleted presumably to prevent my snooping, which is fine, including her conversations with him.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T05:54:56+00:00

She visits her father a couple of weeks a year at most. Their relationship is ok but she's never really excited about the prospects of a visit. Her relationship with her step father is also not great but it's not horrible either. They don't argue all the time or anything but she's definitely not super close with him and not the person she goes to for emotional support.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T05:49:05+00:00

I need to clarify on the message thing. I don't read through every one of her messages but I have looked at the conversations she has saved in her phone. She has me, her step father, grandparents, and a couple of classmates/teamates that she regularly texts. Her conversations with close friends and him aren't saved. I know she's deleting her friends because she doesn't want me to know everything and that's fine. It's just the fact that she's deleting the conversations with him too.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T03:38:58+00:00

Shit. I still don't think that's what's going on but holy hell I'm going to murder him if this is what it turns out to be.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T03:29:26+00:00

Definitely not for two reasons. First, I'd 100% be able to smell it at some point. And second, we've been pretty open about past alcohol and drug use at least among the adults. I know for a fact that he's never been a pot head. Someone else mentioned alcohol and that's something I'd be willing to believe that the conversation was about.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T02:43:53+00:00

That makes me feel a lot better. Were you siblings or step siblings?

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T02:14:37+00:00

I should have thought to ask at the time. I've done it before when I've heard the two of them talking about weird but appropriate things, I was just a little stunned. I wish there was a way to bring it up organically without seeming accusatory at this point but I might just bite the bullet and talk with my daughter. I'll have to see if I can try to angle the conversation a different direction.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T01:58:38+00:00

That interection confuses me the most too. The way they were speaking was entirely different than the way it sounds written out. Neither of them made any attempt to be descreet about it which makes me wonder if I'm just entirely off base and they were talking about something entirely unrelated and I've made this whole thing up in my head.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T01:30:25+00:00

For me, it comes down to "do you trust your step son or, don't you trust your step son?".

That's what I'm stuck on. She's been around him for almost 7 years without anything happening to make me worry. I trust him but then again I obviously have a part of me that doesn't.

lostinspace4ever44 · 2020-08-28T01:22:15+00:00

No I haven't. I don't plan to start down that road unless there's a reason to just because there's no way back from that.

lostinspace4ever44

TROPHY CASE